Sunday, January 14, 2007

So What Did You Do With Your Sunday Morning

RRRRRAAAAAAOOOONNNNNNN

RRRRRRAAAAAAAOOOOOOONNNNN

What in the hell is that? I looked around and listened.

RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOONNN

Max? (the cat that Stinky and Redhead left behind) How in the hell did Max get inside? (I knew it was him. He has a very distinctive meow - which isn't a meow at all ... he says "raon". Friggin weird cat.)

So I got out of my comfy cosy computer chair - where I had made a very comfortable ass imprint - and went to go get him and shoo him out the door. I emerged from my cave (aka the computer room) and called to him.

Kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty! Maaaaaaaaaaxxx. Here kitty kitty.

Immediately, the floor answered me RRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOONNNNN.

It was deep throated, a distress cry and he called over and over again. He was stuck under the house. My first reaction was DAMN IT! HOW'D HE GET UNDER THE HOUSE???? my second was THAT FURRY LITTLE BASTARD, LET HIM STAY THERE FOR A FEW MINUTES. and my third and final reaction was DAMN, I GUESS I BETTER GO GET HIM BEFORE HE TEARS SOME SHIT UP. So I turned around to put out my cigarette and again I hear

RRRRAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNN.

...and then it struck me....the cat wasn't under the house...he was in my VENTS. The reason that the floor answered me was because the furry little bastard was IN my floor.

THUMP THUMP THUNK tick tick tick scratch RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNN

He had traveled across the room to the other vent and proceeded to scream in kitty language "GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!!!!! AND COULD YOU AT LEAST TURN OFF THE HEAT - IT'S BURNING MY FACE AND CHAPPING MY ASS"

I panicked. Holy SHIT!!! That was the only thing running thru my mind at this point. I ran and got Charles....or more to the point, I awoke him gently by barging into the bedroom and yelling excitedly CHARLES! WAKE UP! THERE'S A CAT IN THE VENTS. WAKE UP!!! YOU GOTTA GET HIM OUT!!!! ....because I'm considerate like that.....and ran back into the den to listen to Max cuss at me in a whole new language.

OH SHIT!!! What should I do???!!!! ... and then that little voice inside me spoke..you know the one...the one that you want to slap the shit out of for making you feel stupid in times of crisis..... "Get a screw driver you dumb shit. Undo the screws, remove the vent and the cat can crawl out of the ducts." I nodded my head "Good idea" I said to the voice.

Normally, finding a screw driver in my house wouldn't be a problem. Charles keeps a liberal sprinkling under each sink so "They are there when you need them"....but I had had enough a few weeks ago and told him to get them out from all the cabinets before the baby got them and stabbed himself in the eye or his cute little baby belly...and like a good man he did it....he dutifully took them all out to the locked shed....and put them in the locked tool box...and I was shit out of luck when I needed a screw driver.

The voice said "butter knife" and I nodded my head again and set to work. I laid the vent beside me with the screws and called to him again and again and he swore back at me again and again...and then CHARLES THE BEAR emerged from the bedroom and he was not a happy bear...but to give him credit he looked at me as kindly as he could and said "Listen to him...he's hurt or something....I may need to shoot him when we get him out."

My jaw dropped.....

To Be Continued

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23 Comments:

At Monday, January 15, 2007 12:09:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

all i could think was if you couldn't get him out and he died it would stink.
sorry, i'm dark like that.
waiting for the continuation :)

m

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 12:27:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

you can believe that was going thru my mind too. ick

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 2:10:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ok, it's horrible, but if a cat gets itself stuck in the vent it deserves to be put out of it's way-too-curious misery. yes i'm horrible, but i didn't feel bad when my cat got herself locked in the other bedroom for 2 days. she was very nice for at least a month afterwards. ;)

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 7:06:00 AM, Anonymous quinn said...

HAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! too funny ...

Not the response from Charles that I was expecting but damn funny.

So much of your post was eerily similar to my place. My oldest is a computer addict and yes, we the bad parents gave him a computer in his bedroom..Which my hubby now affectionately refers to as "the cave".
My cat Ebony started to do a similar thing here at home in my computer room in the basement. The ceiling is open and she began to climb up into the rafters ( or under the main level floor of the house). The first time she did it I freaked right out because I was worried she would be stuck in there.

