Thursday, July 06, 2006

It Happens To The Best Of Us

Let me set the scene for you.

It was HELL FIRE Hot outside, and so humid you immediately became sticky when you stuck your head out the door. One 8 year old about to bounce out of her skin to go to a BBQ, a 1 year old that is not happy unless you are holding him or playing with him - but preferably playing with him while you are holding him, I'm trying to do house work, dog following me around the house and tripping me up when I turn around, cats hissing at dog following me around from their lofts on the window sills.

I'm trying to move from one room to the other with a strange squirmy growth on my leg - MY SON as he clings and whines and headbangs my kneecap. I'm trying to loose myself in the 80's music I've got on, but keep hearing something fly by my ear - MY DAUGHTER as she runs from room to room talking faster than the speed of light about what she's going to do, what she should wear and blah blah blah
AND I HAVEN'T HAD A CIGARETTE FOR 3 HOURS.

Can you say grumpy? How bout bitchy? How bout foul, evil, loathsome or crabby.

Fast forward 2 hours later, we're in the car, baby screaming in back seat, daughter bemoaning the fact that I wouldn't put make-up on her so she could dress up for the BBQ, how she wanted a red ponytail holder and not the white one...

BE QUIET! EVERYBODY JUST BE QUIET! MOMMY NEEDS A CIGARETTE! MOMMY NEEDS A CIGARETTE RIGHT NOW! CHILL OUT! JUST CHILL OUT! CHILL OUT UNITL I'VE HAD MY CIGARETTE.

Instantaneous quiet.

A few miles down the road after mommy has chain smoked 3 cigarettes and is working on her fourth, a commercial comes on the radio where a bunch of little kids saying "I want my mommy! I want my mommy!"

Lauren promptly responded "You can have mine."
**********************************
Hey Puss! I know you read me, Her Majesty told me. Wanted to tell you Hi and I love you.

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26 Comments:

At Friday, July 07, 2006 12:27:00 AM, Blogger Rhonda said...


Lauren promptly responded "You can have mine."


Hmm, would it be cliche to say something like "the apple doesn't fall from from the tree?" Okay, yeah, it would. But I said it anyway.

A sarcastic 8-year-old. You are in trouuuu-ble with that kiddo. She sounds absolutely wonderful.

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 1:01:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Rhonda - LOL. I know. She's just like her mother. (PLEASE SHOOT ME NOW)

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 2:09:00 AM, Blogger kat said...

teehee. once when i was a nanny i had to send the kids to their room as protection from me. they left pretty quick. as for your kid, i don't think she'll suffer any long-term damage. i didn't.

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 7:56:00 AM, Blogger carmachu said...

AHhahahahaha, thats funny, especially teh punch line of "you can have mine"

Now maybe you should give them up so you can stop being a grump?

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 8:04:00 AM, Blogger Oh, The Joys said...

That is just CLASSIC!

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 9:31:00 AM, Blogger Dirty Birdie said...

Nikki you girl are going to have your hands full when that girl is a teenager. I feel for you really I do. I'll start praying for you now.

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 9:51:00 AM, Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Bahahaha! Sounds just like her mother!

<---ducking and running like hell.

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 10:23:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Kat - I've done the same thing, getting my kids out of the room if I just get mad, but I've never had one of them offer to give me away before. LOL

Carm - Nu uh. Don't wanna. I want to be personally responsible for ruining the ozone layer. Don't steal the dream, man!

Oh the joys - she's a card let me tell you. Are you in the market for a short, sarcastic blond child?

Attila - I know where you blog. You can't hide. LOL (you're right.)

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 11:35:00 AM, Blogger Charlie said...

Gee-sus, the Great One upstaged by a . . . child. No pretender to the throne, this one: She's the real deal.

The Great Bite My Ass Dynasty

Scary, aren't it.

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 12:21:00 PM, Blogger Kristin said...

AHHH!!! Too damn funny! Hello, daughter.

