Monday, April 02, 2007

He Learns From the Master

My life is complete now.

I have everything I need. I have done what I intended to do on this earth and I can now go meet THE BIG CHEESE with a clear conscience.

I have taught my son to cuss.

Yeah.

I try not to cuss in front of my kids, but it doesn't always work...and really it could have been anyone who taught him that word, but I really think it was me. I mean, he used it with such CONVICTION and FEELING - it had to me - there aren't to many people out there that can use vulgar language like I can - it's my medium.

Reminded me of the time when Lauren was about his age...I put her on my lap to show her how the computer works so she could play some simple games, she turned around, put her cute little baby hands on my face and said "Mommy, you are such a bitch."

Now, while that may be true...she's not allowed to point that out until she's a teenager.

Connor took a completely different approach to try and get my head to explode from shock.

Let me set the scene for you.

Happy baby in the living room playing with stuffed animals...kiss-kiss, kiss-kiss - throw, giggle. Happy baby takes off clothes and beats himself in the stomach while yelling BELLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYY. Happy baby looks a picture book. Happy baby plays with big Tonka truck - picks it up and drops it on his previously happy baby toes. Happy baby is no longer happy and proves this by saying. DAMN! DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN MOMMY! while stomping his feet and then kicks Tonka truck again hurting his un-happy baby toes. Another chanting litany of DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN follows.

I can not move. I'm in shock - I'm totally shocked. I'm shocked he didn't say Fuck. That is, after all, the word I use the most.

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24 Comments:

At Monday, April 02, 2007 1:18:00 PM, Blogger Rainman said...

The Bitch comment was way to funny. and then teaching him to say Dam. LMAO

I think Social Services is on the way over to your house right now. :)

 
At Monday, April 02, 2007 1:35:00 PM, Blogger Woman with kids said...

I accidentally said the S word, and then quickly tried to replace it with "SUGAR!"

A few days later, Boy 2 happily announced "SHIT SUGAR!" to everyone at McDonalds... Lovely.

Social Services may be a while, they're held up at my house.

 
At Monday, April 02, 2007 2:04:00 PM, Blogger Pendullum said...

I used to use a courier company and the boss, the head cheese, my main courier was named Bohram. Bohram came from Iran and he married a Polish woman.
They had a toddler and ever so often Bohram would drive his toddler around... One day someone cut off Bohram and he started to swear in Arabic... He looked in his rear mirror and guiltily remembered his son was in the car... But his son seemed oblivious...
Two weeks, later his son was in the car again.
Someone cut off Bohram...
But Bohram stopped himself from swearing...But his toddler son started swearing in POLISH...

He came in and started to laugh, told me the story and said'Now, dis is a gift from Allah... '

 
At Monday, April 02, 2007 7:32:00 PM, Blogger Cece said...

My 8 y.o. was asleep at my grandma's house one night (while we were all partying outside but that is beside the point) and my grandma heard her talking in her sleep. She was mumbling & stuff then out of no where she said FUUUUUUCK. Sure we laughed, but that is SO my word. Yikes.

 
At Monday, April 02, 2007 8:11:00 PM, Blogger Jennifer McK said...

Um, I think my five year old said "fucking bitch".
*hangs head in profanity ridden shame*
I'm a bad mommy. bad mommy.
I still remember when my best friend and I were not as careful as we are now (stop laughing!!!) and she called me a "stupid bitch" and I called her a "dirty bar whore" and that same five year old called his daycare provider a "stupid bitch".
I don't think he knew he was being insulting.

 
At Monday, April 02, 2007 8:40:00 PM, Blogger carmachu said...

See, SEE! Your children do take after you. The power of prayer.

Yeah, I'm usually bad about language, but the funniest part is sarah picked up all her bad words from mommy too!

Ah ha!

 
At Monday, April 02, 2007 8:50:00 PM, Blogger Sayre said...

I was peeking in on my kid one day as he was working on some project - and overheard him say under his breath, "Ahhh... f**k me!" as something came apart. He turned around when Mommy slapped her hand over her mouth in an attempt to stifle the guffaw that was trying to erupt.

 
At Monday, April 02, 2007 9:01:00 PM, Blogger Oh, The Joys said...

High fives!!

 
At Monday, April 02, 2007 9:36:00 PM, Anonymous Annie Drogynous said...

