The Name Game

UH UM!

Okay, we need to have a little talk.

We need to talk about what you are naming your kids. I'll give you some examples.

Laniqua Junior ShaRhonda Chaquita Tequilla Love America

Yes, you know who you are. Shame on you for embarrassing your children this way.
What in the hell are you doing?

Last I checked Laniqua isn't a name, it's not even a word. Why didn't you just name her "I can't think of shit to name her".

I can see Junior as a nickname - but Junior is not meant to come BEFORE the last name. I hope we've gotten that all cleared up.

ShaRhonda? What? Did you hear someone with a hairlisp say the name Rhonda and it sound real good to ya?

Chaquita. What in the hell would you want to name her that when all it's going to do is remind you what you threw up while you were pregnant.You know your kid is going to get picked on mercilessly being named after a banana. Can't you just hear it being called down the halls at school "HEY! BANANA GIRL! I'VE GOT A BANANA FOR YA!"

Tequilla. I don't want to know what you were drinking when she was conceived. I don't want to know any thing about it - naming her Tequilla is TMI. Why don't you just name her "Which one is my baby daddy?"

Love. How dumb are you? You know this kid got the shit kicked out of her in grade school and was tortured by the bullies. "I would Love for you to come over here and kiss my ass" I'm sure was a popular response.

America. I can just see a group of doctors and archaeologists in discussion. Archaeoligist - "South and Central America are so unspoiled and have so many hidden treasures." Doctor - "What the hell are you talking about? She has 5 kids already! There's nothing unspoiled about her. Any hidden treasures she had were found a long time ago." Archaeoligist - "Huh?"

I could go on and on.