Friday, March 23, 2007

Admit It

I entered the poem below in the AMERICAN MIDOL contest over at Cheaper Than Therapy. It was a competition of crappy poems, and while I agree that several people out there submitted crappier poems than mine - I still don't thing it was recognized as a truely crappy poem - and that's important to me.

Read it and weep - then tell me what you think.


Boy, does Post Partum Depression Suck
I wish I could get mad, but I have no truck
with the doctor, that cad
or the ambulance driver that was, to say it nicely, bad

But next time I'll know what to do
when the mailman tells me "The next Publishers Clearing House winner could be you."
I'll slam the door in his face
and put that sneaky sucker in his place

He didn't profess love undieing
nor did he ever stop trying
he looked at me with eyes so innocently
and I hadn't had any carnal attention recently

So I couldn't resist
and before I knew it I had been kissed
and it culminated in urgent lovin'
and putting a bun in the oven

Now what do I tell my husband true
this baby growing inside me belongs to you
never mind about your vascetomy
I know you've been meeting the preachers wife at the rectory.



Come on now, you know it's terrible. Fess up.

Labels:

22 Comments:

At Friday, March 23, 2007 10:55:00 AM, Blogger Iris said...

Um.......well....... I think it should have gotten an honorable mention.........*LOL*.....

So......bun in the oven??????

 
At Friday, March 23, 2007 11:29:00 AM, Blogger Sayre said...

That.was.hysterical! I don't what first place will be like, but you deserve at least second!

 
At Friday, March 23, 2007 11:29:00 AM, Blogger Sayre said...

Oh, and I'm guessing this was inspired by the treadmill repairman?

 
At Friday, March 23, 2007 11:35:00 AM, Blogger Dirty Birdie said...

"preachers wife at the rectory"

Shouldn't that be IN the rectory....giggle, giggle.

 
At Friday, March 23, 2007 3:37:00 PM, Anonymous Jim said...

You'll get no argument from me about its terribility.

 
At Saturday, March 24, 2007 8:10:00 AM, Blogger Me said...

AH...uhmm...oh my. oh my. Yes, Nikki,- that was terrible! :)

 
At Saturday, March 24, 2007 11:20:00 AM, Blogger carmachu said...

Its the most beautiful poem I ever read....

 
At Saturday, March 24, 2007 2:20:00 PM, Anonymous Annie Drogynous said...

Isn't this the one that made me want to scoop out my uterus with a spoon?! Maybe not. I do believe I judged it correctly. Crap-o, lol.

Happy now?!

 
At Sunday, March 25, 2007 9:19:00 AM, Blogger Pendullum said...

never mind about your vascetomy
I know you've been meeting the preachers wife at the rectory???

Nikki???
I am speechless...

never mind about your vascetomy
I know you've been meeting the preachers wife at the rectory
those lines???

never mind about your vascetomy
I know you've been meeting the preachers wife at the rectory
what really more is there to say???

 
At Sunday, March 25, 2007 7:09:00 PM, Blogger ablondeblogger said...

LOL! Tell her to give you a Starbucks card as a runner-up prize and tell her I was the one who told you to say it. She'll know what I mean. :)

 
At Monday, March 26, 2007 3:38:00 AM, Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Uh, Sweetie, you're in the top ten finalists.

You should just stop being modest and demand that these fine people go over there and vote for you so you can win!

Voting ends Wednesday. Pimp it, Girl!

Silly.

 
At Monday, March 26, 2007 5:40:00 AM, Blogger The Freelance Cynic said...

Quite stunning. You can slam the door in my face anyday

 
At Monday, March 26, 2007 9:59:00 AM, Anonymous nikki said...

close but my "Ode to a Suzie Q" is way better (even though I didn't enter it.)

I heard you calling me from your shelf
"My luscious chocolate and creamy filling you want for yourself"

I picked you up, I was drooling a bit.
But if I ate you, my ass in my chair would not fit.

I debated, my PMS cried "Oh please!"
"It will help your bitchiness ease!"

I placed you back, turned my head, I might have shed a tear.
It's your fat grams and calories I fear.

I hung my head and walked away in shame.
Today my bitchiness will reach new fame.

My husband will run for cover
and my son will not like his mother.

I bid the snack aisle a sad fairwell
For today a Suzie Q will not sell.

I spy a Peppermint Pattie. Do you think it will do?
I flipped it around and to my suprise, the fat and calories are few!

Hooray! Success I say!
My family need not be scared, for the PMS bitchies have gone away.
Thanks to a Peppermint Pattie that saved the day.

 
At Tuesday, March 27, 2007 1:20:00 AM, Blogger Cece said...

Can I get back to you on this? lol

 
At Tuesday, March 27, 2007 8:01:00 AM, Blogger Rainman said...

Dont give up your day job at the slaughter house.

 
At Tuesday, March 27, 2007 1:26:00 PM, Blogger kate said...

Its ummm terrible in a sorta likable kind of way! lmao I havent read any of the others so in my book yours sucked the best! *wink

cheers!
Kate

 
At Tuesday, March 27, 2007 2:11:00 PM, Blogger Kristin said...

Stick it on a Hallmark Card...

 
At Tuesday, March 27, 2007 4:57:00 PM, Blogger Superstar said...

OK I would PAY cash $$ to have students that could POSSIBLY turn in stuff THIS good!
Seriously!
LOL ;o)
Ode to midol...
LOL ;o)

 
At Wednesday, March 28, 2007 3:35:00 AM, Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Oh fer pete's sakes, Nikki, don't po-mouth yourself. Instead of responding to my comment another crapulous pome, tell everybody to come here and vote for you!

Wednesday at midnight is the deadline. Go vote for her! LOL

 
At Thursday, March 29, 2007 1:50:00 PM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

Put down the Pabst and joint.

 
At Thursday, March 29, 2007 5:26:00 PM, Anonymous Jeff said...

It is kind of a bad poem. But look on the bright side: you wanted it to be bad. Bad poems just happen to me automatically. That is why I never post them. ;)

 
At Monday, April 02, 2007 11:12:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

HEY!!!!!

I GOT HONORABLE MENTION.

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home