Sunday, July 09, 2006

Hey PETA ! BITE ME!

I love animals.

I'm especially fond - no - LOVE cats. There's not to much out there that's better to me than a cat sleeping on my pillow with me. I don't even mind when they wake me up when they're purring because I pet them in my sleep. (Yes, I pet them in my sleep - get over it)

I also love a good joke. Enter my mother.

Mommy Dearest (she looks nothing like Joan Crawford btw) likes to torture me with cat jokes from time to time. Things like when she sees a dead cat on the road. "Oh look! A bent kitty!" Thanks for calling my attention to that ma. 'Preciate it.

She came for a visit a few years back and brought me a gift. (ROCK ON! I love it when I get free shit) Did she bring me a shirt? A new set of knives? No, her smart ass bought me a bumper sticker. It cost her 99 cents. (I hope that didn't break the bank)

Despite my sarcasm, I LOVE that bumper sticker. I'm not a bumper sticker kind of person. Especially when they are neon mustard yellow with great big black lettering, but I LOVE THIS BUMPER STICKER.

It says: Lost Your Cat? Try Lookin Under My Tires.

She pulled it out from behind her back, I got a real good laugh out of it and immediately went and stuck it on my car. She was expecting me to say something like "Oh poor kitty" and feel bad for all those bent kitties out there and throw it away. Nope, sorry 'bout that, I love it.

At the time, I was working not to far from Washington DC. Guess who has an office in DC? PETA. These people get upset over almost everything. Some with good reason. But it seems that it wasn't just the PETA people who took offense.

I have had people STOP in the middle of Interstate 95, with traffic moving at 65 MPH, just so they could scream "Fuck you cat killer!" while flipping me the bird and giving me the radioactive version of the stinky eye while I passed them. I had a couple of people leave notes on my car. My particular favorite was one that said "Why you got to be so mad? Just cause you ain't getting no pussy don't mean you should go around killing cats." (I wish I could have met who ever left that note to compliment him/her that they really took advantage of the ed-u-macation system) I was also car pooling with a couple other girls at the time (can you say HOV lanes?) and one of them was so offended she demanded I take it off my car. (It's still there if you were wondering)

I have also had people pass me in traffic while giving me the thumbs up. If there was a traffic jam, I've had people flash their lights at me and honk their horn. I'd look in the rear view and they'd point to my bumper and give me the thumbs up. One guy was sitting beside me in one traffic jam and motioned for me to roll down my window. "I love your bumper sticker DUDE!"

My most favorite reaction I've gotten out of it? I was filling up the ol' gas tank and an older gentleman (late 50's or so) pulled in behind me. He took one look and and started laughing so hard he started crying. I mean he was snorting and snottin' all over the place. "I take it you don't like cats?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Where did you get that?"

Of course I had to break it to him "Oh I love cats, I have 2(at the time). My mother bought it for me as a practical joke and stuck it on my car without my permission. I think people who laugh at it are assholes." I almost gave the guy a heartattack.

Yeah, I told him I was just jokin' and I loved it too.

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36 Comments:

At Sunday, July 09, 2006 11:28:00 PM, Blogger Molecular Turtle said...

sometimes those peta people go too far

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 1:55:00 AM, Blogger kat said...

your bumpersticker is a condundrum: am i demonic, is your cat a dumbfuck, or are you just way too much in need of a sense of humor?

i love my cat, too, and would totally consider puttiing that on the back of my car except that it might affect my job security. the current scottish flag and "goddess" sticker are probably dubious enough. *sigh*

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 2:09:00 AM, Blogger kat said...

oh, and does anybody else automatically ask "pet a what?" whenever they read the name PETA? ok, maybe just me.

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 3:39:00 AM, Blogger Dr Joseph McCrumble said...

Send me that bumper sticker!

I have water-pistol squirty thing that has an infra-red motion detector. Anything bigger than a house sparrow gets it straight between the eyes.

One time, a former employee of the insitute filled the reservoir with red-dye. About a dozen cats got well and truly soaked. Someone rang up the local newspaper and claimed that they had a nasty skin disease caused by an infection that was spreading like wildfire around the village. In the absence of a local vet, they called me in. I took one look at a couple of the cats and said that the only way to get rid of the infection would be to completely shave all the cats in the village. It was an innocent joke, but the wrath of cat owners knows no bounds. Next day someone airbrushed one side of the Institute in red pain. It took Ravel a week to clean it all off.

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 3:40:00 AM, Blogger Dr Joseph McCrumble said...

that should read 'red paint'

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 8:17:00 AM, Anonymous nikki m. said...

(this is going to sound so cruel) as a little girl (5 or so) i used to stick the tip of my mom's cat's tail into the toilet and flush. her tail would to spin round and around really fast. now it should be interesting to see what my cat hater husband does to my new kitten!

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 8:24:00 AM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

I don't like cats. (ducks)

But I love your mother. Will she adopt me so I can get cool stuff too?

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 8:52:00 AM, Blogger Rainman said...

I love that bumper sticker. I also like the ones that read:

PETA - People eating tasty animals.

Cat - The other white meat.

