Monday, August 14, 2006

Week One - Operation: Lose That Ass

Yes, my ass is a very scary thing. You may run now - to the nearest mental help facility. Just keep in mind, they will not be able to get rid of this aweful image that is now burned permanently into your brain. NAY! Not even tears will wash it away.

Yeah, I was getting ready to vacumn and remembered I needed to take these pics. I kept my oh so glorious orange tee-shirt on just for, those are not pumpkins in my shirt...nor are there any animals in a blanket wrestling down my pants (I checked).

Age - 32
Height - 5'7" (and some change)
Weight - don't know, my scale seems to have gone kerflewy. I'll have it posted for you in the morning.
Pants Size - 14, almost 16
Target Pants Size - 12

Curteousy of The Blair Bitch, she has sent us some weight loss tips, seems she has been here, done that, and made her own kick ass T-shirt. I have listed them for you below.

Dieting in front of your kids can have an effect on how they eat and see food so eat healthy foods with small portions and show your kids how they should eat all the time.

What you want to eat are the right sized portions. That's what you should check when you're deciding what to eat, not calories.

A side salad with lunch and dinner. Your digestive system won't thank you right away for all the ruffage (sp) but it will make you feel full and you won't want to eat your entire meal.

An 8 ounce glass of water while you're preparing meals. Water fills
you up.

5 meals/day. 3 doesn't cut it. Snacks inbetween don't count as a meal.
5 SMALL MEALS/DAY. A serving of meat of your choice, vegetables, fruits,

Eat whatever you want. Yes, I said WHATEVER YOU WANT! Just eat it in moderation. So if you have a craving for a sweet, you eat a small piece of it. If you want cake, you have a sliver. You nibble these and eat them VERRRRY slowly and I assure you, this will satisfy your craving.

Asparagus is a diuretic. You will lose water eating it so eat lots of it.

You don't have to spend a ton of money on fresh veggies, canned and frozen are just as good and will last you longer, too.

FISH over chicken any day. You metabolize fish faster than chicken or red meat.

I Can't Believe It's Not Butter spray. 0 calories if you're worried about calories.

Do NOT leave out carbs just reduce how much you eat. Carbs are brain food and if you don't eat them you won't be able to focus and you will feel fuzzy-headed and "off". But stay away from breads and pastas if you can. Melba toast is good.

NUTS!! Almonds, especially. More antioxidants.

If I can think of anything else I will let you know.

I also have the sidebar done up for Operation: Lose That Ass. If I missed you, please let me know and I'll fix it right away.

K, that's it...snark away.

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At Sunday, August 13, 2006 11:01:00 PM, Blogger 34quinn said...


And hey there Nikki super nice to have a picture to the name. I wish I had a digital camera, I understand that my web cam can take still shots so maybe I will play with that.
Until then I put my stats up anyways.
Thanks for the helpfull tips.

At Sunday, August 13, 2006 11:54:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Quinn - the only reason I have a digital camera is b/c I won it in a contest at work.

I still can't make the damn thing do what I is not my friend. LOL ...and you're welcome for the tips, it's only right to share - Blair shared them with me.

At Monday, August 14, 2006 12:49:00 AM, Blogger mollymcmommy said...

the ass is ok, really! i could take a bite outta that ass!

i'm on an operation lose ass too, my summer has been a free for all and while enjoyable my ass is mad at me, and since my ass rules, i figure i gotta get back on the bandwagon.

friggin technology, you'd think they's have a pill or an injection so we can eat whatever the hell we want and not deal with the ass?

great tips hon, thanks :)


At Monday, August 14, 2006 1:08:00 AM, Blogger kim said...

Nikki! you are SOOOOOO cute!!!
And stop talking bad about your ass right this minute!
I wish you tons of success and I love you bunches ...*hugs*
Now go eat asparagus!

At Monday, August 14, 2006 1:43:00 AM, Blogger ~d said...

EFF ME! EFF ME! I have an effing ass shot. Crap, crap, crap! I will get it up there later on on Monday.
YOU look FINE to me!
Shit, rats ass. EFF!
Are you sure the anxiety won't knock a few pounds off?!

At Monday, August 14, 2006 7:31:00 AM, Blogger Sayre said...

I've posted my own scary ass - sans head and belly - just my ass. It's scary enough all on its own!

Thanks for the links, Nikki! I shall visit each one and see who dared to put their ass online (as opposed to "on-the-line"!

By the way, You look like me - just before I got pregnant (8 years ago!!!) and then I kept my "baby fat".

At Monday, August 14, 2006 8:47:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Molly - stop it hon, you're exciting me LOL There is such a pill actually, it's called phentermine. sigh, I wish I could use that happy little pill.

