Tuesday, June 13, 2006

WHY DOES HE DO THAT?!!!!!!!!

This is the third time in a month I have gone to the bathroom and there has been no toilet paper on the roll. Three guesses to who the last person was in the bathroom and the first two don't count.

I'll even give you a couple of hints:

1 - Lauren has her own bathroom.

2 - Only Charles and I use our bathroom.

Why can't he understand that I just can't shake mine dry? Why do I have to be reduced to pulling off miniscule bits of TP off the roll that are still GLUED to it? Why am I reduced to wiping myself with only enough TP to cover the tip of my index finger? What happens if I have to perfume the bathroom with potpourri (you get what I'm trying to say here right)? What in the hell am I going to do then? Why do I have to be reduced to doing the crouching duck walk to the cabinet to get TP and then back again to clean up? Is it because Toilet Paper doesn't begin with an "S" like SEX and SLEEP that he can't comprehend the importance of it?

I love that man but I swear, the next time I end up with a naked toilet paper roll, I'm going to get one of his shirts and apologize later for the dampness. "Oh sorry dear, I must not have left it hanging out on the clothes line long enough. No, I don't smell anything funny. . . or maybe the baby needs to be changed. Have a nice day at work!"

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30 Comments:

At Tuesday, June 13, 2006 12:07:00 AM, Blogger Kristin said...

Toilet Paper doesn't begin with an "S" like SEX and SLEEP that he can't comprehend the importance of it?

omg... that is too funny!

btw, are you married to my husband?

 
At Tuesday, June 13, 2006 7:42:00 AM, Blogger Jim said...

Hmmm...does TMI-land have it's own zip code? ;-)

 
At Tuesday, June 13, 2006 7:58:00 AM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

Men, we wanna know. WHY can't you change it? Did they not teach it in shop or something? What? WHAT?!?

 
At Tuesday, June 13, 2006 9:30:00 AM, Blogger Rainman said...

First - Blooger sucks

Second - I feel your pian Nikki! I hate the non replacing TP roll people also. They do it at my house all the time. I scream and bitch all the time, they dont care. And my wife is the biggest culpret. Drives me insane to sit down and see the cardbord roll sitting there with a partially unrolled new roll sitting on the counter right next to it. Someone is going to die!

Did someone say Sex?????

 
At Tuesday, June 13, 2006 9:58:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Kristin - Last I checked, he wasn't yours. I know it's hard to tell sometimes since so many men have similar traits, you know - like:Won't change TP roll, leaves toilet seat up, breathing in a totally annoying way....you know, like that. LOL

Jim - You have to be prepared for anything with this blog.

Christina - If you find out, please let me know. It's just driving me crazy.

Rainman - yeah, blogger sucks. And I am just SHOCKED to hear that a man changes the TP roll.

And no, nobody said SEX, it was a figment of your imaginary-nation.

(HIDE LADIES)

 
At Tuesday, June 13, 2006 5:10:00 PM, Anonymous mamatulip said...

LMAO -- Dave meets me halfway. He'll get a new roll out but absolutely, positively WILL NOT put it on the roll. He'll leave it on the counter, on the back of the toilet...hell, on the fucking floor before he'll put it on the roll.

 
At Tuesday, June 13, 2006 6:36:00 PM, Blogger Superstar said...

ROFLMAO!!! I used to have a secret spot that I would "stash" an emergency roll...then the ex bastard found that too! So I had to refer back to my "miss mannors handbook" WHICH said, check before you sit down...LOL ;) SURE in the dark, blind as a bat, and have to PEEEEEEEE...RIGHT.

Rainman...Lets talk about sex..baby...lets...talk about....

 
At Tuesday, June 13, 2006 7:41:00 PM, Blogger Kevin Charnas said...

I think that's EXACTLY what you should do. I learned from experience...the harder the lesson, the more they learn.

 
At Tuesday, June 13, 2006 9:24:00 PM, Blogger carmachu said...

I have the same problem, only its my WIFE who cant comprehend getting more toliet paper and putting it near the bowl. Considering she has to wipe after every use, you'd think SHE'd comprehend getting a new roll and putting it on, but noooooooo, all I hear from down stairs is "honey, can you get me a roll of toliet paper?"

Its funny the expliclatives that come raining down when I delay or say no.....

 
At Tuesday, June 13, 2006 9:58:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Mama - Hubby used to do that and I would fuss at him for not taking two seconds to put the stupid thing on the roll. . . so he quit.

I don't know if he has noticed yet, but he doesn't get any affection when I have to put paper on the roll like this.