We have somehow accumilated 3 of those little fur growers from people who drop them off in front of the farm. Awww Daddddd we have to keep him, he's so cute! They rule the house so much, they have their own cat door into the house.

For the people that flip you off over the bumper sticker heres a great reply. Just wave back and smile like you dont understand. Pisses them off even more. I love to see their faces get red and the veins burst on their foreheads afterwards. Muuhhaaa Muuhaaaa

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 9:18:00 AM, Anonymous Jenny said...

Ok, I think I love you.

I too am a cat lover but I once saw a picture of a cat that had been run over and someone had put a big sign next to it and had written "FREE CAT" with an arrow pointing to it.

I laughed so hard and felt terrible about it the whole time.

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 9:52:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Molecular turtle - Welcome! Yes, you're right, sometimes they do push limits.

Kat - LOL I am finding more and more people need a sense of humor. My calling is to piss them off until they get one. LOL and I had never really thought about "pet a what" before - but it's funny.

Dr McC - HA HA squirting the cats with red water then calling it a skin infection. LMAO That is way to funny. You are so, so bad. (Good job)

Christina - you don't like cats? Why? I hear they taste just like lamb.

Rainman - I love that definition for PETA! OMG, I'm gonna use that the next time I run into someone from PETA. THANKS. I can't wait to piss them off. hehehehe

Jenny - you can love me, it's okay cause it's totally platonic and long distance. LOL

I love that poster btw. It is way to funny.

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 11:06:00 AM, Blogger Dirty Birdie said...

PETA is one of those EXTREME groups that really tick me off. I'm all for the protectin of animals but I also like a nice medium rare steak. If God didn't want me to eat meat he wouldn't have given me the teeth to chew it, nor would he have made it so tasty.

I like cats too, some of them. I have a tuxedo cat who really just thinks he's a small dog. Even my husband likes him and he's not a cat person.

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 11:16:00 AM, Blogger kim said...

lmao you pussy hater you ... get a fur coat to go with your sticker ...Peta will loveeeee that

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 11:58:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Becka - (homer simpson voice) ummmmmmm steak.

Kim - I am a hater aren't I. I'm so bad. Don't tell anybody.

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 12:28:00 PM, Blogger Oh, The Joys said...

My husband used to have a bumper sticker that said, "Against abortion? Have a vasectomy." This would cause UNBELIEVABLE road rage. Miss that old car...

My favorite though is, "Possum, the other white meat." Love that.

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 12:43:00 PM, Blogger Pendullum said...

Could not stop laughing about your bumper sticker...
Reminds me of my Oblivious dad...
My Dad was a cop... Homicide detective... Big... Irish Cop...But very proper... Would never swear... Would not let us watch any shows with adultery on it...
Anyway, when I was a teen, I started going out with this boy... and well, I wanted him to meet my dad as he met the rest of the family.. he was daunted by the prosect of meeting my dad who carried a gun and had licence to use it...
anyway, my dad pulls up in his volare sationwagon and some cop prankster had posted a bumpersticker on the front of the car... It read....
Cops Go For Bigger Busts....
I could have died...
My boyfriend blushed...
My father was mortified when I shoed him the front of the car... He drove all through the entire city with that bright orange bumper sticker and could not understand why he was getting the two thumbs up...

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 12:59:00 PM, Blogger jennster said...

BWAHHAHAHAHHAA- i hate cats. don't hate them, hate them.. but i have no use for them. lol

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 1:45:00 PM, Blogger kat said...

last night within the span of 5 minutes my cat (pictured at the right) bit my leg so that it bled and pooped on the closet floor. now she's on my lap wanting to be pet. there is good reason why her nickname is "little shit." so, driving out for a visit?

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 2:42:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Oh, the Joys - HAHA! Great bumper sticker - both of them. Unfortunately, I couldn't do the possum one, to many dead ones on the road around here, I'm sure some smart ass would put one on my car just for shits and giggles.

Have I mentioned how much I love your new picture btw? It looks really good.

Pendullum - THAT IS CLASSIC - I have a girl I used to work with, her brother sold cars for a living, he was also very religious, they made a fake lic plate and put it over the top (I mean really, how often do you look at your lic plate?) that said plseatme. Classic. He drove around for about 4 days like that and didn't know anything about it until his apartment complex towed his vehicle b/c they didn't have the lic plate on file! HA

Jennster - Don't have any use for them? What? Don't you like cleaning out litter boxes? Weird. LOL

Kat - I think I'll pass for the time being. Thanks though. LOL

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 3:38:00 PM, Blogger Charlie said...

Once, in college, I borrowed a fellow's car because I didn't own one.

I was travelling down the Colorado Interstate and people kept honking at me, and kind, rational driver that I was, I would stick my arm out the window and flip them the bird (pre-road rage days).

After I got to my destination and after two dozen honks with two dozen birds, I happened to notice the back bumper and its sticker:

HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 4:23:00 PM, Blogger Kristin said...

omg... I love it. I absolutely love it and I love your mother!

and, just for the record, I like cats.

