Saturday, January 06, 2007

Quality Time With My Man

Hubby and I went to town today. That's a big event in my house. Hubby never wants to go anywhere on the weekends and he SUGGESTED it. I wasn't going to tell him no. I'm usually the one asking for us to go together and he's usually the one making up excuses not to go.

We went and got Super Baby a new pair of shoes, a new ballist for the kitchen lights, a filter for the shop vac, and a few other things that needed to be picked up.

It was a wonderful day. Lauren was spending the day with S next door making soap, going to the movies and eating large quantaties of junk that I don't let her eat, and Super Baby was in a very good mood and kept smiling and he even tried to wink at me while we were having lunch.

It was warm and sunny and had just the right breeze and I had my husband with me and my son, and my daughter was living it up raising cane and I felt full inside you know?

That is until after lunch.....

Charles farted the smelliest fart ever to explode from any human's ass EVER ...I even gagged a little....and we were in the car...and my window wouldn't roll down, and we were moving in heavy traffic so I couldn't just throw the door open. Even he was making that "ick" face (and you know it's gotta be bad when a man thinks his own fart stinks cause they usually don't seem to mind...they just sit in it and try to rate it on their own personal scale of Odoriforousness). The other windows in the car were already down, but the Green Cloud of Doom would not be dispersed and hung around like 70's fashion on my 6th grade english teacher.

My one good eyebrow started to twitch involuntarily - that quick jumpy twitch that you usually get in the corner of your eye and the only way it will stop is if you pull on it until your eye turns to slit and then you suddenly realise you shouldn't be doing that because you're over 30 now and wrinkles are starting to settle in and you're HELPING them by doing the eyeslit manuever so you put up with the jumping and contemplate some form of suicide instead - you know what I'm talking about. (that is possibly the biggest run on sentence in the history of man - no applause please)

"DAMN CHARLES!!!! You made my EYEBROW twitch!!"

He was suddenly so happy. He started laughing and clapping his hands and yelled "YES! YES! I CAUSED NERVE DAMAGE!!!"

I hope I left a really big, PAINFUL bruise...on his privates.

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24 Comments:

At Sunday, January 07, 2007 12:12:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

LMAO!!! That's hysterical.
Nerve damage. ::snort::

 
At Sunday, January 07, 2007 5:10:00 AM, Blogger Mr. Fabulous said...

I applaud his enthusiasm!

 
At Sunday, January 07, 2007 6:57:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

But if you hit his privates hard enough you probably caused swelling and that gave him something else to be proud about. LOL. Green cloud of doom......

 
At Sunday, January 07, 2007 8:23:00 AM, Anonymous Annie Drogynous said...

LMAO! LOVED your run-on sentences, lol!

When my ex used to fart in the car, he used to turn the heat up in what he called an attempt to "bake" the fart. And yes, it sure did smell 10 times worse than if he had just farted and left the damn thing to smolder in his pants.

 
At Sunday, January 07, 2007 8:24:00 AM, Blogger carmachu said...

You hit him THERE while in heavy traffic?

Anyway, I guess you wont be asking to9 go to town with him ever again anytime soon....

 
At Sunday, January 07, 2007 10:19:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

When my husband does this in the car, he usually follows it with a "Smell that (insert the food item we just consumed)."
That just makes the smell so much worse, luckily my windows do roll down and I even stick my head out the window to really embarrass him....

 
At Sunday, January 07, 2007 10:52:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Mel - let me assure you my nerve damage isn't funny;)

Mr Fab - you would applaud...damn men.

Chicky - He may be proud of the size, but that funny purple and green color.....

Annie - BAKED!!!!!!! ROFLMAO I would kick hubby's ass if he ever did that....at least mine rolls the windows down.

Carm - oh I'll ask, but we'll be taking my car so ALL the windows will roll down.

Cute - Welcome! I wouldn't be able to stick my head out the window. Charles would come up with something like "Are you gonna bark now or what?"

