Wednesday, July 12, 2006

I Hope

I went and dropped off some baby blankets at the NICU about 3 weeks ago.

I walked in and spoke with a couple of nurses and generally shot the shit for a while.

I have to hang around while they "inspect" the blankets to make sure there is no fringe to get caught on cords or wires and making sure the all cotton and acrylic were separated etc. This takes a while because I package mine - the hospital has a rule that they won't take anything unless it's in it's original package, smart, but difficult for me b/c I make these by hand. So the solution - gallon sized zip lock bags, with labels made from my printer - instant packaging. The nurses have to take everything out and put it back in and it takes a while.

I'm not allowed near the babies but I peak into some of the rooms and marvel at how something so tiny could be so beautiful.

A mother walked in and walked over to her baby that was in the same spot my son was when he was there. She gently picked him up, cradling him so tenderly and sang him lullabyes and kisses him so, so gently on his head. She stayed that way for a long time.

She started crying those deep racking sobs - soul wrenching. She had her hand resting on top of his stomach and legs, he was that small that her one hand covered all of that and just cried and cried.

I was immediately taken back to when Connor was born and he was in that very same NICU and I was sitting in a rocking chair that was almost exactly the same, and I did the exact same thing. I cried and cried.

I could identify with her pain. I don't think I'll ever get over the fear, the terror, of watching him, holding him, and praying to GOD that he would take another breath.

I went and I took 2 blankets out of the ones I brought. One, a soft blue with white trim, the other was a solid barely pink. I walked over to the mom in the rocking chair and laid the blue blanket over the baby and the mom smiled up at me, that crooked crying smile and then I laid the pink on her leg and told her "Mommies sometimes need extra love too."

She held my hand and we stood like that for a long time.

I can't stop thinking about that mom. I hope she's okay. I hope the baby is okay. I hope she gets to watch in grow and play peek-a-boo with him. I hope she gets to see his first smile. I hope she gets to hear him say I love you. I hope she gets to read him bedtime stories and watch him splash in the tub. I hope he gets to aggravate her to death every night by getting up every ten minutes for a cup of water.

I hope they're okay. I hope that someone is there to help her. I hope someone is there to give them a little extra love.

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38 Comments:

At Wednesday, July 12, 2006 6:42:00 PM, Blogger 34quinn said...

awwwwwwwwwwwwwww...I said a little extra prayer of hope for them.

I think it is awesome that you do this for others in appreciation and understanding of having been there in the same position.

I am certain the mom will always remember your kindness from today.

 
At Wednesday, July 12, 2006 7:36:00 PM, Blogger Jim said...

Crap, I think I got something in my eye....

 
At Wednesday, July 12, 2006 7:47:00 PM, Blogger jennster said...

oh man.. this almost made me cry. seriously. so beautiful.

 
At Wednesday, July 12, 2006 9:19:00 PM, Blogger Oh, The Joys said...

Someone did give them a little extra love and it was you.

 
At Wednesday, July 12, 2006 9:23:00 PM, Blogger Shrig said...

I know I got something in my eye.

That was beautiful.

 
At Wednesday, July 12, 2006 10:31:00 PM, Blogger Brandi said...

I too got misty eyed. I was fortunate enough to have a healthy baby, so I can only imagine what she must have been feeling. I hope that she and the baby are doing well. It's amazing what they can do for these tiny babies with the advances in medicine.
I think it's great what you are doing with the blankets. That has to be comforting. I worked in an American hospital in Germany and there was a group of ladies that made clothing for the premature babies. I thought that was so nice to do something for those little babies.
Thanks for sharing that story.

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 3:20:00 AM, Blogger Rhonda said...

:::sniff:::

What you wrote and, more importantly, what you did was beautiful, Nikki.

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 4:15:00 AM, Anonymous melissa b. said...

Oh, the crying. I'm not misty eyed, there are streaks down my cheeks.

What a wonderful, beautiful and quietly touching, non-obtrusive thing you did. Thank you so much for sharing.

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 5:10:00 AM, Blogger Panacea said...

This is one of the posts that make you want to just go 'awww' and sniff around.

What you did was really sweet and I'm sure the mother is probably going to remeber and think about you just as you think about her.

PS: I'm back by the way *waves*

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 7:38:00 AM, Blogger Annie Drogynous said...

Yep. It's official. You made me cry. I hate you. But I will admit that's one of the sweeter stories I've heard in a long time. It makes me appreciate how healthy my children were then and now even more.

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 8:02:00 AM, Anonymous poet said...

nikki...that is such a wonderufl gift you gave to that mom, and to all the moms and babies in that unit. what a caring woman. take care and know that all good things come back ten fold.
poet

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 8:31:00 AM, Blogger carmachu said...

