Yes, I AM A Smart Ass
I drove down to Richmond yesterday to pick-up my Victim (aka Charles). Seems he had a little accident in his work vehicle. OOPS.
...and because I love him soooooo very, very much......and because I'm a cheeky broad....I had to fuck with him a little bit.
"So, you had a little accident in your van huh."
"What did your boss say?"
"He said 'Shit happens.'"
"They gonna clean it up for you?"
"Yeah. Shouldn't be any problem really. There wasn't that much damage."
"Damage? You caused damage?"
He looked at me like I had a wart on my nose. "Damage normally happens when you have an accident."
"That's normal for you is it?"
"That's normal for anybody."
"Well, I'd have to say that when someone has an accident in their vehicle, they don't tell their boss. "
"Only if they're stupid they don't."
"Sweetheart, I don't know how close you and your boss are....but a normal person doesn't tell ANYONE when they have an accident in their vehicle...but you may want to get checked out by a Dr.."
"I did go to the Dr. They gave me a urinalysis and a breathalyzer and I blew a 0.00. The urinalysis results should be back next week sometime."
"Did they check you for a urinary tract infection?"
"Why in the hell would they do that?"
"Because if you pissed in the van, then you definitely have a problem. I mean, it's okay if you want people to think you were in a wreck or something instead of having some sort of bladder control problem. There's a lot less humiliation in having a wreck than having "an accident", especially at your age."
I'm telling you, he has got to love me to have been around me this long.