Wednesday, July 26, 2006

It Takes a Special Kind of Stupid

I really don't know where to start, this is so damn stupid it deserves to be posted for all the world to see but I don't know quite where to start or how to explain.


On the way back from my HIL's ("Horror In Law" for those of you that are new)hubby and I ran into some bad storms. We were traveling on the interstate and there were reflectors on the road and reflective barrels on the side of the road, and traffic had slowed and several people had put their hazard lights on for easier visibility when following them.

Everything was fine. The road conditions weren't so bad that I had to stop pressing my chest up against my husband's arm for fear it was to much of a distraction. (snicker)

Then out of the darkness, emerging up ahead (because we are gaining on them) is a car. I don't know what color it was or the make/model - but I'm comfortable telling you "IT WAS A CAR" (this isn't the special kind of stupid part)

Well, THE CAR was keeping abreast of A VAN. THE CAR in the far right lane, and THE VAN immediately beside it on the left.

THE CAR started slowing down and almost ran into some reflective barrels on the shoulder of the interstate, THE VAN never wavered in his course or tried to run THE CAR off the road. THE CAR immediately turned his blinker on to get back on the interstate. It was not a "let me pull over" stop or anything like that. Do you want to know what it was?


I shit you not.

How in the fuck do you run yourself off the road? There was no swerving, so he didn't loose control, there was no light on inside he didn't need to pull over to read a map etc.

HE RAN HIMSELF OFF THE ROAD. It takes a special kind of stupid to run yourself off the road.

Who in the hell gave this guy (could have been a woman - I couldn't see) a friggin drivers license anyway? W.T.F.

This kind of dumb shit begs the question - was this an armless driver? It must be a real pain in the ass when you're trying to make a turn huh.

And while we're on the subject of really dumb ass drivers, let me relate this story to you - it's true - I swear.

Remember that movie National Lampoons Vacation where Chevy Chase is in his station wagon and he slips beneath an 18 wheeler going down the road?

Yeah, I know a guy who did that, but the 18 wheeler ran him over. He's fine. Walked away from the accident and everything - which is why I will now talk shit about him.

Do you want to know what he said to me? He said he didn't see the 18 wheeler there when he was trying to change lanes. I'm not bullshitting you. He was sober and very serious when he told me this. He said - AND I'M REALLY QUOTING HERE - "I didn't see him."

HOOOOLLLY SHIT. Is this the same stupid fucker that RAN HIMSELF OFF THE ROAD?!!!!

How in the hell do you not see an 18 wheeler right there beside you. Even if you are blind and ARMLESS - you can hear those fuckin things MILES away.

My theory - he had to have been stoned out of his gourd to not know that there was an 18 wheeler there. THAT'S A SPECIAL KIND OF STUPID right there buddy.

I say with sincerity - I hope these over achievers don't breed.

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At Wednesday, July 26, 2006 10:59:00 AM, Blogger carmachu said...

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yes they breed. As someone who easily clocks in more miles than any 2 or 3 of you on the road, I can safely say there are a SHIT LOAD of stupid drivers. Oh the stories I could tell.

But as a PSA, if you really want to avoid the stupidest ones, stay out of NJ, NYC, and California.

They seem mostly there. NJ especially....

At Wednesday, July 26, 2006 11:04:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Carm - We get a few Jersey drivers down here, and yeah you're right - they can't drive worth a shit. HATE jersey driver.

At Wednesday, July 26, 2006 11:22:00 AM, Blogger kim said...

I know what was wrong with the idiot he was probably on a CELL PHONE!!
Here in Cali there are a whole new breed of stupid drivers and they are the ones that dont know what HANDS FREE devices for cell phones are!!
I can not tell you how many close calls ive had myself with these inbred idiots ...its freakin epedimic !!

At Wednesday, July 26, 2006 11:35:00 AM, Blogger Rainman said...

Well since I'm going to be on the Road this weekend driving right by your Hood I will keep this in mind.

Do all Rednecks drive this way? :)

FYI: The Canadians that come to Michigan drive the same way. Sorry all you Canadians

At Wednesday, July 26, 2006 1:46:00 PM, Blogger Annie Drogynous said...