That's it?! You should be much prouder of the bitch comment.

BTW, that's nothing compared to what my son said to my mother. She was sitting in the back seat of my car, he looked at her with a scowl on his face and said "Effing asshole". Of course he didn't say "effing", he actually said the F word. He was 4. That's my boy.

 
At Monday, April 02, 2007 9:37:00 PM, Anonymous Annie Drogynous said...

Oh wait! I realized that wasn't the first time he cursed!

I used to mumble under my breath so he wouldn't hear me cursing so I dropped something out of the dishwasher onto the floor and I started mumbling, he came up to me and said "Mommy, you're not gonna' say 'shit' are you?".

 
At Tuesday, April 03, 2007 8:46:00 AM, Blogger Amy W said...

I give up trying to stop cussing in front of my kids...it's not going to work!

 
At Tuesday, April 03, 2007 9:43:00 AM, Blogger Chicky Pea said...

LOL. Yep, the "f" word was definitely in order there. Maybe he's just starting out slow.

 
At Tuesday, April 03, 2007 10:11:00 AM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

The 'marrying a preacher' thing really cuts down on the cussing. Lord, the look of shame he works it. But when I'm alone or with the daughters driving to the store, an f bomb flies full tilt.

My children have my other vices. Can I still be in the club? Please? I got beer? Well, Rain's beer...

 
At Tuesday, April 03, 2007 10:54:00 AM, Anonymous nikki said...

My brother playing with his trucks in front of our pretentious relatives, belts out,

"Cock-sucking truck!"

 
At Tuesday, April 03, 2007 1:32:00 PM, Blogger Rainman said...

OK I dont want any of you drinking my beer at Wench's house. At least not until she pays off on the bet. Then its ok, but not before!

 
At Tuesday, April 03, 2007 1:57:00 PM, Blogger Misha said...

I think I like your Lauren even better now. hahaha Classic!

I'm sure Connor will soon be in the Cuss Olympics - he's just getting started. :)

When my Lauren was two, she got frustrated with some Barbie shoes and said "What is this fucking shit?" I tried not to laugh, then asked, "Lauren, where'd you hear that?" and like the good little angel she is, she said, "Daddy!!"

 
At Tuesday, April 03, 2007 2:09:00 PM, Blogger mollymcmo said...

umm yeah, my proud mommy moment going to get my crying 18month old in the middle of the night, the crying stops, theres silence then "oh fuck"
yeah, i'm proud

m

 
At Tuesday, April 03, 2007 2:54:00 PM, Blogger Dirty Birdie said...

Brittany Spears would be proud....

 
At Tuesday, April 03, 2007 7:57:00 PM, Blogger Los said...

I remember using the word "whore" as a child and not knowing what it meant ... thankfully, my mom is German, and she had no idea what it meant, either.

 
At Tuesday, April 03, 2007 8:48:00 PM, Anonymous quinn said...

hahahaha...well...it is funny now..he's little and cute and snuggly..nip it in the bud there mommy before it bites you in the a$$. LOL>

 
At Wednesday, April 04, 2007 4:06:00 AM, Blogger ally said...

at least he knows next time he wants to kick his unhappy toes, he needs to kick something soft like a pillow or when he is older, steel toe shoes.

 
At Wednesday, April 04, 2007 1:37:00 PM, Blogger JennyJinx said...

I'm pretty sure I left a comment here yesterday. What's up with that?

Anyway, when Lil' Miss was three she was playing a video game with her dad when her character died. Out of her mouth: "Aw, fuck". I almost popped my own eyeballs out trying to stifle my laughter. No lie.

So far, Baby only says "Crap". I'm keeping my fingers crossed that we're better influences on this one than on the first.:)

 
At Tuesday, April 10, 2007 4:47:00 PM, Blogger texas math said...

I think every parent has a story similar to this...my kid is 8 months old so I'm sure soon I'll be able to tell stories of my own...but the funniest I've heard was when my sister told me what my niece said one morning in the bathroom.

"Bitch, you dropped my toothbrush!"

My sister debated keeping her home from pre-school that day.

 
At Tuesday, April 17, 2007 8:54:00 AM, Blogger DannieS72 said...

omg! buaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I keep waiting for my nephew to say WTF! LOL

 

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