Sunday, December 31, 2006

When The Smart Ass Attitude You Learned From Mom Goes Terribly Wrong

My daughter Lauren is 8, and the girl has snark and zing - and she is QUICK. She even gets me sometimes...I'm so proud.

For instance, my beautiful and precious angel bear (Lauren) was watching the boob tube yesterday and her room was a manifestation of hell.

"Lauren, you need to clean your room honey. It's scary in there."

"No I don't. It's not scary enough yet."

"Oh it's plenty scary, and you had better get moving before you upset me instead of sitting there giving me lip."

"Lip? What do you want one of my lips for?" She asks this with a totally innocent look on her face - like she didn't know what I was talking about.

"You're pushing your limits Lauren. This is the last time I'm telling you - go clean your room - or I'm going to wear you out."

"Okay - you can if you want. I've got buns of steal"


Turns out, buns of steal or no buns of steal, they still hurt when Mom gets ahold of em.


Thursday, December 28, 2006

I Love A New Haircut

We got one of these thingies. You can visit their website HERE

It's a woodburning furnace that sits outside, and it has done WONDERFUL things for my electric bill I can tell you. Last year at this time my electric bill was almost 500 - A MONTH, this year it's 180.00. Charles and I are pretty happy with that number....we don't have a heat pump, and it's all just forced heat and it really made our power bill go crazy..but this little baby has made it all better.

One of Charles' relatives had gotten one as well a few years ago and he used so much less electricity that the power company came out to make sure that he still lived there/make sure the meter was working correctly. That's how good this baby works.

It heats the house, and all the water, and ever since we've had it, we have NEVER run out of hot water...and that was with 8 people living in the house. It's been bliss. This coming year we are going to get an adapter put on the dryer so that the heat from the furnace will be used to dry clothes instead of the heating element...and they won't smell all smokey either - just the heat will be used.

I feel like I've gone back in time. Cool crisp weekend mornings with Charles waking up early (meaning he wakes up with the rest of us), fixes himself a cup of coffee and goes out back and chops wood all day. It just has that country "I've got things to do today and I'm going to get them done" feeling - you know? Well, maybe not - but it's a good feeling and I stay motivated all day just watching him swing his axe (today's secret word is BICEPS- can you say BICEPS? Tomorrows secret work will be Icy Hot)

I generally look after the fire on the weekends that he's not chopping...make sure there's a nice bed of hot coals and throw some wood on top to keep everything going. It only takes a few minutes and that's it.

That's what happened a few weeks ago, I was getting ready to cook breakfast and decided to go throw some wood on the fire. I was suffering from a severe case of BEDIOUS-O-HEADIOUS but decided that it didn't matter because our neighbors live far enough away from us that they wouldn't be able to see me even if there weren't a thousand trees seperating me from I left my hair sticking out in all crazy directions and went and threw some wood on the fire.

Charles and Stinky had cut down a couple of trees on the property the day before...they were tree had 5 (that we found) queen ants, and another had beetles. I threw a few pieces of the wood in the furnace....and man did they stink. I decided to talk to Charles about that ... I didn't want to burn stinky need to torture the neighbors.

I went back in and started cooking a big breakfast for all 8 of us...pancakes, sausage, bacon, (yeah, I cooked both) and as I was cooking the eggs, Lauren walked up to me.....

"Mom, when is breakfast going to be ready?"

"In a minute sweetie, it's almost done."

"Mom, you hair looks funny in the front."

"I know sweetie, I haven't done my hair this morning. I figured you might want breakfast first."

"No Mom, it looks REALLY funny right here." and she reached up and pulled a huge chunk of burnt hair off the front of my head - right where the bangs

That would certainly explain the smell now wouldn't it.....turns out, the wood didn't stink at all. I just got to close to the also burnt off most of my eyelashes....I now have eyestubs - and one eyebrow went adios.

I'm still that hairless, scary looking, had to get an interesting new hair cut, and had to learn how to draw my eyebrows on kind of way.


Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Merry Kwanza, Happy Christmas......

Our house guests left last night to go back to TX where Stinky has found an obscenely high paying job and I called my mother to let her know and to thank her for sending me money for Christmas (because money is the only truly good gift at my house).

I put Lauren on the phone to talk to her, chitty chat with grandma for a bit......

"Grandma, I got my ears pierced for Christmas and they're shaped like flowers and they are real crystal and the petals are all different colors and Mom says they're beautiful and that they look magnificent on me."

Grandma responds with the appropriate oooo's and aaaaaaah's and asks her if we have our Christmas tree up.

"Yes ma'am. We put it up a long time ago and we even have some presents under the tree already. Do you have presents under your tree Grandma?"

Grandma responds with - No honey we don't have tree.

This didn't surprise me, my mother doesn't put up a tree and hasn't for years - not since my brother and I moved out of the house....of course, Lauren had something to say about that.

"Why don't people in New Mexico celebrate Christmas Grandma? Do you celebrate Kwanza and Hanukkah instead?"

I think I need to talk to this know, clue her in that we are not African American Jews and we don't celebrate Kwanukkah.


Thursday, December 14, 2006

I Have Always Wondered.......

The kinky side to Santa


Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Just In Case You Were Wondering

I'm not dead...

....but I do smell like burnt hair.

I'll explain later....maybe.