Thursday, May 11, 2006

This Just Keeps Getting Better and Better

I wasn't going to post anything today, but after an email I received from one of my readers, I feel compelled.

Dear Nikki,

I happened upon your blog and have been richly entertained with your wit.

However, I am disappointed that you do not make observations on politics. I feel that your slant on our rather muddled reality would really liven things up.

Could I trouble you to post on something political?

Sincerely ,

(I'm not gonna give you the name)

-This email has been edited and posted with permission of the sending party -

First and foremost I must say...DAMN I AM GOOD! ANOTHER EMAIL! YEAH BABY! (doing silly little dance) GO NIKKI! GO NIKKI! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY! (slapping my own butt)

(After composure has been restored and ice-pack applied to my posterior)

Mr. No Name,

Hey thanks for writing in! I am always eager to hear from those of us who have twisted humor. *SMOOCHES*

I am sorry to say, I don't post on politics. I stay far, far away from politics. I am unable to have an intelligent conversation about politics, but neither can the politicians, so I don't feel to bad.

I will however make this one exception just because you took the time to write to me and it made me grin my ass off. ( Oh hubby! Come here! I'm in a really good mood!)

Today's subject matter will be ...

The General Stupidity of Politicians and Politics

Brian E. Karst, 34, was running for Common Council as an Independent candidate in upstate New York. In October 2005, he was arrested for a plethora of traffic violations and was found to have a blood alcohol content of nearly twice the legal limit. Karst was later released to a third party and was again arrested for DUI three hours later, driving the same car as before. This "Leader of Humanity" was previously arrested in September 2005 for the same damn thing.

A bill introduced to the Alaskan legislature proposed to make "all public flatulence, crepitation, gaseous emissions, and miasmic effluence" illegal. Anyone convicted would be subjected to a $100.00 fine. (Beans and cabbage were later submitted to the legislature as food products of those who wished to have weapons of crass destruction)

Once upon a time, a butcher from WV recruited 150 of the locals, and formed a chapter of the KKK. The Grand Dragon came to bless it and everything. The Grand Dragon was so impressed, he recommended the young butcher go in to politics "The country needs young men like you in the leadership of the nation" he said
The butcher, Sen. Robert C. Byrd (D-WV) has won praise for his opposition to the war in Iraq and defends the rights of minorities.
(Did I miss something?)

"They say Democrats don't stand for anything. That's patently untrue. We do stand for anything." --Sen. Barack Obama (D-Ill) (he he - no further narration needed)

Our illustrious leader's response after being questioned if the war in Iraq and the rise of terrorism are signs of the apocalypse "Hmmm, uhh, hah -- ummm -- I, the answer is -- I haven't really thought of it that way, heh, heh. Heh. Here's how I think of it. Ummm -- heh heh. First I've heard of that, by the way, I, ah -- uhh -- the, uhh -- I, I guess I'm more of a practical fella. Uhh. I vowed after September the 11th that I would do everything I could to protect the American people. And, uhh -- my attitude, of course, was affected by the attacks. I knew we were at a war. I knew that the enemy, obviously, had to be sophisticated, and lethal, to fly hijacked airplanes, uhh, into -- facilities that would, we would, killing thousands of people, innocent people, doin' nothing, just sittin' there goin' to work."

Thats it I'm afraid.

No Name, I hope you liked it, and thanks for the email.



At Thursday, May 11, 2006 5:27:00 PM, Blogger Charlie said...

... are signs of the apocalypse ...

Be afraid, very afraid, of the asspimple who asked this question.

Congrats on the email question, Madame President.

At Thursday, May 11, 2006 5:29:00 PM, Blogger jennster said...

don't you think it's weird that someone requests you to write about something?!!? LMFAO write about puppies & rainbows next, thanks!

At Friday, May 12, 2006 8:45:00 AM, Blogger Jimbo Big Toe said...

Sorry, I got sidetracked when you started talking about spanking your own butt. I am not familiar with this practice. Could you next post be about this? Oh and if at all possible describe it very slowly.

At Friday, May 12, 2006 9:05:00 AM, Blogger Attila The Mom said...

What would motivate someone to ask you to write something political? Welcome to bizarro world! ;-)

At Friday, May 12, 2006 9:36:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Admiral - I couldn't believe that someone asked that question either. Someone is always looking for a connection to the end of the world.

Jenn - yeah, it was pretty weird. No question.

Jim - Sorry - ain't gonna happen.

Attila - I have no idea. I was just so damn tickled I got an email, I did it. (I'm such a sell out)

At Friday, May 12, 2006 11:34:00 AM, Blogger Misha said...

Aren't politicians easy to make fun of?

My favorite political quote of late is Fidel Castro calling Jeb Bush "the fat little brother."

My favorite bumper sticker of late:
We're making enemies too fast to kill them all, now.

My favorite sign at a women's right rally on The Mall:
Dick + Bush = Fucked

My favorite quote by a politician of all time:
Dick Cheney telling Trent Lott "Go fuck yourself!" on the Senate floor. I've liked him ever since.

Wht can I say, I'm crass.

At Friday, May 12, 2006 11:59:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

ROFLMAO - That was great Misha.

At Friday, May 12, 2006 3:46:00 PM, Blogger Me said...

That's hillarious. Karst reminds me of a guy from college who got arrested while speeding, had alcohol in blood and opened container in car along with stash of pot and a suspended licence. Hee hee
And *sigh* Barack Obama - I can't help, Nikki, he's so cute!!!
That's me the fickle superficial type.

At Friday, May 12, 2006 4:20:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Me - Good the guy from college must be a politician by now! Senate maybe? or possibly Congress if he's broken enough laws to qualify for it.

Unfortunatly, I've never seen a picture of Barack Obama. I'll have to go look now.


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