I could hear her walking around and meowing. Then it happened, the furnace kicked in...man I was torn between panick for her and intense gut rumbling laughter at the sights and sounds of her running all the way back to get out.

Now she goes up there regularily and the worst part is she jumps on the back of the computer chair then to the bookshelf and then up into the rafters.....problem is I then get all busy in deep thought on everyones blog and when I least expect it she is "CAT-a-pulting" her self down onto the back of the computer chair and down to the floor. Which I have still never gotten used to and she freakin "gets me" every time.!!!!!

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 7:56:00 AM, Anonymous mamatulip said...

Well, continue it!! LOL!

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 8:16:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Urm... continued WHEN!!!

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 9:09:00 AM, Anonymous nikki said...

this does not sound like a happily ever after story.

just think, if the cat's fur on it's face burned off at least you guys could have something in common.

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 10:03:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG **waiting with bated breath for the continuation**

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 10:15:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Quinn - didn't you know? We LIVE at your house

Nikki - ROFLMAO, HHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAa oh girl, you are so wrong. HHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA SNORT

Charles said "Damn, she punked you out HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

I kicked him

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 10:34:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

UGH, I thought it was bad when we lost a hamster in the house....... I can't imagine a cat stuck in the vents..........continue on with the story.........

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 11:36:00 AM, Anonymous Sayre said...

SO many things went through my mind when I read this... mostly that at least Charles wasn't planning on KICKING Max when he got out...

Can't wait for the continuation... tell me, does Charles get something stuck in the vent and you have to shoot HIM?

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 12:05:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

GAAAAAAAAAAAH!

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 1:22:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

One time our cat got stuck in the ceiling in the basement. Cats can be so stupid.

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 3:27:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh my! Please don't leave me hanging too long...

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 3:30:00 PM, Blogger Sublime said...

Hi Nikki,

Love the butt bush pic!

I found your blog doing the "Next Blog" thing at the top of the page. I am constantly looking for people with strong, diverse view-points of the world to visit my blog. Judging by your blog, you seem to fit into that category.

If you are interested, check my Q&A blog called "The Big Question" at http://bigquestion2day.blogspot.com.

If you get time, come answer a few questions (I post a new one each day). It's intriguing to see all the answers from the mixing pot of readers that visit.

Take care,
Sublime

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 6:20:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

NOOOOOO! Don't stop telling it NOW... now I'm all freaked out and waiting to hear how it turns out.
How does it turn out???

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 6:48:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm w/Molly! I thought about dead cat stench, too. LOL

Can't wait to hear the ending!

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 7:01:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

eeks!!!
his face was burnt?
I have never seen a cat with a burnt face.
eeks!!!

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 8:39:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

We brought home two little kittens from the humane society. Ten minutes in the house and the female was down in the sump pump in the basement. Five toads later, hubby pulled her out. And hubby hates anything creepy crawly...so it was quite amusing.

Can't wait for the big finish!

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 8:41:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

We brought two little kittens home from the humane society. Ten minutes in the house and the female fell down the sump pump. Five toads later, she was out. And hubby hates anything creepy crawly... so it was hysterical watching him dive for a freaked out cat and trying to avoid a family toads and wretching on top of it!

Can't wait for the ending!

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 8:43:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

We brought two little kittens home from the humane society. Ten minutes in the house and the female fell down the sump pump. Five toads later, she was out. And hubby hates anything creepy crawly... so it was hysterical watching him dive for a freaked out cat and trying to avoid a family toads and wretching on top of it!

Can't wait for the ending!

 
At Monday, January 15, 2007 9:44:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Boo7 - Welcome. I've posted the next part of the story. Read on.

Iris - I've never had a hampster...must have been hard to find with out the benefit of meowing or barking.

Sayre - I would never shoot Charles...at least that's what I'll be saying when the police arrive.

Chicky - There's a guy on my side bar "Wayne, Ordinary American" that has a famous picture of his ceiling cat.

Me - no, his face wasn't burnt - I was trying to be a funny smart ass in that remark...but really if you think about it...hold your face over/under the vent in your house with the heat on really really close and tell me it doesn't burn your face....I know it had to hurt.

Peanut - Welcome. It's a good thing my hubby doesn't have an adversion for creepy crawlies...that's my job LOL

 
At Tuesday, January 16, 2007 7:07:00 AM, Blogger carmachu said...

*shakes head*

 

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