Thursday, April 06, 2006

The Worlds Smallest Violin - Just for Me

Hubby and I were talking last night and it got me thinking about the last year. Man, did it ever suck ass.

This time last year I was super pregnant. Not just pregnant - but super pregnant (sounds like a Super Hero doesn't it. My side kicks were Abstinence Man and Condom Boy - neither of them were the father). Both of my pregnancies were very painful, but when I was pregnant with C, I could barely walk. His head was wedged so firmly against my pelvis that it split all 5 joints in my pelvis! Did you know your pelvis has joints? I had no fucking clue until I started walking like the elephant man - with boobs.

"Oh yesh, yesh." says the doctor with his very Sean Connery voice, he even had the hair to match. "He's wedged in there pretty tight." No shit Doc. I'm glad you told me. I was afraid that he was going to fall out at any time. You have soothed me with your great bedside manner.

When he asked me if I wanted to be induced I was all for it. "Are you free today?" I asked. I was trying to give him a taste of my wit and beam my charming smile so he would like me and induce me right then and there in the OBGYN office. He didn't notice - either that or he didn't like my wit - or maybe I still had breakfast in my teeth - whatever, all I know is I had to wait to get the alien out.

C was finally born and everything went great for the first 2 hours - then they rushed him to the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care) where he spent the first 4 days of his life. They would hardly let me hold him. They finally let us take him home, but we had to have a heart and respirations monitor on him all the time. C's heart rate would drop and he would stop breathing - or vice versa - or one or the other, and then the monitor would scream like hell to tell me something was wrong. Where upon I would have to try like hell to not scream along with the monitor. All muscles would immediately tense up and I became the most alert mother fucker on the face of the earth.

C had surgery when he was 5 weeks old and has been fine on that front ever since. Thank God for that huge blessing. I'm now immune to adrenaline. You could push me off the Empire State Building and my only reaction would be "Wow, all this wind is messing up my hair."

After that, everything continued to suck ass in a big way for the rest of the year. L ended up having to be hospitalized for Viral Meningitis. This oh so conveniently coincided with C having dual ear infections - one of his ear drums having had ruptured from said infection. One day after she was discharged, I had to take Hubby to the hospital for the big VM as well. The hospital here had no beds because they were over come with a mini-epidemic of VM here in the Burg. They sent him home - home to live with my daughter who still looked like death, to a very ill and screaming baby, and not one of my friends would watch C. NOT ONE. They were scared he would carry the germ to their house and get their kids sick. I now understand what it must have been like for one of your kids to have small pox back in the day.

On the other side of this, it takes a lot more to stress me out these days.

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At Thursday, April 06, 2006 2:13:00 PM, Blogger Attila The Mom said...

"Did you know your pelvis has joints?"

I didn't until they were all grinding together. aiiigghhh! Never gonna forget THAT feeling!

Sorry your year was so crappy.

But you write about it so well that I can't help laughing my a$$ off about it. ;-)

At Thursday, April 06, 2006 2:53:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Thank you, Thank you. And for my next trick...

At Thursday, April 06, 2006 3:05:00 PM, Blogger Misha said...


I'm glad everyone is better! Nothing makes you feel so helpless as a sick child.

At Thursday, April 06, 2006 3:30:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Me to! and yes, the helplessness is almost the worst thing. You are so right.

At Thursday, April 06, 2006 7:33:00 PM, Blogger Charlie said...

And I cry when I have a paper cut. "Quick, call 9-1-1," and all that.

A man who has never had children does not appreciate what a mother goes through until he reads someone like you.

Wonderful essay.

At Friday, April 07, 2006 1:53:00 AM, Blogger Rhonda said...

I don't know whether to laugh or cry. You do a spectacular job making even the most serious situations a giggle fest.

What I am sure about is my commisery with your pelvis. Been there, done that, ouch.


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