Friday, July 14, 2006

SON OF A...

Late one evening, while I was innocently checking my email(are you buying this? - innocent - yeah, that describes me)and hubby came into the computer room with me and chatted a bit(like I wanted to hear it, but whatever). Nothing unusual there. We opened the window (light drizzle outside - I'm not standing in that to smoke and the computer room door is kept closed) and were smoking and talking and goofing around.

Charles' Nextel goes off. CRAP! It's 9pm! I couldn't believe they were going to call him into work that late, but it happens from time to time.

It's HWB (Hubby's Work Buddy)

"Hey man! You have GOT to come over here! I'm at this ladies house and they are havin some wild ass party and everybody on the face of the EARTH is invited! They got some really HOT chicks, I'm sure we could both score! That chick that you met last week is here man! Get your sorry ass over here, she says she wants to play with you again! One chick has perfect 36C's. They just stand at attention. I think I'm going lick them or something! WOOO HOOOOOO!" He already sounded more than drunk.

I couldn't say a damn thing. I was so shocked out of my mind. Then my mind went to working overtime.

THAT SON OF A BITCH! What in the hell was he doing when he was supposed to be at work? What the fuck?! I'M GONNA FUCKING KILL HIS SORRY CHEATIN' ASS AND STRING HIM UP BY HIS INTESTINES!

I look at Charles, still to shocked to speak and he is looking uncomfortable to say the least. He even went so far as to try to hide the Nextel down by his leg and his eyes are as big as saucers. The OH SHIT expression is on his face.

Murderous rage enters me. I lock eyes with him, and he KNOWS he ain't staying in my fucking house tonight.

HWB: Hey MAN! Are you there? You comin or what? They got three kegs man! And I think that's a happy pill bowl. We're gonna fuckin PPPPAARRRTTYYYY!!

Me: (I don't really remember my exact words because I was so upset, but I'll try to get you close) You sorry sack of shit. I despise you. Get the fuck out of my house. You don't get to pack a FUCKING THING! JUST GET THE FUCK OUT! NOW! GET THE FUCK OUT!

By this time I had stood up and was in his face. My nose was almost touching his.

Charles gets up, backs away and responds to HWB on the Nextel.

"Hey man, we got her. She's pretty pissed to. Why don't you tell her hello."

HWB - "HEY NIKKI! I GOT YOUR ASS BACK FOR PRANK CALLING ME LIKE FOUR TIMES! HAHAHAHAHA! YOU SUCK!"

Me - HUH?

Hubby - ((snicker))

Me - WTF is . . HUH?

HWB - NIKKI! NIKKIIIIII! I GOTCHA! HAHAHAHAH! I GOT CHORE ASS! HAHAHAH! SUCKER!

Me - (Outrage, anger, astonishment, relief, all at the same time) SON OF A BITCH!

Hubby - I love you baby. (add big shit eating grin)

Me - You ASS! You are in such deep trouble, you just have no idea.

Hubby - Serves you right Little Miss Practical Jokes.

Me - (I can't help it, I'm starting to smile) I'm gonna kick your ass Charles. You'd better go get your cup on.

I started laughing my ass off. I got gotten, but GOOD.

Me - Charles, exactly which one of you thought that up?

Charles - GRIN

Me - uh huh. Watch yourself buddy. I'm gettin you back.

Charles - I just got you back on the twins thing, you can't get me back just because I got you back.

Me - That's true, but I've got to top it.(evil grin)

Charles - It's just a viscous cycle baby, a viscous cycle.

Me - (snicker)

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44 Comments:

At Friday, July 14, 2006 12:15:00 PM, Blogger kim said...

OMG Nikki!! He got you good girly!! lmfao ... I so knew he was going to get even ...
I think you should still kick his ass lol

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 12:30:00 PM, Blogger Lucky said...

Wow..he even got ME there. And I was just reading it. I actually read it twice before I read the whole thing...so maybe he got me more than you...

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 12:37:00 PM, Blogger Stinkypaw said...

NICE! High Five to Charles!

I must say, he got you good even if it was a little mean!

Good one!

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 12:43:00 PM, Anonymous Wayne Ordinary American said...

I'm not up to speed on your past bloggings/practical jokes, but...wow, you must've done some good ones to deserve this.
Fantastic!

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 12:43:00 PM, Blogger Victoria said...

WOW! That's why I don't do practical jokes (anymore) -- payback is a bitch!

I was horrified intil I got to the part explaining it was a joke. I don't think I would ever have the guts to pull off something like what Charles did...

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 12:44:00 PM, Anonymous nikki said...

oh man that was a good one, but for a moment there i think all the women of the internet were going to unite and come on over and help you kick his ass. now we can help you come up with ideas to get even.

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 1:45:00 PM, Blogger Oh, The Joys said...

That is hilarious because they GOT ME TOO. I was feeling COMPLETELY INDIGNANT on your behalf and ready to FIGHT. Man. Good one. YOu must top it.

