Thursday, July 27, 2006

And You You Wonder Why I Am The Way I Am

An especially endowed lady client leaves the office...

Nikki - Jim! OMG! Did you see that lady? She has obviously had those things done.

Jim - Why do you think that?

Nikki - Because no bra in the world pushes your boobs up until they touch your chin.

Jim - Well, that's okay with me. I enjoy artifically flavored food.


A conversation between hubby and I, after he refused to see reason...

Nikki - Alright! This is the part where I pluck you in the ding-ding.

Charles - This is the part where I pluck you in the ovary.

Nikki - Oh! (covering abdomen) YOU'RE GOING TO PLUCK ME IN THE OVARIES?

Charles - What was I supposed to say? That I'm going to pluck you in the clitoris?


Charles talks to Connor while he's whippin up dinner. Charles says "I'm gonna teach you how to cook little man. All the ladies will love you and want to keep you around...

Nikki - You know the only reason I keep you around is because you're a good cook.

Charles - You know the only reason I keep you around is because you have big boobs.


On my birthday, the office threw me a little party. They got me a cake and they all signed a card.

There are 4 other people that work in my office, one person signed Happy Bithday Nikki, another signed Happy 21st Birthday Again, one simply signed his name, JIM however, lovingly signed

Happy Birthday Bitch.

No one has seen him since.


Riding down a back road and I read a street sign incorrectly...

Nikki - Well, don't I just feel stupid!

Charles - Stupid...ER

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At Friday, July 28, 2006 12:52:00 AM, Blogger kat said...

see, i like you the way you are. i am a member of the nikki fan club. i used to have conversations like this but that was before i devoted my life to a propper work atmosphere. fuck that. i want to talk about boobies more.

tonight i will dream that i am the nikki...even if she is reeeaalllyyy old.

At Friday, July 28, 2006 1:08:00 AM, Anonymous Talina said...

I enjoyed reading your blog, found it on
Thanks for the laugh, your writing style is great!!

At Friday, July 28, 2006 7:28:00 AM, Blogger Annie Drogynous said...

Nikki I did a bad bad thing while reading your blog.

I laughed so loud at this post I farted.


Thought you would like that.

At Friday, July 28, 2006 8:17:00 AM, Blogger carmachu said...

Bwahahahahaha, that reminds me of converstaions with my wife. Especially last nights.....

At Friday, July 28, 2006 8:47:00 AM, Blogger Farm Girl said...

Very funny. I do, know for a fact that I'm not kep around for my big boobs since I don't have any. It must be my charming personality!! Sounds like you had a good time.

At Friday, July 28, 2006 9:57:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Kat - You're just saying that you are a fan so you can get away with calling me old. LOL

Talina - Welcome! and thanks. Stop by anytime.

Blair - (sprays Neutra Air) - glad (cough) you enjoyed it(cough)

Carm - I hope Kim gives you hell ;)

Les - charming personality?....yeah LOL

At Friday, July 28, 2006 10:28:00 AM, Blogger Samantha said...

I LOVE having conversations like that! I just wish I had the memory to remember them and write them down! Cheers for the laugh!

At Friday, July 28, 2006 10:29:00 AM, Anonymous nikki said...

ha! my husband keeps me around for my big boobs too. then again i only keep him around so he can kill the big spiders in my basement.

At Friday, July 28, 2006 10:32:00 AM, Blogger kim said...

im sure youre warped mind is due to your advanced age :)

At Friday, July 28, 2006 11:50:00 AM, Blogger Sven said...

It's a good thing I can cook too because I don't think my wife would stick around just for the boobs.

At Friday, July 28, 2006 12:10:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Sam - The only reason these got here is because I have taken to carring a small writing tablet with me where ever I go. I'm not kidding. I am cursed with the most terrible memory EVER.

Nikki - They are handy spider killers aren't they?

Kim - ppttthhhh LOL

Sven - LOL! You could be right.

At Friday, July 28, 2006 12:56:00 PM, Blogger Stinkypaw said...

That explains a lot! ;-D

BTW, love Jim's asnwer about him enhoying artificially flavored food!

At Friday, July 28, 2006 1:20:00 PM, Blogger Pendullum said...

Happy Birthday...
And that blog explains a lot...
MANY images are not swarming around in my brain...

When the Victoria Secret catalogue wuold come to our house and my wee one was still breast feeding... My husband would say...
Look Scooter, A take out menu!!!

I feel your pain Nikki! As I am living it too!!!

At Friday, July 28, 2006 1:59:00 PM, Blogger Rev. Smokin Steve said...

