Large Pieces of Crack Anyone?...Anyone?

Just checking in with all you boys and girls. Hope you're doing well and all that shit.

I'm still jobless and so damn broke I couldn't get financing for a candy bar.

On the up side...you lovely people still take the time to comment on my blog and send me email....which is good...because I really hate mopping the floor....and reading comments is the perfect excuse not to do that. Thanks Yall!

Like today for instance.....I went to check my email and I had a couple new ones in there. One was from a blogging buddy and another one was from Annemarie Van Dijk. Who's that? you ask? My answer...fuck if I know. Basically, the bitch spammed my blog email address...and it totally pissed me off. I don't give out my blog email address to anyone for any reason, so the bitch had to get the shit off of here.

The email went like this.....

SEE MESSAGE FOR DETAILSREFERENCE NUMBER: NLSUK/9408/756/2007BATCH NUMBER: NL2/02/-052AWARD NOTICE STAATLOTERIJ NL.RESULTS FOR CATEGORY ADear Winner,We are happy to inform you that your email address came up in the first dip.Invariable,means that you have emerged a winner under the First Category of our promotion.Winners were picked by computerized system, drawn from company and individual e-mail addresses worldwide.The draws is officially announced today 27th of Sep., 2007.You have therefore been awarded a lump sum pay out of 500,000(Five hundred thousand Euros), which is the winning payout for Category A winners.NOTE: For easy reference and identification,find below your Reference and Batch numbers. Remember to quote these numbers in your correspondence to our claim Department.REFERENCE NUMBER: NLSUK/9408/756/2007 BATCH NUMBER: NL2/02/-052Please contact staatslotreji claim department immediately for due processing and remittance of your prize money to a designated account of your choice with the following details:(1) NAME.(2) CONTACT ADDRESS.(3) TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS.(4) TICKET AND PRIZE NUMBERS.(5) NOTIFICATION DATE.***********************************************************************

********Contact Person:Dr Michael AvansContact Email :staatlotcustom@aim.comContact Tel :0031-634238365******************************************************

*************************Sincerely Yours,Mrs Annemarie Van DijkPROMOTION CORDINATORN.B: Any breach of confidentiality on the part of the winners will result to disqualification. Contact your claim department immediately.

....and because she won me over with her charm and charisma, I decided to send her an email address thanking her for this "Winning" opportunity. It went something (or rather exactly) like this.....

Dear Mrs Van DICK,

Why don't you shove this phony ass contest up your shriveled and wart encrusted ass.

I don't see your dumb ass sending me a check now do I?

Do I have a sign on my head that says "Gullible little shit - please fuck with me" on my head?

I'll tell you what. I've got $50,000 sitting in a bank in Nigeria and I'm having trouble getting the funds here to the US. Why don't you give me the name of your bank, routing number and account number so I can deposit it in your account so I won't have any problems with those pesky people in the US government? I'll give you a 10 percent fee and everything....right after everything clears.

I'll also need your SSN, DOB along with your residential address and home phone number...and I'll also need your mothers maiden name ...so I can laugh at you.

Please eat a piece of my shit and catch AIDS.

Have a nice day.

Now the more level headed of you are asking yourselves "and what purpose does this serve? What greater good has she accomplished by being so vulgar, nasty, waspish and hateful?"

My answer to you is this....

Grow a pair of balls and a sense of humor. This shit is funny and it made me feel better. Now I want you to imagine me flinging poo at you....because that makes me feel better too.