Dear God,

Sometimes, you let really good things happen.

Like yesterday, when I went to CVS I found two really great books for Lauren. Journey to the Center of the Earth, and Around the World in 80 Days. They were only 2.99 a piece! I snatched them up and did a funny little dance. They were hiding behind one of those displays that hang from the aisle on those plastic doo-hickeys, on the bottom shelf. I just happened to drop my keys, bent to pick them up and something caught my eye. Hard backed with an illustration every few pages, I was taken back to the first time I had ever read them. I hugged them close and grinned at the cashier as she tucked them in crinkly plastic bag and pushed them towards me.

After I picked up Lauren, I showed them to her and teased her just a little bit. I made airplane noises and pretended they were flying over her head while she jumped for them. "Sorry" I said "These two books are only for people who really love to read...only for people who love a good story about adventure. I wonder who I'll give them to hummmmm?" She almost tackled me. She has devoured several pages of Journey to the Center of the Earth already. "I'm going to leave these in the car mom, right here, beside my seat, so I can read some every afternoon and every morning." So that's where they live now,in my console, eagerly awaiting her return, so that she may discover the treasures inside.

Thank you for giving her the love of reading. Thank you for giving her the imagination to enjoy them. Thank you for my daughter, she's my angel.

My mother is now living in Montana. She and her husband have been dreaming of finally being able to live there for many years, and you finally made that happen. I miss them but she's happy, so it's okay. I get to talk to her all the time. What's even better is that she has now got a camera phone so I can send her pictures of my short people all the time. Last night I sent her 2 showing Connor slinging food from here to there and my Lauren looking beautiful and sweeter than sugar.

Charles got that nice raise and now, all of our medical bills are paid off. We no longer have to worry about bankruptcy. I don't pace the floor at night any more, and cry in the shower where no one can hear me. I don't squish my kids in extra hard hugs because I feel guilty for not doing better by them. I squish them extra hard because I love them and treasure them.

We will finally get to take the kids places instead of just being homebound - not even being able to afford gas for free activities. I'll be able to take Lauren shopping for school clothes instead of just a shirt or pants and shoes here and there, skipping enough lunches and saving every single penny to save up for them. I don't have to worry anymore if I need to take Connor to the Dr, if I have enough money to cover the co-pay in the bank, and how I'm going to afford the prescriptions that he always gets. I don't have to worry about the electricity being shut off and people taking me to court. I don't have to worry how I'm going to afford a new car battery if the one I have now suddenly dies. I don't have to worry about making the tank of gas I have streeeeetch as long as possible because we don't have the money for any more, I can turn on the AC and not feel guilty.

I'm still deeply in love with my husband. I love him more and better than I ever have. We are constantly re-discovering each other and spend countless hours depriving ourselves of much needed sleep talking and joking like teenagers. We talk of important things and issues in the world and sometimes, we talk about nothing at all and fall asleep at night holding each other.

Thank you for sending him my way. Thank you for sending me a man that loves me for my intellect, my spirit, my sense of fun. Thank you for sending me a man with a sense of humor, who is capable of such sweet, fierce love and believes his word is his bond. Thank you for sending me a man that respects me, my opinions and decisions.

Thank you for sending me a MAN.

Connor is doing so great! I never drempt that he would be doing this well after he was so sick for so long. Even now, he has dual ear infections, but I can't tell. He's not cranky, or fussy. There's no fever, no loss of appetite or pulling of the little ears. He's happy. He giggles and likes to face dive into the bean bag and baby wrestles with his daddy. He gives such sweet drooly kisses and when he hugs me, he squishes his whole baby sized body against me and snuggles into my neck. He pats my arm and makes adorable baby noises and it makes me feel like I couldn't possible take another breath and have it better than the one I was holding right at that moment, only to find that it is better, that it is some how sweeter and more life giving.

I couldn't even imagine this a year ago.

Thank you for my son.

Thank you for being there with me though all those really tough times. When I was in the shower, the washcloth pressed firmly to my mouth, tears mingling with the spray. When I hit my knees, for the first time ever, when Connor was going in for surgery, not even 2 months old. How I screamed and prayed and shouted in anger at you when he would stop breathing, getting ready to do CPR on my infant son, who we had tried for so many years to have, who I was was watching slip away in front of me. When Lauren was 8 months and then again at 2 and she was soo, sooo, sick and I didn't know what to do. When things between Charles and I got so ugly, I packed his bags for him and told him he either needed to get himself together, or get out, all the while I felt my heart had been ripped from my body and I was bleeding freely, leaving a big pool of love on the floor. How he hugged me, and held me and took his suitcase back in the bedroom and we talked for hours and slowly got ourselves back together and things have been wonderful ever since, even after all this time.

Thank you for all you have done, because I realize that while life doles out challenges to us all..to me and mine...you have been beside me, and in me, and I was never alone.

Thank you.