Wednesday, August 08, 2007

HI HO CHARLIE!!! AAAWWWAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!

Years ago Charles, Lauren and I flew to Montana from Germany to visit my mother.....about 7 or 8 years ago I think it was.

I loved Montana. Gorgeous. Just gorgeous...

...anyway, mom took us to an outdoors store. You know what I'm talking about...good store for hunting, fishing, camping...I don't remember the name.....and as we were walking around and just having a general "look-see" Lauren, in all her cute adorableness saw a stuffed horse and fell in love with it.

I refused to pay for it...if I remember correctly, that stuffed horse was 20-30 bucks.....and I love my short people and everything, but there was no way I was going to pay that kind of money for a stuffed animal.....so grandma and granddaddy did (because they smoke crack).

On the way home, Lauren asked what she should name her stuffed horse. I think I offered up the name of "Fred" or something along those line. Grandma offered the name "Charlie".... I'll never forget the mischievous twinkle in her eye, and the grin on her face when she was doing it. I immediately protested, but it was to late...Lauren was taken with her Grandma, so Grandma got to name him....and Charlie Horse became her bedtime buddy, her playmate, her comfort.

Fast forward to Spring '07. I get a phone call from school....Lauren has had her first experience with a real Charlie Horse and claims that she can't walk....I even had to put her in the school wheelchair to get her out to the car.

She's fine by the time we get home, a bit sore, but okay.

"Here, my lovely little cripple. Eat a banana. It'll help."

"A banana?"

"It's good for you. Hush and eat, unless you want another Charlie Horse."

Lauren sits carefully on the edge of the couch and looks at Connor's toy box. Her stuffed Charlie Horse is languishing on top. I see her looking at it and I start cracking up. It's gonna hit her any second now.

She chews slowly, I can see the wheels turning behind her little eyeballs. She cuts her eyes at me...

"WHO NAMED HIM?!!!" she exclaimed hotly

"Your Grandma named him. It wasn't me. You can't blame this one on me." I threw up my hands and pressed myself back into the chair cushion.

"Why didn't you say something?

"I did!!! But you were two and you agreed that his name should be Charlie. No amount of talking I did made any difference."

She gave me such an accusatory look, it was so venomous.....and then she looked back at her Charlie Horse and didn't say another word about it.

Later that night, when she thought I was absorbed in cleaning the kitchen, my back turned to her...she snuck him back into her room. I heard her softly say.

"It's okay Charlie Horse. I still love you even if you are named after a cramp."

It almost killed me to wait until she was down the hall to start laughing....

7 years later, she had finally gotten the joke.

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22 Comments:

At Wednesday, August 08, 2007 6:45:00 PM, Blogger Cece said...

I LOVE that name! lol And what IS it with crack smokin' grandparents wasting their money on shit like that then make us look bad??? lol

 
At Wednesday, August 08, 2007 10:35:00 PM, Blogger Not a Granny said...

It took me til you fast forwarded to get it. That is funny!!

 
At Thursday, August 09, 2007 10:42:00 AM, Blogger Sayre said...

"...even if you are named after a cramp." OMG, the tears! The laughter. Make it stop now!!!! At least Grandma didn't name it PMS.

 
At Thursday, August 09, 2007 10:48:00 AM, Anonymous nikki said...

Hey! Sometimes it take me 7 years to get a joke!!!

(and don't all grandparents smoke crack?)

 
At Thursday, August 09, 2007 11:08:00 AM, Anonymous Mommie Dearest said...

Of course I smoke crack!!! That's why YOU are so dain bramaged.Ha! Ha! Besides, what else would a RN name a horse? Huh? I am so proud that my granddaughter has a sick sense of humor too. It has been lovingly nurtured and passed down from generation to generation. Thanks for the smile and give my beautiful grandchildren a hug from Gramma O. Mommiekins

 
At Thursday, August 09, 2007 1:53:00 PM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

You're evil and going to hell on teh express train. You know that right??

 
At Thursday, August 09, 2007 4:55:00 PM, Anonymous Jeff said...

Nice story. I needed a chuckle.

 
At Friday, August 10, 2007 11:08:00 AM, Anonymous jennyjinx said...

How cute! I guess we all know where you get your sense of humor, huh? Poor Lauren.

 
At Friday, August 10, 2007 1:21:00 PM, Blogger Superstar said...

*giggles*
That is so funny!

Of course w/ your Military background, I thought it might go the other way.

 
At Saturday, August 11, 2007 2:21:00 AM, Blogger Scully's Moulder said...

Ohhhh, that's hilarious. I just love how kids give us things to tell stories on. BTW, Scully's doing fine, just sweating her arse off.

 
At Saturday, August 11, 2007 4:25:00 PM, Blogger Dr Joseph McCrumble said...

Lost in translation, I'm afraid. Please explain it to me one more time...

 
At Saturday, August 11, 2007 4:39:00 PM, Blogger Jeff said...

Hi Nikki, just wanted to stop by and thank you for your contributions to Boiled Dinner. Unfortunately I'm hanging it up. Real life's more important, you know? But I'll still be around in comments, so I'll see you. Peace!

 
At Saturday, August 11, 2007 8:04:00 PM, Blogger carmachu said...

And that my friends, is all about what grandparents are all about. Torturing their kids through their grand kids....

Thats awesome.

 
At Sunday, August 12, 2007 3:56:00 AM, Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Hehehe.

Potassium, calcium supplements might help.

Pushing her foot up into a prone position will do it right away. LOL

No wheelchair necessary. ;-)

 
At Sunday, August 12, 2007 11:44:00 AM, Blogger Pendullum said...

I hate to think of the evil you will come up with when you have grandchildren....
As Your mother, your mother, has raised the bar....
Only hope you can attain the same wicked cracked up humour...

 
At Sunday, August 12, 2007 12:57:00 PM, Blogger Los said...

Charlie-Horse! That's fantastic!

 
At Monday, August 13, 2007 9:31:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Joe - a "Charlie Horse" is a severe cramp. I used to get them all the time when I was pregnant with my most recent heathen...didn't matter how much K I took in. I woke up with a Charlie Horse in my calf one night and it hurt so bad I couldn't even stretch it out....all I could do was wave my leg in the air and say "aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, oooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhh, uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggnnnnnnnnnnnnnn"

My leg was sore for days.
It's funny now, but it wasn't then.

 
At Monday, August 13, 2007 5:51:00 PM, Anonymous happykat said...

I'm happy to hear that even when the monkeys get older they will still provide some measure of entertainment (if nothing else).

Good to see ya, Nik.

 
At Tuesday, August 14, 2007 5:44:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Holy Shit HK!

It's good to see you too.

Stop by any ol' time....and if you ever take up blogging again...let me know.

 
At Thursday, August 16, 2007 1:53:00 PM, Blogger Stinkypaw said...

Better late than never, and I see that you didn't fall far from the tree, did you, when it comes to humour?! ;-)

 
At Thursday, August 16, 2007 11:37:00 PM, Blogger Shrig said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

 
At Friday, August 17, 2007 10:22:00 PM, Anonymous Annie Drogynous said...

That's a really cute story! Thanks for sharing!

 

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