Ode to Red Clay
oh how you suck
You serve no purpose
other than to cover up huge rocks
Hiding in my yard
oh how you suck
you are naught but acres full
of potential stains of clothing
bleach can't drive you away
oh how you suck
nothing grows in you
except sticker briars and razor weed
and the occasional nasty blackberry bush
oh how you suck
you hate pretty green grass
all I have to say to you
is that you can bite my ass
+++++++++++++++++++++++++
Okay, I know the Ode sucks, but red clay sucks more. What sucks most is the great BIG red clay stain on my white capris.
Stupid slippery steps....
Stupid red clay.
Labels: That's some funny shit, things that should scare you
Nikki Stank Up The Room @ 10:34 AM
23 Brown Nosers
23 Comments:
LOL - and yet thousands of people flock to Sedona every year to see the pretty red clay. If they only knew how truely hateful the pretty red clay truly is. You should open a gift shop and have people pay to check out your red clay.
are you sure it was red? and are you sure that you maybe didn't poo-poo a little bit in those capri's?
poor red clay getting a bad rap for your clumsy ass. :)
Becka - Ooooooo. That's a good idea. HELLO EBAY!
Kevin - poo-poo? ((snicker)) No, I didn't poo-poo. I'm sure I didn't because my underwear remained white. LOL But thanks for checkin. LOL
Queen of clean will give you the remedy to Red clay. ;ol)
http://www.queenofclean.com/tips/emergency.html
I rather like the red clay. Not on my fav White capri pants!!!
Kevin {shaking head} POO poo??? LOL ;o)
Red clay sucks, rock suck. I guess that is just my attitude right now. I hope you get the pants clean.
are you sure that you maybe didn't poo-poo a little bit in those capri's?
I think Kevin might be right. Not only do you have Clumsy Oaf Disorder, but you are also a BLAMING COD'er.
ok first things first...
you have a new heading !!! i love that !! and its way cute ..who helped ya huh who ?
and red clay sucks ...like red koolaid and red nail polish and cherry juice and ummm other red stuff :)
Ya know in Hawaii they are making a shit load off those "Red Dirt Shirts." Seriously...this could be a major marketing strategy.
I assume this is why you don't play tennis at the French Open.
LMAO! Except of course, for your capris, for your capri pants, I take a moment of hateful red clay silence.
Amen, Cuz! The kids have been in the mountains with mom all week - everything I get back will look like your white pants. Sucks - can't get the shit out!!
Superstar - I've already told you that you're a goddess - I'm telling ya again - you're a goddess. THANK YOU!
Les - Thanks, me too.
Admiral - I'm sorry, I can't remember what COD is since I suffer from CRS - Can't remember shit.
Kim - the heading. I was sitting here bemoaning my computer idiocy, when Kat emailed me wanting to know if I wanted any help with it. I had posted a request a few entries ago and she replied. I love it. She's also funny as hell. Go visit her if you haven't already. An Allegorical Life, I believe it is. You and I, we have very similar humor, I know you'll enjoy her wit just as much as I do. You think I'm funny? I got nothing on this lady. LOL
Becka - You have got to be kidding me. How would I sell this stuff? How would I package it?
"GRADE A GEN-U-WINE RED NECK DIRT FOR SALE RIGHT HERE LADIES AND GENTLEMENS. THIS HERE DIRT IS GAR - UN-TEED TO HAVE BEEN SPIT ON WITH TO'BACKY JUICE AT LEAST 3 TIMES BY MY UNCLE LESTER. THE LITTLE JELLY JARS ARE 3 FOR 1 OR 2 FOR 5, THE BIG MASON JARS ARE 1 FOR 5 OR 2 FOR 9.50"
You know, I can see taking advantage of free trade, but that might be going a little to far. LOL
Steve - I don't play tennis. If I want to watch someone run around, looking hot and sweaty and trying to keep it together, I'll make a tape of myself going thru my day.
Kristen - thank you (wipes tear from eye)
Anon - Welcome! Just throw it all in a big tub of bleach and hope for the best. I've done it.
Sometimes, it's just so sad when good clothes die.
oh, god, i have to be funny now. crap. i thought you were funnier. i'll take the complement, though.
Get some Fels Naptha soap. It works wonders and will take that red clay right out of your pants.
I learned this during baseball season, which we play down here on....you guessed it...red clay. ;) Fels Naptha will make it all better, even the ground in stuff. It's about $1.25 down here.
Kat - the compliment was well deserved. You don't have to be funny. Just ask them to be your Valentine. LOL
Trouble - Welcome! Thanks for the tip! I'm gonna have everything on God's green earth on these dag on things trying to get this stain out. I LOVE THESE PANTS! (how "woman" is that?)
Will never look at clay the same ....
You have brought it to a new light...
A New hue for 2006!
A growing expereince for us all!!!!
Well I posted a comment yesterday but blogger was being an assmunch again.
What I want to know is did you look around after you wiped out to see if anyone saw you fall? How many expletives did you scream after you saw your red ass (pun intended)?
Dam and I missed seeing it!
Pendullum - that's what I want to do with this blog, that is the mission "Enlighten others on red clay suckiness"
Mission accomplished
Rain Man - no, no one saw, my house is surrounded by dense trees. Did I cuss? HELL NO! You know I don't like that kind of language. ((snicker))
Nice.
Now could you pen one for mosquitoes?
Sven - good to see you! Just for you I'll write a little something (smarty pants)
Ode to Mosquitoes
Oh how you suck
Please stop
What'd you think?
Well Nikki - what they do is they use the red clay to die the shirts and then sell these Red Dirt Shirts for like $40 each. Can you believe that shit?
Becka - okay, so I feel dumb now. I like the new pic btw.
You know, you remind me so much of my sister, I cannot even tell you! Your Ode to Red Clay just about made me piss myself. I'm going to email her a link to your blog.
This is officially my favorite blog.
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