Also, refreshing to be here where you can freely swear. Did I mention that I LOVE TO SWEAR?

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 1:46:00 PM, Blogger jennster said...

OMFG! omg.. i was DYING reading this. DYING.. my heart was breaking for you.. fuck.. thank the fucking GODDESS it was a joke! lol

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 2:23:00 PM, Blogger Mel said...

LMFAO!!!! Man, Nikki... he got you, he got many of your readers, and surely got me, because I was fixin' to blow my top!
That's awesome.

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 2:26:00 PM, Blogger The Poodle's Friend said...

Outrage, anger, astonishment, relief

That describes me whilst reading this post. What a great joke, though. Yeah, he got you back for the twins thing!

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 2:45:00 PM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

You gave me flash backs of my first husband and his extra-martial antics. Now that I am breathing again and not seeing red FOR you, he got you, woman. Oh, but good! lmao

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 2:49:00 PM, Blogger Farm Girl said...

Holy crap, I don't even know how I would have responded to that. You were on a roll though. So glad it was only a joke.

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 3:02:00 PM, Blogger St Jude said...

Superb, he does like to live on the edge though doesn't he!

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 3:05:00 PM, Anonymous Jim Brodhead said...

While you were at lunch, some guy called and asked if you wanted to come to a party.

Ducking and running... ;-)~

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 4:18:00 PM, Blogger Rainman said...

I saw it coming a mile away. Any guy with a nextel who gets a beep from a buddy after 8pm or so, knows he better mute that thang like yesterday. And to think that you fell for it that easy? I'm Ashamed of you Nikki! tsk tsk tsk

And your outta the practical joke Club.

Oh give your hubs a high five for me ok!

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 4:35:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Kim - I think I'm going to shoot him.

Lucky - I couldn't believe it. I was so blown away. The sneaky fart.

Stinkypaw - He didn't get even, he got ahead, and I just can't have that. LOL

WOA - When pregnant with our first child, I told him it was twins. It seems that he's been carring a grudge for 9 years or so. LOL

MN - How could I be mad after all the crap that I pull. I really have to give him credit. It was original and caught me totally off guard.

Nikki - Ideas to get even? hmmmmm
That's gonna be my next post, think on it and help a sista out.

Joy - I believe you may have mentioned that before.LOL Join the club.

Jenn - I couldn't believe that crap either. LOL

Mel - It seems that my husband is evil. Evil, Evil, Evil. LOL

TPF - I agree, it was a great joke. It's going down in the joke book hall of fame. (that bastard - lol)

Christina - I have been gotten - I'm not ashamed, just bent on revenge.

Les - I was TREMENDOUSLY glad it was only a joke. (that bastard- lol)

St Jude - live on the edge? not really, but if he ever gets me that good again, I'm gonna make him sleep on the couch LOL (no I wouldn't - he's been saving up for 10 years, he was due)

Jim - I just want you to know, I ordered the liquid ass on line just a few minutes ago. (not really, but I want you to think about that for a while - lol)

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 4:36:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Rain Man - Do you realize how much trouble you're in?

SICK HIM GIRLS! LOL

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 5:28:00 PM, Anonymous melissa b. said...

He got me too! I was all THAT SON OF A BITCH and I'M COMING OUT THERE AND WE'RE ALLLLL GOING TO KICK HIS ASS.

And then, ha?

Omg, wow!

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 5:42:00 PM, Blogger Superstar said...

Well it's a good thing that HE thought that was funny...I was packing my bags and airline passes to fly and kick his bootie!
~unpacking suitcase~

JESHHHHHH

BAWAAAHHHHHH funny though! ;o)

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 5:58:00 PM, Anonymous poet said...

how ya gonna top that one, huh?

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 7:21:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Melisa - he better be glad he told me when he did. It was gettin' ready to be real ugly LOL

Poet - I have no idea. I'm workin on it.

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 7:27:00 PM, Blogger Elle*Bee said...

Wicked! ;-)

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 7:38:00 PM, Blogger 34quinn said...

oh Nikki you got "punked" by your hubby ..too funny ...
I would have slapped the snot out of him.

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 8:47:00 PM, Blogger carmachu said...

Bwahahahahhahahaha *falls off the chair laughing*

Man, that was great. You absolutely got what you deserved....

Now if you wnat payback, you're gonna have to wait like 2-3 months and lie low......'cause he'll be expecting something.

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 8:48:00 PM, Blogger carmachu said...

Oh you ladies are just mad, 'cause you assumed guys cheat.....the guys know better than to cheat. Or to learn to hide it ALOT better than that.....*grin*

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 9:39:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Superstar - All help would have been appreciated. I appreciate the thought FROM EVERYBODY!

Elle - he certainly is. HE HE

Quinn - I did indeed get punked. Don't think I didn't want to hit him, but I firmly believe that you never hit a man unless you plan on getting hit back.