Kim - Sweetie, are you eyes tired? That's me after cleaning all day, no make up, not dressed up - just lookin scary. LOL But thanks. HUGGGSSSSS

~d - Hon, if you have a heart attach and lose all the weight in the hospital, you will be disqualified from the game LOL

Sayre - When I got pregnant with my daughter (who is 8 now) I was a size 8. When I got pregnant with my son, I was a size 12. I wanna go back to a size 12 (for this game) maybe, if I can stand it, I'll be able to get in a size 10...eventually. LOL

At Monday, August 14, 2006 9:23:00 AM, Blogger Los said...

scales should be banned anyway, dammit!

At Monday, August 14, 2006 9:26:00 AM, Blogger Annie Drogynous said...

Nikki dear, you are BEAUTIFUL! You've got realistic goals and you're on your way! Baby steps. Once you reach a size 12 you won't wanna' stop!

Did I forget to mention exercise, exercise, exercise?!?! Housework, yard work, or the gym, it doesn't matter, it all burns it away!

Do not weigh yourself everday! There will be times that you think you've lost weight, step on the scale and will be disappointed. If you work out, this will add muscle which weighs more than fat so don't get discouraged! Sometimes it's better to lose the inches than the weight!

At Monday, August 14, 2006 10:36:00 AM, Blogger Farm Girl said...

I love you no matter what but wish you good luck on your weight loss quest. You are cute.

Do you have any Xanax for ~d?

At Monday, August 14, 2006 11:23:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Los - you speak wisely. That's kinda weird for a man. LOL

Blair - Thank you hon, but I wouldn't go for beautiful. I wouldn't scare small children, but I'm no beauty queen either. I'm just "Nikk-o-licious" LOL

Les - Thanks

At Monday, August 14, 2006 11:32:00 AM, Blogger Pendullum said...

Never knew asparagus was diuritic...

You are beautiful Miss. Nikki darling...
And far too scathing on yourself...
You're gorgeous!!!

At Monday, August 14, 2006 12:04:00 PM, Anonymous Jeff said...

Not so bad! I have decided to do it as a distance. Maybe I will give reports on my blog, but at least I will give 'em to you in comments.

At Monday, August 14, 2006 12:24:00 PM, Anonymous melissa b. said...

You have a nice ass!

Next time, show pictures in lingerie, with a little hip pop. Aw yeah.

No, really, you look great. And thanks for all those tips, I'm not in lose that ass mode exactly (baby crap) but I do need to eat better.

Good luck!!

At Monday, August 14, 2006 12:36:00 PM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

Snark. Snark, snark. Look at you and that fabulous orange t-shirt. Forget your ass. I'm thinking we need to put that away until October, mmmkay? *laughing*

GO LOOOOOOOOOSERS! *shakes pom pom and little loose strings fly all over Nikki's house*

At Monday, August 14, 2006 12:39:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Pendullum - You are fast becoming one of my favorite people. LOL

Jeff - Thank You - and I love it that you have decided to play - even if it's just a little bit.

Melissa - (holds out hand) Give me the pipe, the CRACK PIPE. My ass is terrible. Just scary and terrible. LOL But I'm inviting you over for tiny cakes and chocolate covered strwberries just cause you made me feel good.

At Monday, August 14, 2006 12:44:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Christina - hold still for a minute would you, I'm gonna kick your ass. I JUST VACUMNED!!!

At Monday, August 14, 2006 1:47:00 PM, Anonymous Jenny said...

You're adorable!

Whenever I want to lose weight I do the unhealthy skip breakfast and eat lots of fat free microwave popcorn thing.

I'm such a bad influence.

At Monday, August 14, 2006 2:37:00 PM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

Girl, you gotta catch my ass first. *runs away flippin' her the bird*

At Monday, August 14, 2006 2:58:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Jenny - I've seen your picture and you're gorgeous, if you lose any weight, there won't be anything left of you (I'll give you some of my weight - I'm a sharin ho like that)

Christina - I know where you blog. You can't hide.

At Monday, August 14, 2006 3:01:00 PM, Blogger Kristin said...

I spend my life trying to lose something... ass/stomach/thighs... the chub... it travels.

You are cute cute cute in that orange tee!

