The Little House That Hell Built - Part 3

(You're just on the edge of your seat aren't you.)

Yes dear readers, it's that time again. Time to get your blood boiling, your mouths harrumphing, and your lips a-twitching.

Let me take you back...

To my tortured existence whilst pregnant with
my daughter Lauren.

One of the many wonderful things that happened to me while I was pregnant was that I didn't have to go visit the In-laws. When I was about 5 months pregnant I declared that I simply could not take all that driving and wasn't going anymore. Hubby barely protested. It drove him crazy that we had to stop every 20 minutes so I could pee.

I was in a state of no In-law bliss. I was so tickled. No one to be shitty to me. YEAH!

At the time, both hubby and I were in the military and I was trying to get a babysitter for when Lauren tore her way into the world. Finding Child Care for an infant in or around a military post is close to impossible. My stress factor was already located so high that it had been detected by satellite and my due date was only a couple of months away. Then
they decided to come for a visit. OH JOY. I automatically went to Stress Con 3, and China and Russia jointly issued me a warning to chill the fuck out before they obliterated my ass.

We had a townhouse roughly the size of a pimple at the time, so I at least had the savings grace that they would not be staying with us while they slept. I was however, required to suffer her presence in my home from about 7-7 for two days. I'll never forget when they arrived. The first damn thing to come out of that woman's mouth was "Oh, you got big didn't you." Oh, she's a quick one isn't she. She wasn't telling me anything I didn't already know. My stomach was about as big around as the ego of your standard conceited actor and there she was stating the obvious. Thanks for the heads up. I knew how I looked. My nickname while I was pregnant was Barney. Everyone in my unit would rub my belly before they went on a field exercise for luck.

As I stated before in one of my previous posts, both of my pregnancies were very painful, but I had the added joy of having a real problem with my glucose levels dropping while I was pregnant with Lauren. This led to quite a few interesting side effects. I would loose my peripheral vision, or loose my vision altogether. I also suffered from ringing in my ears that was so loud I couldn't understand why people in the same state with me couldn't hear it as well. I would also loose my hearing altogether. When I lost my vision and hearing at the same time, it was scary as hell and I tended to freak the hell out.
In this particular instance, I became thankful for them. I wouldn't have to see, hear or talk to her! Unfortunately, they were not available on demand, so all I could do was pray to go temporarily deaf and dumb.

She immediately went into my kitchen and started cooking after farting off at the mouth. It was 3:30 in the afternoon and she decided we needed to go ahead and start dinner. I don't know why she said "WE" because "SHE" wouldn't even let me in the damn kitchen to cook in my own house. Oh no-no, dear reader, she wasn't being nice. She wasn't concerned that I needed to rest, she wanted to be in control, and my hubby inadvertently aided her by shooing me out of the room. CAN YOU SAY PISSED?

We all sat down for dinner where the main topic of conversation was how she hardly gained any weight at all with her two pregnancies. Well isn't that special. I escaped after eating more green beans and climbed the stairs to bed, leaning heavily on the rail, pleading exhaustion.

The next day was just as hellish. Why do you walk like 'at? Come on, less go shoppin'. You sure do have to pee alot. I ain't never heard of nobody being sick that much while they was pregnant. Can't you get the Dr to give you something to make it stop? Do they still let you work at that Army place while you're pregnant? Your rearend growed too didn't it. You shouldn't be takin' them pregnant pills (pregnant pills?). A friend of mine told me they wasn't good for the baby. Now, I don't want you to go usin' those disposable diapers. Use the cloth ones. They worked just fine for me and my children and they'll work just fine for you too. OH! I cane wait to keep the baby.

That evening, they left. Hubby was upset. "I never get to spend enough time with them."