Well Damn

I'm a very happily married woman. I love my hubby deeply, but I enjoy looking. Why? Because I'm human that's why. I'm not dead. There's nothing wrong with looking at the menu as long as I don't order anything, and to be honest, it's a rare day when any man makes me take an extra long look, I'm just picky like that.

Every once in a blue moon,I see a man and think to myself "WOW. Must have a little pinky to be such a fine man." But I have been known to occasionally act like Lucille Ball from "I Love Lucy".

I'm sure if it were someone else doing this crap I'd laugh...okay, I laugh too, I can't help it. Some of the stuff that comes out of my mouth sometimes is so damn embarrassing, I can't help but to crack up while turning so red in the face, I look purple.

Classic example:

A couple of months ago, I had a client come in my office. My first thought was "WOW! You are one FINE man. Please don't be stupid and ruin it." Well, he wasn't stupid. I could only trip over my words and look like a dumbass. He came back after a couple of weeks - with no appointment, so I was unprepared for his visit. I had no time to "Psych myself up". I walked into the lobby to meet an unknown client asking for me and it was him.

His shirt clinging to his chest and hair spiked with sweat, shorts, and I'm prepared to swear in a court of law that he wasn't wearing underwear, or he stuffs his Haines. He looked at me and I looked at him and the first thing that popped into my head is what came out of my mouth. "You look HOT." I wish I could say that it was said innocently, but I oh so cleverly included hand gestures while nodding my head in a way that made it unmistakable what I meant. A far cry from the usual hand shake and mundane greeting of "Mr So-and-so, it's good to see you." don't you think?

Oh yeah, I was embarrassed as hell. My eyes immediately bugged out of my head, I gasped, and my hands flew up to cover my face 'cause I could already feel the burn in my cheeks. The burn spread ALL OVER my face - even my chin (has you CHIN ever blushed?) and I doubled over and laughed hysterically while fumbling for the words to try and explain.

From behind my hands I tried to talk to him. "I mean, you look like you've been working out. NO!! I mean that you look really sweaty. NO! OH GOD NO!! I meant that your shirt is sticking to you and... OH MY GOD!!!!! NOT LIKE THAT! NOT LIKE THAT!!! I only meant that - OH GOD!!!!!!" I was to embarrassed to go on.

I was still bent double and all of the sudden realized that I had a rather low cut blouse on that day - modest enough when I was standing up straight, but I wasn't standing up straight was I? He was getting a show while I talked about how hot he looked. (Now THAT's professionalism at it's best right there. Don't deny it.)

I stood up so quickly it must have looked like I was having a seizure.

I tried to regain my composure. I took my hands down from my face, put the death grip on my pants to keep them there, looked him square in the neck - and apologized in a most professional manner while my face glowed a lovely deep purple. I must have looked like some sort of weird bug.

"Mr. So-and-so. I am terribly sorry for any misunderstanding. It was not my intention to offend you in any way, shape, form or fashion. I apologize profusely for my unprofessional behavior and can only hope that you will except my apology."

He graciously accepted my apology - all the while grinning like the cat who ate the canary and ribbed me endlessly the whole time he was in my office. When he left he said "I'll tell my wife you said 'Hello'"

Greaaaaat. I'm looking forward to that call....or visit.