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 12:25:00 PM, Anonymous Nikki M. said...

oh man, does your life sound a lot like mine!!! Except I have a sarcastic 11 yr. old stepson and a clingy 2 yr. old that won't even let me go to the bathroom by myself. I love your daughters "You can have mine" line. Classic.

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 1:30:00 PM, Blogger kat said...

hey, she loves you so much she's willing to set you free. this is a good thing, freebird.

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 1:38:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Admiral - be afraid, be very afraid.

Kristin - your next. You are so going to be a victim, just like me. LOL

Nikki M. - Welcome! We are living a strange parallel.

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 1:38:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

kat - (Snicker) yeah, right. I'm feeling all the love.

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 1:39:00 PM, Blogger Victoria said...

Damn, I've been trying to give my mother away for years! Nope, didn't work. Should I try ebay?

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 2:29:00 PM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

OMG I need a smoke today and I quit five years ago.

So mean.

I love your life btw. We could be the white trash, kids willneed therapy later but we don't care right now moms of the trailer park. Ya in?

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 3:25:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

MN flygirl - you can try, but I don't know what kinda bid you're going to get. I mean, if you've been trying to GIVE her away, Ebay is not the answer for you. I would like to suggest the local high end restaruant. They might let her wash dishes so you and your man can have a nice night out on the town. LOL

Christina - Sign me up girlfriend. If they charge an admission fee, ask them if they take credit, if they do, tell them people give me some credit but I just don't have any money.

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 3:28:00 PM, Blogger Farm Girl said...

I think there have been times when my children have wanted to give me away too. Right now I have a husband I'd like to offload.

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 4:18:00 PM, Blogger Superstar said...

BAWAAAHHHHHHH OMG you are killing me.
I watch my sisters girls and I LOVE nap time. So love the nap time. ;o)

You are giving her skills to deal w/ the crap the world gives out. Just remind her to use her "superpower" of sarcasim toward the apporiate people. >;o)

Biting the azz that feeds you is not a good thing! ;o)

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 4:25:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Les - believe me when I say - I understand, we all want to throw ours over board from time to time.

Superstar - HA HA HA Naptime is GOOOODDD. She's a bit old for that now. She stopped taking naps when she was 2. I haven't had any peace since. LOL

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 4:51:00 PM, Blogger Kevin Charnas said...

That. Is. Fucking. AWESOME!!! I LOVE IT! HA!

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 5:56:00 PM, Anonymous Gratis said...

OHMYGOD, you are me. Honestly. Well, except my nerve-wrackers are 15 (yrs) and 2 (yrs). Holy crap I want to be reading this blog when your angel turns 15, oh yes. I promise I'll be laughing with you and not at you.

Great post.

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 6:08:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Becka - Sorry! I just realized I missed you! - Prayers accepted, lithum prefered. I'll take either one. LOL

Kevin - Kisses

Gratis - Welcome! I'm you? Please tell me it's been an easy life. Please, Please. . .lie to me if you have to. LOL . . . and I have this funny feeling that you'll be laughing at me. You know you will. LOL

 
At Friday, July 07, 2006 9:16:00 PM, Anonymous mommie dearest said...

She is your Minnie-Me, or Minnie-You, you know. I've been telling you for years I'll take her off your hands,gladly.
Congratulations, it sounds as if you have reached the "makeup stage". Life gets even more interesting for you from here on out.

Or better yet, if "The Beautiful Genius" wants to give you away, I'll be glad to take you in instead. But lets get you some Zyban and Nicorette and Valium and maybe one of those little jackets that help you give yourself little hugs. {{*}}

 
At Saturday, July 08, 2006 12:45:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Mommy Dearest - little hugs huh. LMAO! The little jacket wouldn't by any chance have extra long sleeves with lots of buckles on it would it? I'm afraid I'm gonna have to pass. All those buckles just aren't my style and white isn't my color. I will however, take the valium.

You can't have The Shrimp. Sad as it is, she's actually the good one. Please take the one that headbangs my kneecaps. LOL

LOVE YOU!

 
At Tuesday, July 11, 2006 2:50:00 PM, Blogger Mel said...

BUSTED out laughing over here. Geeez.

 

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