I believe your friend didn't see the 18 wheeler. I also believe your friend is a crappy driver. Why do I believe this? Because I've had enough experiences of my own here that people switch lanes on the highway all the time without looking and then when they have near-collisions they say they didn't see the person and the truth is, they didn't. They weren't looking nor were they paying attention. So many things distract us while driving. We could hear a song that reminds us of something and our minds wander. Or we drive a route that is so familiar to us that suddenly we find ourselves at our destination and we barely remember getting there!

At Wednesday, July 26, 2006 2:08:00 PM, Blogger Farm Girl said...

Well, an 18-wheeler is pretty big not to see. I have almost gotten hit before when I looked to make a left-hand turn, didn't see anything, started going and looked again and then the car was just THERE. It's like, holy shit, where did that come from. I'm not stupid though. Just for the record.

At Wednesday, July 26, 2006 2:09:00 PM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

Rain is driving this weekend pass your house? One word, barracades.

At Wednesday, July 26, 2006 3:05:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Kim - You are probably right madam.

Rain Man - Bring your ass boy! I'm afraid that I can't venture down to VA beach to see you - but when you're riding in their air plane, fly over my house and wave would you?

And no, not all rednecks drive like this. Some can't drive at all. LOL

Blair - I'm with you on the lane switching thing. I've gotten run of the road a couple of time by some idiot who didn't check his damn mirros, and no, I'm pretty sure I wasn't in the blind spot.
I've even pulled out once after not seeing a car and had it suddenly materialize - I almost shit myself.
But not seeing an 18 wheeler? That's a pretty big stretch for me.

Les - I'm not stupid either, no worries.

Christina - I was thinking more along the lines 2 words - MUSTARD GAS.

At Wednesday, July 26, 2006 3:27:00 PM, Blogger Dirty Birdie said...

People afflicted with this Special Kind of Stupid should be sterilized. People like Brittany Spears and Paris Hilton, or Tom Cruise. Oh wait, that last one is a Special Kind of CRAZY.

I wish I could say this affliction was relegated to one or two states but they are breeding and they are conquering new territory.

I believe there are several nominee's I can think of for Special Kind of Stupid. Therefore I nominate:

1. McDonals hot coffee lady
2. I'm suing McDonalds because I'm fat group
3. George Bush
4. Terrorist groups that fuck with Isreal. Hello?! They have nukes and shit...what are you thinking?
5. Grown ups who still believe in Santa (aka Brittany Spears)

At Wednesday, July 26, 2006 4:26:00 PM, Blogger Stinkypaw said...

The gene pool is in serious need of chlorine!! Morrons are everywhere!! Each morning when Hubby leaves for work, we tell each other to "watch out for them!"... a way, it's sad when you think of it!

At Wednesday, July 26, 2006 4:45:00 PM, Blogger Superstar said...

"you can't fix stupid" That is about all I can say...And Thank GOD yo'all are alright! ;O)

At Wednesday, July 26, 2006 4:46:00 PM, Blogger carmachu said...

I really dont mind those that talk on the cell phone. Frankly, once you dial the phone, its no different than hands free device....

What I DO mind is the ones trying to put on makeup in the rear view mirror at 65 MPH, or the ones reading the morning paper.....while driving.

At Wednesday, July 26, 2006 5:58:00 PM, Blogger Dirty Birdie said...

Stinky - for a minute I thought I read "Mormon's are everywhere" and I wondered if Mormon's are notoriously bad drivers and I never knew...LOL

At Wednesday, July 26, 2006 8:40:00 PM, Blogger kat said...

um...i used to live in nj, work in nyc and have lived in cali for 4 years now. i swear to you that i can stay on the road and use my blinkers.

i can't wait until it starts to snow and all the flatlanders come up to ski.

At Wednesday, July 26, 2006 9:58:00 PM, Blogger Gratis said...

You know, if you were bent over trying to reach that french fry you dropped on the floor you wouldn't have seen that semi either. Ya know?

