Tuesday, May 30, 2006

They Just Had To Go And Do It

I find this to be absolutely disgusting - an abomination in the land of toys. Aren't the rubber and plastic ones bad enough? Do we have to take this one more step? Why couldn't they have just come up with another really cool remote control car?

Whoever came up the this concept should be shot - preferably by me.

Jim, I'm telling you right now that if you buy this thing, it better not come crawling into my office. I will squish the mechanical terror with a heavy book or two from my credenza.

I will then retaliate by letting you enjoy this. Yes, I am threatening you on a public forum.

Don't even think of telling Charles about it. I will monitor all future conversations between the two of you.

UGH! Nasty, nasty things. I firmly believe that anything with more than four legs should be killed and that death should be accompanied by a nice crunching sound.

I hate, HATE spiders. I woke up the other night with one crawling up my arm. Charles thought there was an ax murderer in the house with all the screaming I did. I woke up the baby and everything. Fuckin ORKIN man had better get his ass back out to my house and spray PRONTO or I will rip off his head and use his skull as a bowl. I will eat his liver if I see another spider in my house! GAH! I can't help it if they freak me out. They are indescribablely gross.

It bad enough the nasty little boogers have way to many legs and far to many eye balls, BUT THEN THEY HAVE THE NERVE TO GROW HAIR!!!!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

I came across one really nasty one a couple of weeks ago while cutting the grass. It was brown and it looked like it had a really bad case of acne. I put it out of it's misery and then realized that it didn't have acne. It had a whole shit load of baby spiders on it's back. When I squished it, the little boogers flew off in every direction. (I put some force into that stomp I can tell you) A couple of them crawled across my shoe and started going up my leg. I was screaming like a mad woman. My dog started barking at me and chasing me while I was running around doing the freak out dance and slapping at my leg.

Yeah, I'm a big sissy when it comes to spiders. I admit it. I don't care. They should all die, and it's my mission to make sure that they do.

Who's with me?

Labels:

28 Comments:

At Wednesday, May 31, 2006 2:15:00 AM, Blogger kim said...

Im with ya girly!! I can see my future Halloween with my boys already...thanks for the heads up lol
I saw your comment on my tester post on my new page ...after i deleted the post lol Thanks for stopping by ... hopefully you'll be back *huggers*

 
At Wednesday, May 31, 2006 7:30:00 AM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

Oh I am so with you. After the 'brown recluse spider' stories (don't look them up or the photos - you will have nightmares) I kill everything crawly.
And men, that shit ain't funny putting one on our shoulder or back. Protect your testes if you think it is. I'm just saying.

 
At Wednesday, May 31, 2006 7:49:00 AM, Blogger Rainman said...

I can see one of those in my future. That thing is awsome!

We had a Huge part shipped up from Texas to Michigan last summer in a crate. When the crews were taking it off the crate to install it, they found a Black Widow Spider with a nest. Not good!

 
At Wednesday, May 31, 2006 7:59:00 AM, Blogger Jim said...

Gosh, I would never have even thought of doing something like that...mainly because I didn't know about this cool little 8 legged muppet marauder...thanks for the 411.

Hmmmmm!

 
At Wednesday, May 31, 2006 2:18:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Kim - If you didn't hate Halloween before, you will if they get one of these things.

Christina - Brown Recluse spiders. I know all about them. Don't have them. We do have black widows though. ANYTHING that crawls at my house gets squished.

Rainman - I'm just grateful you don't live close to me. Play with it all you want. Ick.

Cappy - must I remind you of the Liquid Ass threat?

 
At Wednesday, May 31, 2006 3:16:00 PM, Blogger Misha said...

Spiders eat bad bugs, but since you kill all of them, I guess it doesn't really matter, now does it?

You're a wuss. ;)

 
At Wednesday, May 31, 2006 4:05:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Misha - The biggest wuss ever. I'm not ashamed and only slightly embarassed.

FIX MY DINNER!

 
At Wednesday, May 31, 2006 4:19:00 PM, Anonymous michele said...

KILL. THEM. ALL.

 
At Wednesday, May 31, 2006 5:10:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Michele - I'm trying, really, really hard to do that. :)

 
At Wednesday, May 31, 2006 6:28:00 PM, Blogger Kevin Charnas said...

Well first of all, I would've paid money to see you in the front yard. By the sounds of it, I would have had to bring a change of underwear from pissing myself. I think that your dog was busy yelling, "Asshole! Asshole! Asshole asshole asshole!" in dog language.
Second of all...poor spiders. they're just little things. Did I tell you that I got one in my mouth one time while riding an elephant at night? Seriously.

