Hey PETA ! BITE ME!

I love animals.

I'm especially fond - no - LOVE cats. There's not to much out there that's better to me than a cat sleeping on my pillow with me. I don't even mind when they wake me up when they're purring because I pet them in my sleep. (Yes, I pet them in my sleep - get over it)

I also love a good joke. Enter my mother.

Mommy Dearest (she looks nothing like Joan Crawford btw) likes to torture me with cat jokes from time to time. Things like when she sees a dead cat on the road. "Oh look! A bent kitty!" Thanks for calling my attention to that ma. 'Preciate it.

She came for a visit a few years back and brought me a gift. (ROCK ON! I love it when I get free shit) Did she bring me a shirt? A new set of knives? No, her smart ass bought me a bumper sticker. It cost her 99 cents. (I hope that didn't break the bank)

Despite my sarcasm, I LOVE that bumper sticker. I'm not a bumper sticker kind of person. Especially when they are neon mustard yellow with great big black lettering, but I LOVE THIS BUMPER STICKER.

It says: Lost Your Cat? Try Lookin Under My Tires.

She pulled it out from behind her back, I got a real good laugh out of it and immediately went and stuck it on my car. She was expecting me to say something like "Oh poor kitty" and feel bad for all those bent kitties out there and throw it away. Nope, sorry 'bout that, I love it.

At the time, I was working not to far from Washington DC. Guess who has an office in DC? PETA. These people get upset over almost everything. Some with good reason. But it seems that it wasn't just the PETA people who took offense.

I have had people STOP in the middle of Interstate 95, with traffic moving at 65 MPH, just so they could scream "Fuck you cat killer!" while flipping me the bird and giving me the radioactive version of the stinky eye while I passed them. I had a couple of people leave notes on my car. My particular favorite was one that said "Why you got to be so mad? Just cause you ain't getting no pussy don't mean you should go around killing cats." (I wish I could have met who ever left that note to compliment him/her that they really took advantage of the ed-u-macation system) I was also car pooling with a couple other girls at the time (can you say HOV lanes?) and one of them was so offended she demanded I take it off my car. (It's still there if you were wondering)

I have also had people pass me in traffic while giving me the thumbs up. If there was a traffic jam, I've had people flash their lights at me and honk their horn. I'd look in the rear view and they'd point to my bumper and give me the thumbs up. One guy was sitting beside me in one traffic jam and motioned for me to roll down my window. "I love your bumper sticker DUDE!"

My most favorite reaction I've gotten out of it? I was filling up the ol' gas tank and an older gentleman (late 50's or so) pulled in behind me. He took one look and and started laughing so hard he started crying. I mean he was snorting and snottin' all over the place. "I take it you don't like cats?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Where did you get that?"

Of course I had to break it to him "Oh I love cats, I have 2(at the time). My mother bought it for me as a practical joke and stuck it on my car without my permission. I think people who laugh at it are assholes." I almost gave the guy a heartattack.

Yeah, I told him I was just jokin' and I loved it too.