At Monday, August 14, 2006 3:08:00 PM, Blogger Superstar said...

sugarfree peppermint chocolate, at Wal-Mart (russels is the cheapest) BEST tasing treat! YUM! If you still want it after 20 min, go get it!
Portions the size of your fist, and think fresh fruits, veggies, and fresh meat. Switch all Ground beef to Turkey to save fat and calories...Just a few tips I have been living on. ;o) Ever notice that at the grocery store all the "good" fresh foods are on the outside isles? Shop only around the outside asle (perimeter) and see what I mean? Only the eggs, cheese, fresh fruits and veggies. All the sugar and PROCESSED foods are on the inside...Alarming huh???

At Monday, August 14, 2006 3:38:00 PM, Blogger Dr Joseph McCrumble said...

What are we going to bite if you get rid of it?

At Monday, August 14, 2006 4:25:00 PM, Blogger Shrig said...

That orange shirt is kind of doing something for me ;) J/K. I think you look good as well. Good Luck and Be Safe :)

At Monday, August 14, 2006 5:16:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Kristin - Thank you, it surprizes me that you think so, orange is definately NOT one of my colors.

Super! - thank you for the tips!!! (blows kisses)

Dr Joe - There will be plenty left - don't lose any sleep over it or anything LOL

Shrig - Thanks. I hope things are better for you.

At Monday, August 14, 2006 5:28:00 PM, Blogger jennster said...

dude- i don't even think your ass looks big!!!!!! honestly?!?!! wtf?! and i would shop at target forever if they gave me smaller jean sizes! LOL
i love that you're doing this.. right on!

At Monday, August 14, 2006 5:44:00 PM, Blogger Mrs. CPA said...

I thought that you meant Target had jeans that you wore in a smaller size Maybe this means I've spent too much time there.

Maybe jennster has too.

At Monday, August 14, 2006 6:24:00 PM, Blogger carmachu said...

Damn it, now that I've seen those pics, I have to find the rusty spoons to gouge out my eyes.....

Good luck!

At Monday, August 14, 2006 7:34:00 PM, Blogger Anna said...

I'll be posting shameful photos of me soon... although to be honest my ass isn't really so bad.

It's my tummy, hips and thighs that I really don't like.

At Monday, August 14, 2006 9:02:00 PM, Anonymous Mommie Dearest said...


At Monday, August 14, 2006 9:09:00 PM, Blogger Oh, The Joys said...

So nice to see you!!!

As you know, The Lady Flabina is working hard in this arena. This may be anathema to you, but for starch the ww people are a-ok with GRITS over pasta or bread. (Though I have been known to ask, "Why even EAT corn" because of the resulting poo... but that is another story...) Anyway, if you cook them sort of stiff and pretend they are polenta or FIBER-Y mashed potatoes you can eat them as a carb and their filling, but not too punative.

At Monday, August 14, 2006 9:59:00 PM, Blogger Mama C said...

I could not get Blogger to upload my photo. I will get it up (giggle) as soon as possible. Hubs looked at me funny when I asked himto take a pic of my ass. Will have to do that again sometime!

At Monday, August 14, 2006 10:20:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Jennster - I totally didn't even relate that my target jean could be meant for my "TARGET" jean LOL How dumb am I? LOL

Mrs CPA - Welcome! That's okay about the Target thing. LOL It didn't even occur to me! Don't worry about Jennster - she would have Target babies if she could - she said so. LOL

Carm - Here, let me do that for you. LOL

Anna, I have a problem with any place on my body that has...well, skin apparently LOL. j/k

Mommy Dearest - LMAO! I was wondering who was going to be the one who picked up on that. I crack myself up sometimes. I mean Nikki-o-licious? snerk! But you know me well enought to know I was just bullshitting. Love you!!!!

Joy - I'll have to look into that, thanks. Being born and raised in the south, I love me a grit. LOL

Mama C - I had a hard time (hee hee) with blogger last night getting mine to upload as well...and I have no earthly idea why Charles has suddenly moved the video camera into the bedroom LOL

At Monday, August 14, 2006 10:55:00 PM, Blogger Lisa Goldstein/Kelly Kelly said...

Very good, healthy tips.


At Monday, August 14, 2006 11:13:00 PM, Blogger kat said...

you know what it means now that i know what you look like. i can harass you on the street! yup. that's me messin with your head, asking for the time, wolf whistling, etc. me. well, next time i go east.

oh, and my ass is so much bigger than yours. just sayin. i have a picture way back there on my blog of my ass somewhere. i could share my ass with my mom's flat one and still have room to spare. gah. good luck.

At Monday, August 14, 2006 11:46:00 PM, Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Hey, no offense, but I think you look pretty dang good!

At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 12:00:00 AM, Blogger MQ said...

Here's one to add to your list. Echinacea. Yup, it's not only good for the immune system but it also works as a "flusher" least in my house... :)

At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 8:44:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Lisa - definately, I appreciate that Blair sent them (THANKS BLAIR!) Don't want anyone getting sick or passing out.