Carm - get your evil brain brewing. I'm going to be asking for suggestions. LOL . . . and yes, I had it coming. You just can't practical joke someone for 10 years and not expect to be gotten back. LOL

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 10:27:00 PM, Blogger Brandi said...

Oh that is just wrong!!! LOL! I would have kicked my husband's ass just for scaring me like that!!!
Paybacks are a bitch tho!

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 10:50:00 PM, Blogger carmachu said...

I think I can come up an idea or two....depending on just how far you wish to go.....

 
At Saturday, July 15, 2006 8:48:00 AM, Blogger Pendullum said...

Wow...
You both had me there...
I was reading it, thinking how does she write this so calmly? how does she recall everything????ohhh... after the last entry he couldn't....
poor nikki...WTF???
a joke....
A JOKE????
he had better get that cup on!!!!
and run!
Good on Charles ESPECIALLY after I read that twins blog!

 
At Saturday, July 15, 2006 11:41:00 AM, Blogger Me said...

OH GOD!!!
You got pranked.

 
At Saturday, July 15, 2006 12:01:00 PM, Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Oh boy. I don't think I'd want to be around for round 3!

I used to know this nutty lady (and I'm saying USED to know, because she scared the crap outta me) who told me the "secret" of a good marriage.

Every time her hubby pissed her off over something trivial, she'd do something to get him back.

She'd grind up bugs and serve it up in his meatloaf.

He never had a clue, but it sure made HER feel better.

Yikes. I wouldn't be surprised if she'd graduated to ground glass or drain cleaner at this point.

 
At Saturday, July 15, 2006 12:47:00 PM, Blogger Annie Drogynous said...

DAMN.

Nuff said.

 
At Saturday, July 15, 2006 4:51:00 PM, Anonymous Breigh said...

HAHA holy shit! I think my husband's friends would know better than to try that with me. He'd be picking up his teeth with broken fingers before they even got to tell me it was a joke :P

(Found you on Lucky's site btw) Great blog!

 
At Saturday, July 15, 2006 5:43:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Brandi - Indeed they are.

Carm - We have rules for practical jokes.

1. Nothing involving the health of our children or family. (obviously)

2. It can't be done maliciously. No hurtful jokes allowed.

3. Know the points not to cross. You know nothing shaming or anything like that. Everything else is pretty much open.

Pendullum - I know, I was bad (snicker).

Me - Yes indeedy, I did. He got me GOOOOOOD. LOL

Attila - Yeah, she's a nut job. I don't go in for that weird stuff. It's all for fun. We like the spice of life here, not bugs AS spices. LOL

Blair - Yep. I'm not gonna argue with you there.

Breigh - Welcome! And thanks. I really can't say anything about HWB, I had prank called him like 4 times. He was just getting me back.

 
At Saturday, July 15, 2006 7:29:00 PM, Anonymous mamatulip said...

*snort*

BURN!!

 
At Saturday, July 15, 2006 8:16:00 PM, Blogger carmachu said...

PLenty of room to work with.......

 
At Sunday, July 16, 2006 1:34:00 AM, Blogger Kevin Charnas said...

HHAA!! YOU DESERVE THIS NIKKI!!! You asked for it, many times.
However, I was starting to get kind of nervous while I was reading this...(before I knew it was a joke) I was like, "Holy shit, what's going on?"

wow. that was good.

 
At Sunday, July 16, 2006 4:25:00 AM, Blogger Panacea said...

Ha, great post there. Yep, he got you and everyone else reading this blog. It was a fabulous joke and you're going to have a hard time getting back at him for this.

You and Charles are too cute to be true :)

 
At Sunday, July 16, 2006 10:31:00 AM, Anonymous gratis said...

That was classic. My eyes were bleeding for you (because, yeah, I'd so kill) until you let on it was a joke. Now it's all laughter and giggles. Very, very good.

How're you going to top that? Hmmm?

 
At Sunday, July 16, 2006 1:16:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Mama - he's in for it.

Kevin - I will not say that I didn't deserve it. I still contend that I need to participate in the time honored tradition of "One-upmanship". Get to thinkin.

Pan - Thanks.

Gratis - don't know, thinking, thinking thinking.

 
At Monday, July 17, 2006 9:45:00 AM, Blogger Rainman said...

Nikki,
I have a very good one for you all lined up, but to tell you would be breaking the rules. You see guys have to stick together or you will get kicked out of the "he man woman haters club". shheeesh girls.

 
At Monday, July 17, 2006 1:11:00 PM, Blogger kat said...

tee hee.

 
At Monday, July 17, 2006 4:14:00 PM, Blogger Dirty Birdie said...

I'd kick his ass out of the house anyway, at least for the night.

If my husband did that to me, he wouldn't be able to walk for weeks. Asshole.

 
At Friday, July 21, 2006 4:22:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I say briefly: Best! Useful information. Good job guys.
»

 

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