Thursday, March 02, 2006

www.dumbass.com

Okay, Walmart checkout people, lets bond on the requirements of doing your job.

1) Stand there
2) Scan the little bar code
3) Bag my stuff so nothing gets screwed up or squished
4) Give me a receipt

I DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT need you to tell me all the useful things I can do with used dryer sheets. USED DRYER SHEETS! Come on!

By the time I get to you, I have been fighting through the over- packed isles, stuffed full of rednecks dressed in their best camouflage pants, the T-shirt with the fewest holes in it and the truck driver hat shoved firmly onto their head, Yuppies smugly looking down their nose at me because I am at Walmart - avoiding the fact that they are to, old ladies in those motorized carts who either run right over top of you or are scared to hit the accelerator, and "Sales Associates" who avoid me like the plague.

I have listened to babies crying, heathenistic little monsters screaming, middle class mothers talking on their cell phones while screaming at their screaming children(read "heathens"), old men farting and elevator music being played loud enough to be heard slightly over the bedlam in the store.

I have stood in line for 20 mins, shifting from foot to foot while feeling very uncomfortable that the guy behind me is either checking me out with appreciation or he is storing jokes for later. I have looked everywhere I can possiblely think of to avoid looking at the rearend of the overly large woman in front of me, the tabloid headlines glare at me from their wire rack holders and all the little last minute do-dads that are stocked there for the impulse buyers are watching me.

I am irritable and my feet hurt from having to walk from one side of the store to the other trying to find out if you keep the bunion protectors over by the pharmacy, in the shoe department, or over there - lost somewhere in the depths of the grocery isles. I want desperately to tell the lady in the line on the other side of the divider that her baby needs changing because I can tell all the way from here - it's either that, or the old man in front of her mis-timed his daily dose of Metimucil.

When I try to swipe my debit card, your card reader is wobblely and I have to practically pin it to the counter to be able to swipe it and then it won't read my card and I have to repeat this process Over and Over while the card reader does a little serpentine dance.

Please do not try to draw me into conversation. A nice "Hi" will do just fine. Ring up my stuff. I want to leave. This has not been a great shopping experience.

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9 Comments:

At Wednesday, December 27, 2006 2:51:00 PM, Anonymous Alan Bell said...

you are my kind of lady,the hell with holding it in

 
At Friday, October 19, 2007 11:12:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

when my dad told me to type in this, ithought he was joking.This is some great stuff!Hilarious!

 
At Monday, December 03, 2007 6:16:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

walmart sounds like nothing pleases you you really should shop at the quikkie mart cus ,your rendition of complaints sounds like someone who could shop at Macy's and bitch . The smell was probably you not showering .had you bothered to use the self check you would not have had to talk to anyone you unsocialble old goat. Walmart provided you with what you were looking for just because you went like a fool to the express lane like a looser figuring you would get out quicker not calculating the number of similar people with similar thought processes

 
At Wednesday, March 05, 2008 10:13:00 AM, Anonymous tomasino said...

Hey Guys! i heard about some guy who's been on that site!

 
At Saturday, March 08, 2008 2:52:00 PM, Anonymous tomasino said...

its weebluefish! and jake! they are bitches!

 
At Tuesday, March 17, 2009 11:51:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What you seem to have failed to realize is that cashiers with attitude, in fact have attitude from dealing with anti social too perfect to be a part of society dumbasses like yourself. Besides the obvious distaste your blog is funny and insightful but i have a clue for you, its called online shopping. i'm sure you will find something to complain about but at the very least the poor people that don't make enough money for what they do won't have to put up with your miserable dumb ass. fit in or stay the hell out.

 
At Thursday, December 02, 2010 5:13:00 PM, Anonymous darint66@yahoo.com said...

my biggest bitch with walmart is the fact that the commie bastards seem to think they have the right to.PROtect me from listening to harsh words in my music. if i wanna hear kid rock say fuck or bitch thats my choice not walmarts.

 
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At Monday, February 20, 2012 6:36:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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