Kat - somehow I secretly knew that you were a lesbian minister - all those cat calls and wolf whistles - you've given yourself away. LOL

Attila - Thanks (go take your meds)

MQ - Echinachea - I love that stuff.

At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 9:22:00 AM, Blogger carmachu said...

No doing it for me. Frankly that means I have to see you in person thats the last thing *I* want to see....


At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 12:16:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

LOL - smart ass

At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 12:31:00 PM, Anonymous nikki said...

your picture is 10 times better than mine! i'm still going to win though!

At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 12:35:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Dream on girly - I'm so kicking your ass.

When I'm done with you, you'll be crying yourself sick, curled up in a little ball, whimpering about how magnificent I am.


At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 12:44:00 PM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

Talk that smack. Woohoo!

At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 1:11:00 PM, Anonymous nikki said...

oh no hun, correction i will be crying from laughing so hard when i kick your ass and have to read about how wonderful i am on your blog. you really need to stop smoking that cheap crack. it's making you hallucinate.

At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 2:23:00 PM, Blogger Rainman said...

Good luck Nikki
We do one of these every year at work and man is it a pain in the ass.

At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 4:34:00 PM, Blogger carmachu said...

Better than being a dumbass, dumbass....

At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 4:37:00 PM, Blogger 34quinn said...

hey nikki,
Okay ,, has been done , I have posted a picture of me....oh god , don't all push eachother trying to get their first.'s not that great.( go on an empty stomach) lol.

Anyways, will try to get a pic of my ass up soon as I can. Maybe tonight if not one day this week.

At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 6:24:00 PM, Blogger Mama C said...

Hey Nikki -

Chocolate cake

Meatloaf and a baked potato

Macaroni and cheese

Take that, bee-atch!

At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 7:25:00 PM, Blogger Dirty Birdie said...

Okay so I'm looking at the picture and the only problem I see is the orange t-shirt. Girl, you are straight up trippin', you look good.

At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 7:53:00 PM, Anonymous mamatulip said...


And, um....I've seen way, way worse asses. Like in my mirror.

At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 8:17:00 PM, Blogger ~d said...

Ok, eff me. I am going to post the effing picture.
Do youthink maybe I can fuzz it a bit?

It is Tues. 7PM-give me until at least 9PM-then come tell me what you think-b/c I will remove that effer than I can introduce myself if I have to!!
And I agree tith Jenn-you so do NOT have an ass! Jesus! I have an effing ASS! You have a butt.
eff. I may have a coronary.

At Tuesday, August 15, 2006 9:03:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Nikki - Cheap crack? I'd like you to know that I only buy the designer crack - thank you very much, and when you have a muffin top (like me) it's not a bad thing to hallucinate.

Christina - I'm good at this part. LOL

Rainman - Thanks. I'm actually pretty motivated. I am really enjoying that the people who are participating have a greeaattt sense of humor - they can dish it out and take it. The humor is making this much easier for me.

Carm - stop talking about yourself like that.

Mama C - LOL

Dirty - Sweetie, those hormones have really got you under their control don't they?

Mama Tulip - I'll take your word for it, but I doubt it.

~d - girlfriend, we need to bond. You have GOT to calm down.LOL All that stress is going to kill you. And then who would I go read for my PG-13, R and XXX rated stories hummmm?

At Wednesday, August 16, 2006 8:11:00 PM, Blogger Mommy off the Record said...

Oh cool, I love seeing pics of my fave bloggers! By the way, WHAT ass? Your ass looks fine to me. (hmmm, that sounded kinda weird, but you know what I mean.) I hear men like a little bootie on a girl so don't lose TOO much.

At Wednesday, August 16, 2006 8:32:00 PM, Blogger 34quinn said...

HI, nikki,
I have gone and made an "ass" of myself on my blog.

At Thursday, August 17, 2006 4:09:00 AM, Blogger Dave Migman said...

The main thing is that you are doing it FOR YOURSELF, and not because 'Slim' is society's shallow fixation.

At Monday, August 21, 2006 10:39:00 AM, Blogger happykat said...

Thank you for the tips to my victory!


I'm gonna wiiiin. I'm gonna wiiiin.

At Monday, August 21, 2006 10:50:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

MOTR - thanks for the compliment of saying I'm one of your favs!!! I'm not looking to loose to much, just enough to where I don't have to hear my pants creak from trying to keep the flab in. LOL

Dave - definately doing it just for me. My energy level needs to go back up, and I'm out growing my clothes. LOL

HK - dream on baby, dream on.


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