 
At Sunday, January 07, 2007 11:21:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just wait until your son gets in on the act. It's like a contest sometimes... I'm just not sure what the prize is.

 
At Sunday, January 07, 2007 12:59:00 PM, Anonymous mamatulip said...

*snort* We are married to the same man. Dave's favourite thing to do is fart just as he's getting out of the computer chair and I'm getting in.

 
At Sunday, January 07, 2007 1:43:00 PM, Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Hahahahahaha! I can't stop snickering!

 
At Sunday, January 07, 2007 4:02:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ha aha haha

Been there, done it, suffered the consequences. I'm usually alone, as I generally know when I'm about to produce an evil one (beer farts are the worst), but have on occasion let on ego that caused evacuation of the entire Institute.

 
At Sunday, January 07, 2007 6:07:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG I would have thrown on the flashers, pulled over and had a real quick Chineese fire drill!

I am told...that when you are comfortable enough to start "rating" the level, oder etc, of a fart that you are WAY to comfy...I don't know...
~note to self do not buy Nikki's used car~
LOL ;o) you said fart!
he he he he heeh

 
At Sunday, January 07, 2007 6:49:00 PM, Blogger carmachu said...

Come on nikki, do you REALLY want him in your car when he cuts another one loose? It might stain the seat...

 
At Sunday, January 07, 2007 8:51:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am the problem over here.

 
At Sunday, January 07, 2007 10:44:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Sayre - Charles says he doesn't know what the prize is either, but is looking forward to finding out. LOL (I'm thinking I'm gonna keep all the windows in the house open)

Mama Tulip - LOL, Charles loves to fart in the computer chair - it's leather and "amplifies the noise nicely"

Attila - this coming from the woman who spot welds her husband. LOL

Joe - Charles admires you LOL

Super - I couldn't do that - he was driving.

Carm - I can just tuck a towel under his ass LOL

OTJ - if you hadn't bore children, I would advise you to have a chromosome test LOL

 
At Monday, January 08, 2007 8:42:00 AM, Anonymous nikki said...

i think i just tinkled my pantslaughing so hard
.
i often tell my hubby that his gas could be the next new nuclear weapon they're that bad.

 
At Monday, January 08, 2007 1:38:00 PM, Blogger kim said...

WHAT IS THAT? Men and boys and their farts are lethal !! and im surrounded by them!!

 
At Monday, January 08, 2007 1:55:00 PM, Blogger Elle*Bee said...

so he's a human weapon of mass destruction? I'd consider hanging a sign around his neck: "no smoking within 50 feet of this man" or something to that effect.

 
At Monday, January 08, 2007 5:53:00 PM, Blogger Kevin Charnas said...

Nerve damage??? that's so DAMN FUNNY! LMAO!

Charles...what a stinker he is.

Really glad to see you back in blogland, my friend...

Happy New Year!

 
At Monday, January 08, 2007 6:46:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ROFLMAO - now THAT's funny!! That's better than my loud ass fart that shook the bed.

I bow down to the master....

 
At Tuesday, January 09, 2007 2:25:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i drove through snow. granted no nerve damage was achieved, but i did manage to not get fart at.

 
At Tuesday, January 09, 2007 6:35:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Men and boys aren't the only ones... When Yoda climbs up on my lap, he gets a few pets, gets good and relaxed and POW!!! The smelliest fart ever. At first I thought he'd been rolling in something decomposing, but he started doing it every time I picked him up and petted him. I didn't know that cats could do that.

 
At Tuesday, January 09, 2007 6:56:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL....
Green cloud of doom :) Maybe that's what caused this (http://www.nypress.com/blogx/display_blog.cfm?bid=65396038)

 
At Tuesday, January 09, 2007 4:17:00 PM, Anonymous Jeff said...

Look at this post and all the replies! And people say men are the only ones who laugh at bathroom humor.

 

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