Saturday, November 24, 2007

In Case You Were Wondering.....

Being a woman does not make me less than a man.

I will not submit to you. I don't care if you are a woman or a man.

I will not jump if you want something to drink or eat or anything else. I will step quickly and with motivation if you need toilet paper...simply because you not having any grosses me out though you probably deserve to go without it.

I am not your bitch. I am not your slave. I am not your super woman....though I do have the power to cuss a blue streak and piss off everyone in my immediate vicinity - which I have displayed on many occasions.

I will not use the excuse "I can't because I'm a girl."...and if I hear you trying to teach that crap to my daughter again, I will forget that you are my husbands mother and let you have it....we've spoken about this before. I will not "speak" to you about it again.

I don't want to hear you snickering while I'm splitting wood. Granted, I probably look ridiculous doing it, but that's not what you're snickering about. You're snickering because you think it's funny that I'M splitting splitting wood....but I'd bet my bottom dollar that you'd have something to say if I didn't.

Do not make me feel like the bad guy when my children need to be disciplined.

Do not make snide remarks when I put my dishes in the dishwasher instead of washing them by hand.

Do not give my side long glances when I hang my clothes up or put them in the dryer. If I do it one way, you think it should be done another.

Don't play the poor suffering woman with me. You're a manipulative old bat that's tough as shoe leather.

To be clear...there's basically one thing you're allowed to do when you come to my house....

LEAVE.

Labels:

128 Comments:

At Sunday, November 25, 2007 1:13:00 AM, Blogger Blue Momma said...

I love it. We may have the same mother in law. Though mine never comes to my house, thank God.

 
At Sunday, November 25, 2007 12:28:00 PM, Anonymous KUIN said...

OMG you are here !
thanks for comming to visit.
I will have to put you back on my favorites...
im good by the way .
thanks for asking.

 
At Sunday, November 25, 2007 8:26:00 PM, Blogger carmachu said...

Amen to that. I have some issues with my "outlaws".

Good for you! Welcome back.

 
At Monday, November 26, 2007 4:55:00 AM, Anonymous Lola Magnolia said...

Can I tell you how happy I am that I no longer have a POS MIL to deal with anymore?! I do feel for you, my former MIL was exactly how you described!

Thanks for getting in touch the other day although the jury is still out on whether or not I liked being called a crackhead. ;)

 
At Monday, November 26, 2007 12:44:00 PM, Blogger *~*Cece*~* said...

Oh the holiday's are here, aren't they? Oh joh. {{hugs}}

 
At Monday, November 26, 2007 2:50:00 PM, Blogger St Jude said...

Oh sweetie, maybe we should introduce her to Mrs Beeton, I'm sure they would get along famously. Or alternatively just do what I do when Mrs Beeton starts to P**s me off, I just imagine picking my dainty littl hooter and wiping the biggest bogie ever down the front of her posh frock. It makes me smile and she thinks I'm more saintly than ever ;0}

 
At Monday, November 26, 2007 4:41:00 PM, Anonymous Slick said...

Tell her ass off!!

And videotape it too....I'm all curious and shit now.

Hey, grab me a beer will ya?

 
At Tuesday, November 27, 2007 11:00:00 AM, Anonymous Jeff said...

My MIL lives 2000 miles away from me. Just thought I would let you know. ;)

 
At Tuesday, November 27, 2007 12:19:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oooohhhh sorry. I didn't realize my Monster-in-law has started visiting you.

 
At Wednesday, November 28, 2007 1:42:00 PM, Anonymous nikki said...

Damn. Guess you told her. I can't believe she tried to teach your daughter about things she "can't" do because she's a girl. What a piece of bullshit.

 
At Thursday, November 29, 2007 1:49:00 PM, Blogger Paul Champagne said...

Even though I may snicker while watching a woman chop wood ... I must admit I find it kind of sexy. And the bonus is that now I don't have to do it ... so chop away!

 
At Thursday, November 29, 2007 11:05:00 PM, Blogger Jennifer McKenzie said...

Ooooohhhh, the MIL rant. I would TOTALLY do this but my MIL actually visits my blog.
*shudders at the thought*
Thanks for saying all the things I'm usually thinking.

 
At Friday, November 30, 2007 1:44:00 AM, Blogger kim said...

alrighty so we can take her .... lets kick her ass!

