Thursday, April 13, 2006

Grossland

I have a question. Why do men spend half an hour or more in the bathroom to "attend to business"?

Almost every woman I have ever spoken with has this same question. Why does it take them so long? Does their doody have checkpoints it has to clear along the way? Does it have to show a passport? Does it have to go through an inspection of some sort before it can enter the world? Is there a secret door in the bathroom that takes you to Alice's Wonderland that only men are privy to? Is this where you secretly commune with your imaginary friend?

My husband will look at me, rub his stomach and say "I gotta go", grab reading material and disappear. I don't mean he's gone for a little while either. I asked him why he does it. Why do you sit on the throne that long? Are you really doing your business that long? Are you constipated - all the time?

He says he goes there to "relax". Really. What is so relaxing about your "duty" so to speak. Do you finish doing your thing and just wait to flush until you're ready to come out? Ew. Curtsey flush! HELLO! Turn the fan on for crying out loud.

I just don't get it. I don't understand. Women do what they have to do and leave. Is this their response? A "do unto others" type of thing, from the age old complaint that men have with women in the bathroom to long? If so, why don't they look any better when they come out?

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5 Comments:

At Thursday, April 13, 2006 2:32:00 PM, Blogger Rhonda said...

I'm dying laughing. So true, so true.

 
At Thursday, April 13, 2006 5:54:00 PM, Blogger Charlie said...

I know, I know! Wave, wave, wave! Pick ME teacher, I know, I know!

A man sits on the can to think. To gain knowledge. It is where he gets all of his bright ideas.

Rather than pulling all of these things out of his ass, he lets them flow freely and naturally by sitting with his sphincter in the "wide open" position.

Otherwise, he risks walking around with a load in his pants every time someone asks him a quesion.

 
At Friday, April 14, 2006 4:50:00 AM, Blogger Kim Ayres said...

It's the one place you can sit and read your magazine without a) feeling guilty that you should be doing somethingmore productive with your time, or b) getting yelled at that you should be doing something more productive with your time...

 
At Friday, April 14, 2006 9:23:00 AM, Blogger Attila The Mom said...

LOL! While my sons' spend a lot of time in the crapper (fixing their hair, no less), my husband doesn't.

In fact, I'm probably more guilty.

When the kids were little, that was the ONLY place I had to escape. I think I was Calgon's biggest customer. LOL

 
At Wednesday, July 05, 2006 4:18:00 PM, Blogger Lucky said...

That is funny as shit...Superwife has the same complaint...

 

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