And perhaps our (allegedly) one armed bandit was busy fiddling with him/herself while on the phone with a 900 number (also in the "throes" so her/his eyes were rolled in the back of his/her head). I mean, really, where's the sympathy, folks?

FYI is was not me driving THE CAR. That's just a nasty rumor started because, well, I don't know why. But it's vicious nonetheless.

At Wednesday, July 26, 2006 9:59:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Dirty - Let's be fair - if we nominate Dubya, we have to nominate Clinton...cause it's a Special Kind of Stupid that doesn't know what the definition of "is" is.

And regarding Isreal...I hope they kick some serious ass.

Stinky - I also thought I read Mormons. LOL! I was all "Damn, she's got some hate goin on" LOL. Apparently, the joke is on me. LOL

Super - Can to fix stupid! They can be spade or neutered. LOL

Kat - you know what this means don't you...I have to shoot you. I'm really sorry about this (takes gun out) but please know that it's for the good of all of us, except you. (BLAM) HOLD STILL DAMN IT (BLAM) YOU CAN'T HIDE FOREVER (BLAM) YOU'RE GONNA GET TIRED OF ALL THAT RUNNING AND ROLLING AROUND ON THE GROUND! (click) DAMN! It's jammed. (clears jam and reloads) (looks left and right) YOU CAN'T HIDE FOREVER YOU KNOW! I'LL KNOW IT'S YOU WHEN I SEE YOU SLIDING DOWN THE INTERSTATE SIDEWAYS!

At Wednesday, July 26, 2006 10:00:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

GRATIS - LMAO. Don't lie. We know it was you. LOL

At Thursday, July 27, 2006 1:20:00 AM, Blogger kat said...

i am frightened and yet cracking up at the same time. you are a very scary woman, nikki. see, now i'll have to pray for you or something.

actually it's rather inevitable that i'll be sliding sideways at some point due to the snow up here. damnit.

At Thursday, July 27, 2006 6:25:00 AM, Blogger Samantha said...

Great, you just HAD to tell that story when I'm learning to drive LOL. Stupid people should be forced to wear bells around their necks or something, to let us normal folk know they're coming :)

At Thursday, July 27, 2006 9:48:00 AM, Anonymous nikki said...

yeah i can comment again! stupid drivers- try michigan in the middle of a snowstorm with egomaniac suv drivers and you can spot the idiots right away!

At Thursday, July 27, 2006 1:21:00 PM, Blogger Rev. Smokin Steve said...

Jersey drivers...

They ain't as bad as Massachusetts drivers. Just my opinion.

At Thursday, July 27, 2006 2:03:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Kat - Get to Prayin' N-O-W (lifts gun)

Samantha - Idiots abound on the roads. Good luck to you. Don't be a road idiot.

Nikki - Um, no thanks. I have a hard enough time with the dumbasses here. We don't get alot of snow, so when we get a substantial one, the SUV owners think they rule the roost -UNTIL THEY WRECK, while the rest of us are creeping merrily along.

Rev - We get some of those down here to (the I95 corridor is very active with the yanks) and I will agree that they do suck ass at the hand-eye corridination that is required to drive.

At Thursday, July 27, 2006 4:17:00 PM, Blogger Dirty Birdie said...

Or Mormons for that matter....

At Thursday, July 27, 2006 4:46:00 PM, Blogger Dave Migman said...

Hallo Nikki
I've a mate who ran himself over... he was actually driving at the time and he heard this rattling noise, so he opened the door and peeked out. Now he was going up a slight incline and at a crawl,but it's no excuse for what happened next - The door opened wider and He, being a short-ass wee guy, couldn't pull himself back up... still with one hand on the steering wheel, half an eye on the road to his horror he began to fall out, dragged out by the pivoting door. So the car ran over his foot and he had to hobble after the bastard to get it back....

At Thursday, July 27, 2006 8:15:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Dave - Welcome! Now that's a story to preserve for posterity.

At Friday, July 28, 2006 4:25:00 PM, Blogger Kevin Charnas said...

unfortunately they do breed...unchecked.

i met some of them this morning.


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