It Happens To The Best Of Us
Let me set the scene for you.
It was HELL FIRE Hot outside, and so humid you immediately became sticky when you stuck your head out the door. One 8 year old about to bounce out of her skin to go to a BBQ, a 1 year old that is not happy unless you are holding him or playing with him - but preferably playing with him while you are holding him, I'm trying to do house work, dog following me around the house and tripping me up when I turn around, cats hissing at dog following me around from their lofts on the window sills.
I'm trying to move from one room to the other with a strange squirmy growth on my leg - MY SON as he clings and whines and headbangs my kneecap. I'm trying to loose myself in the 80's music I've got on, but keep hearing something fly by my ear - MY DAUGHTER as she runs from room to room talking faster than the speed of light about what she's going to do, what she should wear and blah blah blah
AND I HAVEN'T HAD A CIGARETTE FOR 3 HOURS.
Can you say grumpy? How bout bitchy? How bout foul, evil, loathsome or crabby.
Fast forward 2 hours later, we're in the car, baby screaming in back seat, daughter bemoaning the fact that I wouldn't put make-up on her so she could dress up for the BBQ, how she wanted a red ponytail holder and not the white one...
BE QUIET! EVERYBODY JUST BE QUIET! MOMMY NEEDS A CIGARETTE! MOMMY NEEDS A CIGARETTE RIGHT NOW! CHILL OUT! JUST CHILL OUT! CHILL OUT UNITL I'VE HAD MY CIGARETTE.
Instantaneous quiet.
A few miles down the road after mommy has chain smoked 3 cigarettes and is working on her fourth, a commercial comes on the radio where a bunch of little kids saying "I want my mommy! I want my mommy!"
Lauren promptly responded "You can have mine."
It was HELL FIRE Hot outside, and so humid you immediately became sticky when you stuck your head out the door. One 8 year old about to bounce out of her skin to go to a BBQ, a 1 year old that is not happy unless you are holding him or playing with him - but preferably playing with him while you are holding him, I'm trying to do house work, dog following me around the house and tripping me up when I turn around, cats hissing at dog following me around from their lofts on the window sills.
I'm trying to move from one room to the other with a strange squirmy growth on my leg - MY SON as he clings and whines and headbangs my kneecap. I'm trying to loose myself in the 80's music I've got on, but keep hearing something fly by my ear - MY DAUGHTER as she runs from room to room talking faster than the speed of light about what she's going to do, what she should wear and blah blah blah
AND I HAVEN'T HAD A CIGARETTE FOR 3 HOURS.
Can you say grumpy? How bout bitchy? How bout foul, evil, loathsome or crabby.
Fast forward 2 hours later, we're in the car, baby screaming in back seat, daughter bemoaning the fact that I wouldn't put make-up on her so she could dress up for the BBQ, how she wanted a red ponytail holder and not the white one...
BE QUIET! EVERYBODY JUST BE QUIET! MOMMY NEEDS A CIGARETTE! MOMMY NEEDS A CIGARETTE RIGHT NOW! CHILL OUT! JUST CHILL OUT! CHILL OUT UNITL I'VE HAD MY CIGARETTE.
Instantaneous quiet.
A few miles down the road after mommy has chain smoked 3 cigarettes and is working on her fourth, a commercial comes on the radio where a bunch of little kids saying "I want my mommy! I want my mommy!"
Lauren promptly responded "You can have mine."
**********************************
Hey Puss! I know you read me, Her Majesty told me. Wanted to tell you Hi and I love you.
Labels: Connor, Lauren, That's some funny shit
Nikki Stank Up The Room @ 11:11 PM
23 Brown Nosers
23 Comments:
Lauren promptly responded "You can have mine."
Hmm, would it be cliche to say something like "the apple doesn't fall from from the tree?" Okay, yeah, it would. But I said it anyway.
A sarcastic 8-year-old. You are in trouuuu-ble with that kiddo. She sounds absolutely wonderful.
Rhonda - LOL. I know. She's just like her mother. (PLEASE SHOOT ME NOW)
teehee. once when i was a nanny i had to send the kids to their room as protection from me. they left pretty quick. as for your kid, i don't think she'll suffer any long-term damage. i didn't.
