Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Ode to Red Clay


oh how you suck

You serve no purpose
other than to cover up huge rocks
Hiding in my yard

oh how you suck

you are naught but acres full
of potential stains of clothing
bleach can't drive you away

oh how you suck

nothing grows in you
except sticker briars and razor weed
and the occasional nasty blackberry bush

oh how you suck

you hate pretty green grass
all I have to say to you
is that you can bite my ass




+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Okay, I know the Ode sucks, but red clay sucks more. What sucks most is the great BIG red clay stain on my white capris.

Stupid slippery steps....

Stupid red clay.

Labels: ,

23 Comments:

At Wednesday, July 05, 2006 12:02:00 PM, Blogger Dirty Birdie said...

LOL - and yet thousands of people flock to Sedona every year to see the pretty red clay. If they only knew how truely hateful the pretty red clay truly is. You should open a gift shop and have people pay to check out your red clay.

 
At Wednesday, July 05, 2006 1:33:00 PM, Blogger Kevin Charnas said...

are you sure it was red? and are you sure that you maybe didn't poo-poo a little bit in those capri's?

poor red clay getting a bad rap for your clumsy ass. :)

 
At Wednesday, July 05, 2006 3:05:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Becka - Ooooooo. That's a good idea. HELLO EBAY!

Kevin - poo-poo? ((snicker)) No, I didn't poo-poo. I'm sure I didn't because my underwear remained white. LOL But thanks for checkin. LOL

 
At Wednesday, July 05, 2006 3:24:00 PM, Blogger Superstar said...

Queen of clean will give you the remedy to Red clay. ;ol)
http://www.queenofclean.com/tips/emergency.html

I rather like the red clay. Not on my fav White capri pants!!!

Kevin {shaking head} POO poo??? LOL ;o)

 
At Wednesday, July 05, 2006 3:46:00 PM, Blogger Farm Girl said...

Red clay sucks, rock suck. I guess that is just my attitude right now. I hope you get the pants clean.

 
At Wednesday, July 05, 2006 4:39:00 PM, Blogger Charlie said...

are you sure that you maybe didn't poo-poo a little bit in those capri's?

I think Kevin might be right. Not only do you have Clumsy Oaf Disorder, but you are also a BLAMING COD'er.

 
At Wednesday, July 05, 2006 5:05:00 PM, Blogger kim said...

ok first things first...
you have a new heading !!! i love that !! and its way cute ..who helped ya huh who ?

and red clay sucks ...like red koolaid and red nail polish and cherry juice and ummm other red stuff :)

 
At Wednesday, July 05, 2006 5:35:00 PM, Blogger Dirty Birdie said...

Ya know in Hawaii they are making a shit load off those "Red Dirt Shirts." Seriously...this could be a major marketing strategy.

 
At Wednesday, July 05, 2006 5:58:00 PM, Blogger Rev. Smokin Steve said...

I assume this is why you don't play tennis at the French Open.

 
At Wednesday, July 05, 2006 6:43:00 PM, Blogger Kristin said...

LMAO! Except of course, for your capris, for your capri pants, I take a moment of hateful red clay silence.

 
At Wednesday, July 05, 2006 7:33:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amen, Cuz! The kids have been in the mountains with mom all week - everything I get back will look like your white pants. Sucks - can't get the shit out!!

 
At Wednesday, July 05, 2006 8:16:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Superstar - I've already told you that you're a goddess - I'm telling ya again - you're a goddess. THANK YOU!

Les - Thanks, me too.

Admiral - I'm sorry, I can't remember what COD is since I suffer from CRS - Can't remember shit.


Kim - the heading. I was sitting here bemoaning my computer idiocy, when Kat emailed me wanting to know if I wanted any help with it. I had posted a request a few entries ago and she replied. I love it. She's also funny as hell. Go visit her if you haven't already. An Allegorical Life, I believe it is. You and I, we have very similar humor, I know you'll enjoy her wit just as much as I do. You think I'm funny? I got nothing on this lady. LOL

Becka - You have got to be kidding me. How would I sell this stuff? How would I package it?

"GRADE A GEN-U-WINE RED NECK DIRT FOR SALE RIGHT HERE LADIES AND GENTLEMENS. THIS HERE DIRT IS GAR - UN-TEED TO HAVE BEEN SPIT ON WITH TO'BACKY JUICE AT LEAST 3 TIMES BY MY UNCLE LESTER. THE LITTLE JELLY JARS ARE 3 FOR 1 OR 2 FOR 5, THE BIG MASON JARS ARE 1 FOR 5 OR 2 FOR 9.50"

You know, I can see taking advantage of free trade, but that might be going a little to far. LOL

Steve - I don't play tennis. If I want to watch someone run around, looking hot and sweaty and trying to keep it together, I'll make a tape of myself going thru my day.

Kristen - thank you (wipes tear from eye)

Anon - Welcome! Just throw it all in a big tub of bleach and hope for the best. I've done it.

Sometimes, it's just so sad when good clothes die.

 
At Wednesday, July 05, 2006 8:35:00 PM, Blogger kat said...

oh, god, i have to be funny now. crap. i thought you were funnier. i'll take the complement, though.

 
At Wednesday, July 05, 2006 9:24:00 PM, Blogger Spill The Beans said...

Get some Fels Naptha soap. It works wonders and will take that red clay right out of your pants.

I learned this during baseball season, which we play down here on....you guessed it...red clay. ;) Fels Naptha will make it all better, even the ground in stuff. It's about $1.25 down here.

 
At Wednesday, July 05, 2006 10:44:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Kat - the compliment was well deserved. You don't have to be funny. Just ask them to be your Valentine. LOL

Trouble - Welcome! Thanks for the tip! I'm gonna have everything on God's green earth on these dag on things trying to get this stain out. I LOVE THESE PANTS! (how "woman" is that?)

 
At Wednesday, July 05, 2006 11:09:00 PM, Blogger Pendullum said...

Will never look at clay the same ....
You have brought it to a new light...
A New hue for 2006!
A growing expereince for us all!!!!

 
At Thursday, July 06, 2006 7:41:00 AM, Blogger Rainman said...

Well I posted a comment yesterday but blogger was being an assmunch again.

What I want to know is did you look around after you wiped out to see if anyone saw you fall? How many expletives did you scream after you saw your red ass (pun intended)?

Dam and I missed seeing it!

 
At Thursday, July 06, 2006 8:20:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Pendullum - that's what I want to do with this blog, that is the mission "Enlighten others on red clay suckiness"

Mission accomplished

Rain Man - no, no one saw, my house is surrounded by dense trees. Did I cuss? HELL NO! You know I don't like that kind of language. ((snicker))

 
At Thursday, July 06, 2006 10:01:00 AM, Blogger Sven said...

Nice.

Now could you pen one for mosquitoes?

 
At Thursday, July 06, 2006 11:15:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Sven - good to see you! Just for you I'll write a little something (smarty pants)

Ode to Mosquitoes

Oh how you suck

Please stop

What'd you think?

 
At Thursday, July 06, 2006 1:56:00 PM, Blogger Dirty Birdie said...

Well Nikki - what they do is they use the red clay to die the shirts and then sell these Red Dirt Shirts for like $40 each. Can you believe that shit?

 
At Thursday, July 06, 2006 2:05:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Becka - okay, so I feel dumb now. I like the new pic btw.

 
At Wednesday, January 31, 2007 9:09:00 PM, Blogger Marymurtz said...

You know, you remind me so much of my sister, I cannot even tell you! Your Ode to Red Clay just about made me piss myself. I'm going to email her a link to your blog.

This is officially my favorite blog.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home