My fiancee keeps me around for my big boobs too.

At Friday, July 28, 2006 2:41:00 PM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At Friday, July 28, 2006 3:20:00 PM, Blogger Misha said...

It's all in the boobs, ladies, it's all in the boobs.

I only let my boyfriend hang around because he appreciates them so much and makes them feel good.

Men really are simple creatures. ;)

At Friday, July 28, 2006 3:54:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Stinky - I laughed so hard when he said that. He tries to be a southern gentleman - but fails so miserably sometimes he he

(hi jim)

Pendullum - SCOOTER! That is one of Connor's many nicknames! Take out menu...(snicker)

Rev - aren't you just ... ENDOWED.

Christina - Who is Pamela Sue?

Misha - you speak wisely and truthfully oh soul sista

At Friday, July 28, 2006 4:19:00 PM, Blogger Kevin Charnas said...

LOL..."Happy Birthday Bitch"??? Jim sounds like a real sweetheart. Talk about kicking someone in the ding ding...

At Friday, July 28, 2006 5:52:00 PM, Blogger Attila The Mom said...

You guys are hilarious. LOL

...I'm outta here. It smells like somebody farted.

At Friday, July 28, 2006 7:03:00 PM, Blogger The Poodle's Friend said...

Heehee! Plucked in the clitoris! That sounds fun.

Happy birthday, by the way! I share the birthday spirit!

At Friday, July 28, 2006 7:19:00 PM, Blogger carmachu said...

She cant give me hell. She just gets more snark in response.

At Friday, July 28, 2006 11:48:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Kevin - That's just Jim screwing around. It would be the same if you said "Happy Birthday Whore" nothing is meant by it and is done of the spirit of fun and shit talking.

Attila - Farted? Did you spot weld your hubby again? LOL

TPF - I tried to wish you a happy bday on your blog today but the stupid comments section kept messing up, so I wished you happy bday on Pan's blog. I'll do it again HAPPY B DAY!

Carm - Somehow, that just doesn't shock me. LOL

At Saturday, July 29, 2006 2:07:00 AM, Blogger kat said...

nikki, i don't really think people are old until they reach 95. i'm just the kind of person, though, who will say "yes" when asked "do i look fat in this?" just to make a point. so, you say you're old, i agree.

At Saturday, July 29, 2006 4:45:00 PM, Blogger Kristin said...

The whole family is funny!!! You are a super couple!!! Ah!! ENVY!

At Saturday, July 29, 2006 5:54:00 PM, Blogger Panacea said...

There is nothing like silly humour to keep you going on, right?

Oooh 'pluck you in the clitoris'? That sounds rather painful!

This is probably coming a little late, but happy birthday, by the way :)

At Saturday, July 29, 2006 7:46:00 PM, Anonymous mamatulip said...


You guys remind me of Dave and I. Honestly, this is how we are with each other. Poking fun, one-liners...I'm laughing my ass off.

At Saturday, July 29, 2006 8:32:00 PM, Blogger parnellpr said...

love the new title 4 comments. V funny. The fake boobs thing, you'd be surprised ( or perhaps not) at how many people who STILL can't tell the difference.......unless of course the woman in question gets em out to show. Pippa

At Sunday, July 30, 2006 1:13:00 AM, Blogger Girl In Her Underwear said...

Thanks for the giggles! I like the pic of the bush. I had to stare at it for a minute to figure out what I was looking at. For some reason I was looking for human anatomy--I guess it is--I was just looking for something more specific. Ha! The old guy in the background cracks me up.

Punched in the ovaries. What the heck!

At Monday, July 31, 2006 9:21:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Kat - LOL, stop exasorbating (sp) my feelings of being elderly LOL

Kristin - you envy me, I'll envy your trip to Hawaii - ALOHA!

Pan - Thanks! and yeah, we like to joke around. He's the most fun person I know.

Mama - We all need to get together and have a few beers. LOL

Parnell - thanks, I giggled when I was typing that in.

Blessed - Welcome! Your welcome for the giggles. You have given me some as well. How's your HIL?

At Wednesday, August 02, 2006 2:46:00 PM, Blogger Girl In Her Underwear said...


Hell in laws?

I'm new to all the abbreviations of the internet. I feel like I'm always trying to decode notes like I used to when my middle school students were passing notes.

Clue me in.

And now that you brought it to my attention, you are TOTALLY where I picked up that phrase! Ha ha!

At Wednesday, August 02, 2006 2:59:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Blessed - HIL stands for Horror in Law. LOL

I did a series on her. You can find it under "the good shit"

The little house that hell built.



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