 
At Wednesday, May 31, 2006 6:33:00 PM, Blogger jackt said...

Hahah for some reason today seems to be bug day in the Blogosphere. I think this is the third post I've read about hating some bug or other.

 
At Wednesday, May 31, 2006 8:26:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Kevin - Yes, you would have needed a clean pair of underwear. I sure did. And I distinctly heard my dog say DUMBASS DUMBASS DUMBASS not ASSHOLE ASSHOLE ASSHOLE. LOL

Secondly, the whole spider in the mouth thing. Not ew, but super EW. You have got to blog about that. I want to hear the whole terrifing and I sure super hilarious story.

Jackt - Welcome! It's pretty sad that I hate bugs as much as I do, concidering I live so far out in the country running water is a new phenomenon. I just have a special hatred for spiders. Ick.

 
At Thursday, June 01, 2006 3:41:00 AM, Blogger St Jude said...

Did you know that the average house has a resident population of over 7,000 spiders. Fortunately most of them never see the light of day.

Happy stomping!!

 
At Thursday, June 01, 2006 7:44:00 AM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

st. jude just scared the crap out of me. TYVM. ~shivering~

 
At Thursday, June 01, 2006 9:34:00 AM, Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Ha! I posted this on Ruth Dynamite's comments a few weeks or so back.

I read the Snapple "facts" on the caps all the time.

One of them says that people ingest an average of 8 spiders in their sleep in a lifetime.

How's that for gross!

 
At Thursday, June 01, 2006 9:40:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

St Jude - that was just mean. LOL

Christina - I've definately got the hebee gebees now. I'll join in the shivers.

Attila - ick. That's one midnight snack I could do without.

 
At Thursday, June 01, 2006 10:43:00 AM, Blogger Charlie said...

We have the REAL tarantulas here. The females are the huge hairy ones, very similar to my Aunt Rita. The males are much smaller and hairless, very similar to me.

 
At Thursday, June 01, 2006 11:14:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Admiral - my mother has been trying to get me to fly out to NM for a while now. It a definate no now. Thanks for the heads up.

 
At Thursday, June 01, 2006 11:41:00 AM, Blogger Rainman said...

Why is it that spiders make people so crazy? My wife hates Spiders also but what she really hates are Bats. We live in BF Egypt and get one or two in the house every year. You would think that we had a serial killer in the house she screams so load when she see's one. Its actually quite funny to watch her scramble on her hands and knee's for the nearest room to hide in while I shoosh it outside.

 
At Thursday, June 01, 2006 12:30:00 PM, Blogger Dirk the Feeble said...

The big question here is what were you looking for on the internet when you stumbled upon "Liquid Ass"?

 
At Thursday, June 01, 2006 2:32:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Rain Man - I've had bats in my house when I was a kid. I can't say I was crazy about it either.

Dirk - Welcome. I don't remember who's blog I was reading, but they had a link to it. I think it's funny as hell and I'm gonna have to buy some.

 
At Thursday, June 01, 2006 3:50:00 PM, Blogger mama_tulip said...

Yeah, I hate spiders too, and centipedes that try to take showers with me.

 
At Thursday, June 01, 2006 5:09:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Mama - At least he didn't ask you to bend over and grab the soap ;D

 
At Thursday, June 01, 2006 9:22:00 PM, Blogger carmachu said...

You sound like my wife. One spider and she comes running out for me to kill it.....

I showed here that toy and I was threatened 6 ways to sunday if I even THOUGHT about getting it.

 
At Thursday, June 01, 2006 10:51:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

carmachu - I threatened hubby as well, so you're not alone. All he did was laugh evilly and waggle his eyebrows.

I'm kickin some ass if I find that thing in my house. No question. He will go through the longest dry spell ever, then we'll see who laughs evilly and waggles eyebrows.

HE HE never forget, as women, we ultimately have the upper hand - even though it is below the waist.

 
At Friday, June 02, 2006 8:03:00 AM, Blogger carmachu said...

yes, but remember, if you withhold it too long, well stop caring, we do have hands....

 
At Friday, June 02, 2006 11:47:00 AM, Blogger Sven said...

That is oustanding! I can't wait to get one for my son's birthday in August.

I can see it now.

Me: "Hey Boo, I got you a little something for your birthday."

Him: "What is it Dad?"

Me: "It's right there, crawling up your leg!"

Thank goodness we have a Target store within a mile of home.

 
At Friday, June 02, 2006 11:48:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Sven - It a terrible shame you feel like you need to torture your kids that way. LOL

 

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