Nice job there Tex.....

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 9:05:00 AM, Anonymous nikki said...

nothing like crying in the morning. it hits a sore spot. we just found out our good friends who had a baby last tuesday had to take her to the emergency room last night for having trouble breathing. they found blood clots in her lungs and don't know why they are there.

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 9:10:00 AM, Blogger Anna said...

I've joined in with the crying too.

But I can't say anything that hasn't already been said.

Damned words.

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 10:00:00 AM, Blogger Rainman said...

Your the bestest.

Are they peeling onions again today?

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 11:20:00 AM, Blogger Charlie said...

A perfect post from a very special mom.

Thanks, again, for being you.

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 1:13:00 PM, Anonymous gratis said...

Bless you for that.

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 1:16:00 PM, Blogger Spill The Beans said...

Beautiful post.

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 1:29:00 PM, Blogger Farm Girl said...

YOU ARE SPECIAL. That was very sweet of you. I went through hell to have kids and can imagine what that Mom was going through.

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 1:34:00 PM, Blogger Dirty Birdie said...

stop stop stop, I don't need to read this shit right now!! Darn it woman, I am already a virtual movie storehouse of M. Night Shamylan-esque, pregnancy, delivery, child rearing nightmares.

The fire chiefs wife made us a baby blanket with fire trucks on it. It's the softest blanket ever and I can't wait to use it. :)

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 2:03:00 PM, Blogger Pendullum said...

That was truly beautiful...
The earth has walking angels and you are one of them Nikki...
You gave so much to that woman and she for a moment she was told she was not alone...
And that is so powerful in one's time of need.

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 2:59:00 PM, Blogger Stinkypaw said...

That was a very nice and loving gesture you had for that mom and her baby. You read like a good person.

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 3:16:00 PM, Blogger carmachu said...

Our thoughts and prayers are there for your friend Nikki.

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 3:20:00 PM, Blogger St Jude said...

I hope so too.

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 3:21:00 PM, Blogger The Poodle's Friend said...

Sniffles. That managed to chip off at the cement block that passes as my heart.
Sniffles. How sweet of you to give her the blanket. Sounds like something my mother would do.

Oh, by the way, your daughter kicks ass (sorry, referring to the previous post here)!

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 4:11:00 PM, Blogger Mel said...

Well, I tell you what: you were there to give her some extra love. And that counts.
It also made me blubber like a sissy-face.

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 4:25:00 PM, Blogger Lucky said...

Our first was born four weeks early. We didn't realize how big of a deal that was--but she turned out not to need a NICU visit.

Our second was born eight weeks early, in Japan. He was taken to the NICU 30 seconds later. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. I wrote a post about it at http://desertodyssey.blogspot.com/2006/02/preemie.html.

That was a great post, Nikki.

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 6:15:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Thank everybody.

Charlie, XOXO

Nikki, I'll be thinking of your friends baby.

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 6:53:00 PM, Anonymous mamatulip said...

Oh my goodness...this post hits me RIGHT THERE. Beautiful.

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 8:33:00 PM, Blogger Oh, The Joys said...

In total OTHERNESS - you are being requested in my comments section.

 
At Thursday, July 13, 2006 8:54:00 PM, Blogger Kristin said...

Good for you Nikki, you were just who that mom needed at that moment and your kindness is something that will stay with her... poor family, I will be praying for them.

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 1:36:00 AM, Blogger kim said...

you are such a sweetie *hugs* im sure you helped her a lot .. and ill say a little prayer too

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 8:52:00 AM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

Wow. You're a good person, hun. Very inspirational. God bless you and every NICU unit patient and their families.

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 9:14:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have tears rolling down my cheeks. Maybe you got the tender heartedness from your Aunt Debbie. :) You are a wonderful person Angela and i am very proud to be you aunt.
I love you
Aunt Debbie

 
At Friday, July 14, 2006 10:53:00 AM, Blogger Misha said...

A beautiful and heartwrenching post from a beautiful person.

 
At Saturday, July 15, 2006 10:59:00 AM, Blogger Kate said...

Oh Nikki, what a wonderful post!

Number Four Son was premmie, and this took me right back. I can remember holding him in my arms willing him to live, to hang on for another day. He did, and he is 15 now, fighting fit and really bright. My heart goes out to parents who aren't so lucky.

I do hope that lady and her baby will be ok.

 
At Saturday, July 15, 2006 5:29:00 PM, Anonymous Breigh said...

How heartbreaking :( Did the nurses tell you what was wrong with the baby?

 
At Friday, July 21, 2006 4:22:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi! Just want to say what a nice site. Bye, see you soon.
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