Saturday, September 29, 2007

Large Pieces of Crack Anyone?...Anyone?

Just checking in with all you boys and girls. Hope you're doing well and all that shit.

I'm still jobless and so damn broke I couldn't get financing for a candy bar.

On the up lovely people still take the time to comment on my blog and send me email....which is good...because I really hate mopping the floor....and reading comments is the perfect excuse not to do that. Thanks Yall!

Like today for instance.....I went to check my email and I had a couple new ones in there. One was from a blogging buddy and another one was from Annemarie Van Dijk. Who's that? you ask? My answer...fuck if I know. Basically, the bitch spammed my blog email address...and it totally pissed me off. I don't give out my blog email address to anyone for any reason, so the bitch had to get the shit off of here.
The email went like this.....
SEE MESSAGE FOR DETAILSREFERENCE NUMBER: NLSUK/9408/756/2007BATCH NUMBER: NL2/02/-052AWARD NOTICE STAATLOTERIJ NL.RESULTS FOR CATEGORY ADear Winner,We are happy to inform you that your email address came up in the first dip.Invariable,means that you have emerged a winner under the First Category of our promotion.Winners were picked by computerized system, drawn from company and individual e-mail addresses worldwide.The draws is officially announced today 27th of Sep., 2007.You have therefore been awarded a lump sum pay out of 500,000(Five hundred thousand Euros), which is the winning payout for Category A winners.NOTE: For easy reference and identification,find below your Reference and Batch numbers. Remember to quote these numbers in your correspondence to our claim Department.REFERENCE NUMBER: NLSUK/9408/756/2007 BATCH NUMBER: NL2/02/-052Please contact staatslotreji claim department immediately for due processing and remittance of your prize money to a designated account of your choice with the following details:(1) NAME.(2) CONTACT ADDRESS.(3) TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS.(4) TICKET AND PRIZE NUMBERS.(5) NOTIFICATION DATE.***********************************************************************
********Contact Person:Dr Michael AvansContact Email :staatlotcustom@aim.comContact Tel :0031-634238365******************************************************
*************************Sincerely Yours,Mrs Annemarie Van DijkPROMOTION CORDINATORN.B: Any breach of confidentiality on the part of the winners will result to disqualification. Contact your claim department immediately.
....and because she won me over with her charm and charisma, I decided to send her an email address thanking her for this "Winning" opportunity. It went something (or rather exactly) like this.....
Dear Mrs Van DICK,

Why don't you shove this phony ass contest up your shriveled and wart encrusted ass.

I don't see your dumb ass sending me a check now do I?

Do I have a sign on my head that says "Gullible little shit - please fuck with me" on my head?

I'll tell you what. I've got $50,000 sitting in a bank in Nigeria and I'm having trouble getting the funds here to the US. Why don't you give me the name of your bank, routing number and account number so I can deposit it in your account so I won't have any problems with those pesky people in the US government? I'll give you a 10 percent fee and everything....right after everything clears.

I'll also need your SSN, DOB along with your residential address and home phone number...and I'll also need your mothers maiden name I can laugh at you.

Please eat a piece of my shit and catch AIDS.

Have a nice day.
Now the more level headed of you are asking yourselves "and what purpose does this serve? What greater good has she accomplished by being so vulgar, nasty, waspish and hateful?"
My answer to you is this....
Grow a pair of balls and a sense of humor. This shit is funny and it made me feel better. Now I want you to imagine me flinging poo at you....because that makes me feel better too.



At Sunday, September 30, 2007 11:51:00 AM, Blogger Blue Momma said...

That's just amazing! We have so much in common!

I won that same money! I also won money in England and Liberia.

I'm so fucking lucky. Looks like you are too.

And it seems I win some about every other day. Amazing....

At Monday, October 01, 2007 10:13:00 AM, Anonymous nikki said...

At least you didn't get asked if you wanted your penis enlarged.

At Monday, October 01, 2007 11:14:00 PM, Blogger Superstar said...

OOOP there goes another African credit car reject not able to scam or steal some credit cardhard earned money!!!
LOL ;o)

That is too funny.
I would have rather they asked to enlarge my nonexistant penis!

At Tuesday, October 02, 2007 11:53:00 AM, Anonymous Jeff said...

My wife just found a job so there is hope for everyone. It is posted here, first. You get to break the story! :)

At Tuesday, October 02, 2007 12:08:00 PM, Blogger Christina_the_wench said...

I love when you talk dirty, whore.

Bout time you posted something, crazy girl.You're writing all my letters to my parents from now on.

At Tuesday, October 02, 2007 1:33:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So what happened to your old job? I'll keep my digits crossed for you.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets pissed about spammers. Kill them all, I say! (waggles fist)

At Tuesday, October 02, 2007 7:08:00 PM, Blogger carmachu said...

HEY, look on teh bright side, since your not working, those emails give you something to do and work on yoru snark....

At Tuesday, October 02, 2007 9:46:00 PM, Blogger Jennifer McKenzie said...

LMAO! I hear you. I got spammed by a similar bullshit COMMENT on my blog. Unfuckingbelieveable.

Thank you for all of us who don't give those assholes what they deserve.

At Wednesday, October 03, 2007 9:10:00 AM, Blogger luvmypeanut said...

I haven't been by for a while and I was sooo wasn't disappointed. I am still laughing.... that is funny shit!!!!

At Wednesday, October 03, 2007 2:00:00 PM, Blogger Dr Joseph McCrumble said...

You too huh? Isn't that a remarkable coincidence. I thought I was the only one recieving this kind of message. I'm glad I read your post ot I might have fallen for it!


At Wednesday, October 03, 2007 2:56:00 PM, Anonymous Slick said...

I'm hiring you as my PR director when I get some money and decide on what business I want to go in!

At Thursday, October 04, 2007 12:42:00 AM, Blogger kim said...

Damnnn and I thought I was in a mood!! You have such a way with words chick lmao

At Saturday, October 06, 2007 6:48:00 AM, Anonymous Lola Magnolia said...

Please eat a piece of my shit and catch AIDS.

Honey, that says so much about you. TOO much about you, lol.

By the way, Annemarie has found me too. The little twat.

At Monday, October 08, 2007 12:18:00 PM, Blogger kat said...

yay i'm not the only unemployed and broke one! 10-months of a job search and counting. yay!

good luck to us both, i say.

At Monday, October 08, 2007 12:19:00 PM, Blogger DannieS72 said...

as always fun read! LOL

At Sunday, October 14, 2007 5:54:00 PM, Blogger Charlie said...

I'm happy to see that you've cut back on the snark. I mean you USED to be seriously snarkish, and this post is a shell of your former snarkiness.

Yeah, sure.

BTW, I've got a couple million of Hitler's hidden money waiting for me Germany, but we're having some troubles with this and that getting it out of the country. I need to remind Martha to send them some more money for legal fees . . .

At Saturday, January 19, 2008 8:28:00 PM, Anonymous Geekstr said...

Bwahahaha! I think I shall start sending nice little emails like yours back to those pricks, just for fun.

Thanks for the laugh.


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