Saturday, September 08, 2007

I Aint Dead Yet

Hi Folks
Sorry to deprive you of my snark recently but I've been on a hunt...job hunt that is...and that's been pretty hard to do considering I'm sick and I've lost my voice. I mean, how am I suposed to interview if I can't speak? It wouldn't exactly make a good first impression for me to whisper and croak intermitantly...unless you're a freak and you're into that sort of thing....and then God only knows what in the hell I'd be hired to do. BLECK. Gives me the hebbie jebbies just to think about it.
I'm tired of insurance. I'm tired of sales. I have no idea what I'm going to do. I'll let you know what I'm doing when I figure it out.
I'll be checking in on all you weird people (and the not so weird people) from time to time.
I'm going to post this draft that's been in here since March since I don't feel like writing anything new.
__________________________________________________________
Okay people. Lets talk personal hygeine.

It's painfully and DISGUSTINGLY obvious that some of us don't know when to get a pedicure or when it's okay to wear sandals.

We just had couple of days where the weather was nice and warm and everybody broke out capris, shorts, and sandals....they did NOT however, GROOM themselves and that's so damn nasty it hurts....it hurts my eyes because I have to look at scary feet, and it could have hurt the back of my legs because of nasty people in crap-tack-ular open toed sandals didn't cut their toe nails and that's just WRONG. I cut my dog's nails for Pete's sake. Why don't you cut your nails people? I was thinking of buying some shin guards and putting them on backwards to protect my legs for your nasty, black toenails - and I don't mean they're black because that's the color of the nail polish. They are blaringly SANS nail polish, and normally that would be okay if you cleaned yourself BUT, if you've got BLACK toenails that hang off the end of the sandals - you aren't fooling anyone - you don't wash - and we know it. (I'm guessing all that black under your tonails is asphalt from where you've been scratching the road...but I could be wrong)

So for the sake of keeping the people around you from throwing up, I've listed some handy-dandy pointers for you.

1. Buy nail clippers. There are a couple of different types, please ask for help if you get confused.

2. Buy a pumice stone...or if it's something you're not comfortable using - I'd like to recommend a cheese grater and sand paper.

3. Buy Lotion - please GOD! buy some lotion. Your feet need it. No really. They NEED it. You see all that cracked dry skin on your heels? Yeeeesssssss, of course you do. You couldn't possibly miss it. That's where the application of lotion comes in and does it's magic.





Please feel free to print them out, write them down and email them to your friends and relatives who may need help or reminding. These guidlines can easily be laminated and taped to the TV - which is where those freaks are sitting instead of taking a shower.

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14 Comments:

At Sunday, September 09, 2007 8:10:00 AM, Blogger carmachu said...

Wow! You got that rare sickness that makes you lose your voice AND breaks your fingers so you cant post!

Nice....:D

 
At Sunday, September 09, 2007 9:58:00 AM, Anonymous Joe the Troll said...

I know how you feel- being damn sick and tired of sales is my main motivation for returning to school.

 
At Sunday, September 09, 2007 10:52:00 PM, Blogger Shrig said...

Feet are gross. Period.

Good luck on the new job hunt. :)

 
At Monday, September 10, 2007 10:50:00 AM, Blogger Superstar said...

If and since you have your degree, come be a school teacher! In the charter school systems you only have to be highly qualified to teach in your subject area, coupled w/ some state licenses.

OMG!!!

You would be soooooo good!

Email me if you want more info!
*smooches*
Bambi

 
At Monday, September 10, 2007 1:46:00 PM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

Nikki teaching kids? Oh dear god, NO!!!!!! The horror of it all...

*smooches*

 
At Tuesday, September 11, 2007 12:02:00 PM, Blogger Sayre said...

They'd all be CRACK STUDENTS! And she'd be the CRACK TEACHER... I'm not sure how that would go over with the PTO.

Good luck figuring out what you want to do. I love my job and draw a blank when I think about what I'd do instead (unless we won the lottery, in which case I could think of THOUSANDS OF THINGS).

I don't do anything special for my feet other than wash them and occasionally trim the nails, but they're in pretty good shape. None of that cracking stuff. But I've seen those feet - not only do they look nasty, but they look like they must hurt a lot too.

 
At Tuesday, September 11, 2007 4:38:00 PM, Blogger *~*Cece*~* said...

Ok, I already have this funky nasty-foot-phobia and you just kicked it up a few notches for me. Thanks! lol

 
At Friday, September 14, 2007 10:31:00 AM, Anonymous Annie Drogynous said...

You'll be happy to know that I never go without my toenails being trimmed and polished. And my heels? Callous-free, thankyouverymuch! :)

Good luck with the job search! Keep us posted! Feel better, too!

 
At Friday, September 14, 2007 5:13:00 PM, Blogger Stinkypaw said...

LOL good list! Come spring time, there should be a "foot patrol" and they should issue tickets!

There's nothing worst than those long, thick, yellowed, croocked toe nails... yark!

 
At Friday, September 14, 2007 8:37:00 PM, Blogger Janna said...

Nasty but true!

 
At Monday, September 17, 2007 2:29:00 PM, Anonymous Slick said...

You got something against my big ol' corns??

I agree though, nothing nastier than some ugly long toenails

 
At Monday, September 17, 2007 5:49:00 PM, Blogger Superstar said...

@Christina: Imagine Mama en Fuego!!!! LOL ;o)

I think Nikki would be a GREAT teacher...Sarcasim is SOOOO under-rated these days!

 
At Tuesday, September 18, 2007 2:07:00 PM, Blogger Sven said...

Ain't that the truth. Huge cracks on the back of crusty feet is just about the most disgusting thing ever.

 
At Saturday, September 22, 2007 2:24:00 AM, Blogger Marymurtz said...

I thought you quit this blog, dammit!!!! And I've been missiing out. Dammit.

I'm glad you are back.

 

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