It's nice to see ya!

 
At Sunday, December 02, 2007 2:49:00 PM, Anonymous Mommiekins said...

Actually I fight the urge frequently to go "redneck" on her. I have this fantasy of flying back East to "straighten" her ass out. The only thing that stops me is the same thing that stops you...I wouldn't want to hurt your husband.
On second thought...to Hell with it, let's beat her ASS!!! We'll both feel better.

 
At Friday, December 07, 2007 11:39:00 AM, Blogger Mama Drama Jenny said...

Amen, amen.

 
At Sunday, December 09, 2007 7:18:00 AM, Blogger Hayley said...

Couldn't agree with you more. Dont let the door hit your arse on the way out!
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At Saturday, December 15, 2007 4:08:00 AM, Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Somebody needs to get their bitch-ass in the kitchen and make you some pie! LOL

 
At Sunday, December 16, 2007 7:55:00 PM, Blogger Random Musings Of My Life said...

WELL DONE!!
Totally agree with you

 
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At Monday, December 24, 2007 8:58:00 AM, Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Hope you have a wonderful holiday!

XOXO

ATM

 
At Friday, January 04, 2008 11:03:00 AM, Blogger Cinn-fully Delicious said...

Haha! I love it! This may be my "Word To Live By" for 2008.

 
At Thursday, January 24, 2008 5:58:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At Friday, February 01, 2008 12:30:00 AM, Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Where you at?

xoxo

 
At Friday, February 22, 2008 8:38:00 PM, Blogger Pendullum said...

Miss uuuuuuuuuu!!!!

 
At Sunday, March 09, 2008 12:27:00 PM, Anonymous denise said...

That was some funny shit right there. Now we want to know the outcome of this, where are you?

 
At Sunday, March 16, 2008 9:59:00 PM, Blogger Traceytreasure said...

I just found your blog. You made me laugh. I had the best MIL in the world. She passed away 2 years ago and I will always miss her. I like your blog but I'm kind of scared of your anonymous comment. Yikes! I do like your blog though. I'm glad that I found it! Hang in there!

 
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At Wednesday, April 16, 2008 2:51:00 AM, Anonymous Ozy said...

That's the way life is with mothers-in-law. Of course they want to make you look bad, it's because they aren't getting enough, if any attention from anyone that's why they look for it from your children.

Age does weird things to people.

 
At Friday, May 02, 2008 2:25:00 AM, Blogger Attila The Mom said...

Well I'm still wondering...

Where the hell are you?

xo

 
At Tuesday, May 27, 2008 10:53:00 PM, Blogger Traceytreasure said...

I'm with ATM! Did your MIL make you not want to blog anymore? Come back to the blog! You crack me up!!

 
At Thursday, June 19, 2008 8:19:00 PM, Anonymous Slick said...

Ugh...I'm going to stay with mine for a week next month...

But they like me :)

 
At Thursday, July 31, 2008 3:15:00 PM, Blogger Pendullum said...

Missing you and Christina the Wench...
Both of you have dropped out of the Bloggersphere...
Miss you both!

 
At Thursday, July 31, 2008 10:28:00 PM, Blogger Wendy said...

Holy crap I think we have the same mother in law.

 
At Saturday, October 04, 2008 6:57:00 AM, Blogger Deidre said...

Goodness, that sounds terrible! Good on you - girls can (and do) do everything. The other day my roommate told me I walked like a girl. I am still not sure what that means - but I am pretty sure I shouldn't stand for that nonsense.

 
At Wednesday, February 25, 2009 3:42:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey guys I'm not dead. Ill probably be back this year

 
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Try playing online games as a way to bond with your children. Gaming together is a fun and inexpensive way to get in some family time. It can also allow you to ensure that your kids aren't playing inappropriate games.

Figure out how to operate the safety and parental controls of any gaming system that comes into your home. You can likely make adjustments that keep kids from viewing mature content. Some allow each gaming profile to be customized separately, allowing adults to enjoy games not meant for younger audiences.

With the right suggestions and tricks at your fingertips, you never have to feel like a video games novice again. Keep this piece close so that you can easily navigate the gaming world. Even if you are an experienced gamer, you can use ideas from the above article to enhance your gaming experience.

 
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