AHhahahahaha, thats funny, especially teh punch line of "you can have mine"
Now maybe you should give them up so you can stop being a grump?
That is just CLASSIC!
Nikki you girl are going to have your hands full when that girl is a teenager. I feel for you really I do. I'll start praying for you now.
Kat - I've done the same thing, getting my kids out of the room if I just get mad, but I've never had one of them offer to give me away before. LOL
Carm - Nu uh. Don't wanna. I want to be personally responsible for ruining the ozone layer. Don't steal the dream, man!
Oh the joys - she's a card let me tell you. Are you in the market for a short, sarcastic blond child?
Attila - I know where you blog. You can't hide. LOL (you're right.)
Gee-sus, the Great One upstaged by a . . . child. No pretender to the throne, this one: She's the real deal.
The Great Bite My Ass Dynasty
Scary, aren't it.
AHHH!!! Too damn funny! Hello, daughter.
oh man, does your life sound a lot like mine!!! Except I have a sarcastic 11 yr. old stepson and a clingy 2 yr. old that won't even let me go to the bathroom by myself. I love your daughters "You can have mine" line. Classic.
hey, she loves you so much she's willing to set you free. this is a good thing, freebird.
Admiral - be afraid, be very afraid.
Kristin - your next. You are so going to be a victim, just like me. LOL
Nikki M. - Welcome! We are living a strange parallel.
kat - (Snicker) yeah, right. I'm feeling all the love.
Damn, I've been trying to give my mother away for years! Nope, didn't work. Should I try ebay?
MN flygirl - you can try, but I don't know what kinda bid you're going to get. I mean, if you've been trying to GIVE her away, Ebay is not the answer for you. I would like to suggest the local high end restaruant. They might let her wash dishes so you and your man can have a nice night out on the town. LOL
Christina - Sign me up girlfriend. If they charge an admission fee, ask them if they take credit, if they do, tell them people give me some credit but I just don't have any money.
I think there have been times when my children have wanted to give me away too. Right now I have a husband I'd like to offload.
BAWAAAHHHHHHH OMG you are killing me.
I watch my sisters girls and I LOVE nap time. So love the nap time. ;o)
You are giving her skills to deal w/ the crap the world gives out. Just remind her to use her "superpower" of sarcasim toward the apporiate people. >;o)
Biting the azz that feeds you is not a good thing! ;o)
Les - believe me when I say - I understand, we all want to throw ours over board from time to time.
Superstar - HA HA HA Naptime is GOOOODDD. She's a bit old for that now. She stopped taking naps when she was 2. I haven't had any peace since. LOL
OHMYGOD, you are me. Honestly. Well, except my nerve-wrackers are 15 (yrs) and 2 (yrs). Holy crap I want to be reading this blog when your angel turns 15, oh yes. I promise I'll be laughing with you and not at you.
Great post.
Becka - Sorry! I just realized I missed you! - Prayers accepted, lithum prefered. I'll take either one. LOL
Kevin - Kisses
Gratis - Welcome! I'm you? Please tell me it's been an easy life. Please, Please. . .lie to me if you have to. LOL . . . and I have this funny feeling that you'll be laughing at me. You know you will. LOL
She is your Minnie-Me, or Minnie-You, you know. I've been telling you for years I'll take her off your hands,gladly.
Congratulations, it sounds as if you have reached the "makeup stage". Life gets even more interesting for you from here on out.
Or better yet, if "The Beautiful Genius" wants to give you away, I'll be glad to take you in instead. But lets get you some Zyban and Nicorette and Valium and maybe one of those little jackets that help you give yourself little hugs. {{*}}
Mommy Dearest - little hugs huh. LMAO! The little jacket wouldn't by any chance have extra long sleeves with lots of buckles on it would it? I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pass. All those buckles just aren't my style and white isn't my color. I will however, take the valium.
You can't have The Shrimp. Sad as it is, she's actually the good one. Please take the one that headbangs my kneecaps. LOL
LOVE YOU!
BUSTED out laughing over here. Geeez.
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