Superstar - HA HA! HEAR HEAR! I agree. Look before you sit down huh. I'm to busy making sure he put the dag on toilet seat down!

Kevin - He's gonna make me do something drastic. I can feel it. Like when he used to always kick his dirty undies under the bed. I had even bought an extra clothes hamper so he would have it right where he undressed. I would have to crawl under the bed to pick them up.

I started leaving them there (as nasty as that sounds - I got tired of it). He eventually noticed that he didn't have any underwear left when he had to go commando. I had to wash a whole load of his tighty whities and shampoo the carpet - but he doesn't do that anymore. LOL

 
At Tuesday, June 13, 2006 10:00:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Carmachu - HA HA HA! I'm sure it's just love.

 
At Tuesday, June 13, 2006 11:09:00 PM, Blogger kim said...

we girls are so outnumbered here at my house 2 to 5 and its the boys that use all the damn toilet paper!! i swear to god they go in there and use a whole roll just to see if it gets to us ...aghhhhh!

 
At Tuesday, June 13, 2006 11:43:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Hey Kim! Hope your headache went away.

What is it about the dag on bathroom and men? I just don't get that!

 
At Wednesday, June 14, 2006 1:15:00 AM, Blogger Me said...

Omg so funny. Are you sure you are not talking about the boyfriend here?
"Is it because Toilet Paper doesn't begin with an "S" like SEX and SLEEP that he can't comprehend the importance of it?"
hahahaaha Stop you are killing me !

 
At Wednesday, June 14, 2006 9:19:00 AM, Blogger carmachu said...

So is it love as well when I *miss* the toliet and leave it for her?

 
At Wednesday, June 14, 2006 10:27:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Me - Men are sometimes very strikingly similar aren't they?

Car - No hon, I'm sorry to tell you that's not love. That's grounds for murder. LOL

 
At Wednesday, June 14, 2006 10:58:00 AM, Blogger Sven said...

Note to self: Use the toilet before visiting Nikki's house.

 
At Wednesday, June 14, 2006 1:27:00 PM, Blogger Charlie said...

Note to SVEN: Take your own roll like I do.

 
At Wednesday, June 14, 2006 1:29:00 PM, Blogger Sven said...

AP: My problem is that I'd probably have to bring my own potpourri as well.

 
At Wednesday, June 14, 2006 2:25:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Sven - I'm not quite sure you understood what I was trying to say when I said "potpourri".

In the context I was using it, you had better bring your own, cause I don't know anyone who will bring it for you. LOL

 
At Wednesday, June 14, 2006 2:46:00 PM, Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Too funny! My husband will replace the roll---just not on the roll thingy. Then he'll walk in the bathroom to blow his nose and move it about 2 feet too far from the toilet.

So I race in there, do my duty and realize that I can't reach it.

I've been carrying around a big wad of paper in my pockets just in case...

 
At Wednesday, June 14, 2006 4:08:00 PM, Blogger Kim Ayres said...

Separate toilet rolls, with initials embroidered on each sheet...

Well, maybe that's going a bit too far :)

 
At Wednesday, June 14, 2006 4:13:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Attila - HA! You are one prepared woman!

Kim - I would use his roll just to soil the TP with his initials on it when I am mad. BAD ME! BAD ME!

 
At Wednesday, June 14, 2006 10:02:00 PM, Blogger happykat said...

Hey! I do the laundry over here and I gotta tell ya......just be happy your man actually uses TP!

 
At Thursday, June 15, 2006 10:15:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

HK - I know what you're talking about - I recommend light soaking with bleach. Works like a charm. If his under-roos weren't white before - they will be now.

 
At Thursday, June 15, 2006 3:55:00 PM, Blogger Kevin Charnas said...

CRAWL UNDER THE BED TO PICK THEM UP???

oh jesus...
I say put BenGay in his underwear. He'll do whatever you want for as long as you want him to.

 
At Thursday, June 15, 2006 8:31:00 PM, Blogger Nikki said...

Kevin - ROFL! I wish I had thought of that!

 
At Friday, June 16, 2006 5:25:00 PM, Blogger Farm Girl said...

I have a thought, the next time he wants to have sex tell him you'd love to but your vagina has been glued shut because of all the little gluey pieces of TP you've been forced to use. That would show him!

 
At Saturday, June 17, 2006 2:44:00 AM, Blogger Just telling it like it is said...

I hate it when that happens...
I am not sure that ummmmm TP can like glue anything together..then again he might go for that excuse...

 
At Sunday, June 18, 2006 12:39:00 AM, Blogger Nikki said...

Les - Welcome! HA! Good idea.

Just Telling - I can shovel it with the best of 'em. He'll bite.

 

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