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 4:26:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Admiral - HAHAHA you heathen! (I'm so proud)

Kristin - Mom is funny as hell. She is so responsible for my warped humor (let's all give her a round of applause)

Now if she would only sit down and do that guest entry like I've been nagging her about. hmmmm

(I know you're reading Mommy Dearest - pound it out already - it's been two months - get it done before you move or you won't get it done until Christmas - LOVE YA)

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 5:43:00 PM, Blogger Pendullum said...

Ok... I was howling about that plseatme licence plate... and the car being towed away....My daughter is beside me asking Momma why are you laughing...

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 6:44:00 PM, Blogger Rev. Smokin Steve said...

We have a cat and it annoys me on a daily basis.

 
At Monday, July 10, 2006 11:54:00 PM, Blogger Farm Girl said...

Some people do not have a sense of humor. I love cats and love the sticker. I hate PETA.

 
At Tuesday, July 11, 2006 12:46:00 AM, Blogger Superstar said...

I had a cat...I think my dog ate her...LOL JK
Jeshh it was a joke...Nikki tell your Mom to se if she can pick up her scence of humor at the $1 store too?!?!?! LOL ;o) YOu crack me up!

 
At Tuesday, July 11, 2006 7:31:00 AM, Blogger carmachu said...

PETA folks are the fucktards of the world and are a blight on society.

They have no common sense or any concern for anything human. Running ads saying your better off drinking beer instead of milk, milk will kill you. Or handing out flyers to kids telling them their parents kill animals if they where fur coats.

Apparantlly, in order to join PETA, you must first get a frontal lobotomy and have most of your brain and all your common sense removed first.

Great bumper sticker.

 
At Tuesday, July 11, 2006 9:00:00 AM, Blogger Victoria said...

For PETA people, it's not so much about protecting the animals, as it is about hating humanity, making a lot of noise and feeling good about being part of a controversial cause.

They want to be martyrs, but they don't really want to win the fight. If we all lowered ourselved on the food chain and stopped wearing fur (mmm...love my fur coat!) I am sure PETA would find something else to bitch about...

 
At Tuesday, July 11, 2006 9:14:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Pend - when she told me about it, I started laughing too. That's just one of those original jokes that not to many people can top.

Smokin - what are you so upset about? He just wants to use you as a scratching post. (hehehehe)

Les - Here here!

Super - thanks. . .I heard a rumor that you started a fight in the theatre. . .you go girl.

Carm - You're right about the lobotomy. They are some psycho fuckers.

MN - I'm in total agreement with you.

 
At Tuesday, July 11, 2006 9:46:00 AM, Blogger Attila The Mom said...

LOL!

When we first moved to the mountains we had Chinese food at a new place.

Hubby said, this cashew chicken is soooo good! It almost doesn't even taste like chicken!

We looked at each other and started meowing (a place near where we used to live was busted by the health dept for having cats in their freezer. The owners insisted they were for "personal use only").

We got so used to calling it Cashew Cat that I have to actually WRITE IT DOWN before ordering, because I'm afraid I'm going to slip. ;-)

 
At Tuesday, July 11, 2006 10:20:00 AM, Anonymous gratis said...

Hahaha, "Cat Cashew"...I love that!

I saw a bumpersticker similar to that once. It said "I'm not going to ruin my $25000 car for your 25cent cat". I didn't wonder why the guy had a huge scratch down the side of his truck. LOL

 
At Tuesday, July 11, 2006 11:28:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Attila - That is sooo funny. Charles and I do the same thing. He doesn't like Chinese but we eat it every once in a while to make me happy. He refuses to eat chicken - he will ONLY eat the beef because he doesn't want to eat cat. LOL

Gratis - ouch.

 
At Tuesday, July 11, 2006 1:43:00 PM, Blogger WOA said...

I had so much to add to this but... everybody else seems to have beat me to it.

I will add (for the hell of it) my favorite all time bumper sticker:

Jesus Saves! He shoots! He SCORES!

(And I also like/hate cats...what is it about those furry little buggers anyway???)

 
At Tuesday, July 11, 2006 2:32:00 PM, Blogger Dirty Birdie said...

I'm particularly fond of a t-shirt my dad got me in Cabo that reads
"Jesus is coming, everyone look busy." LMAO, it still makes me giggle.

 
At Tuesday, July 11, 2006 2:34:00 PM, Anonymous nikki m. said...

My favorite bumper sticker read "Spay and Neuter your animals and all your stupid family members." I about tinkled my pants.

 
At Tuesday, July 11, 2006 2:45:00 PM, Blogger Mel said...

You're killing me, here.
That poor old guy! LMFAO!
Sounds like you have my favorite kind of sense of humor - sick and mean. Heh. :)

 
At Tuesday, July 11, 2006 4:38:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

WOA - to funny! I've never heard of that one before. LOL

Becka - (finger tapping chin) I wonder if looking busy will help. LOL

Nikki - Wouldn't the world be a better place if we could spay or neuter our dumb family members. It would really make me feel better about the future ya know?

Mel - Sorry, I just couldn't resist the joke. He was such a prime target. LOL bad me.

 

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