Let it be known that I have corrupted my daughter. I have taught her the way of the practical joke, and in the words of the infamous Martha Stewart "It's a good thing." She is my "Grasshopper"
My daughter and I are extremely devilish beings. We enjoy it. It's fun. She has pulled a few of her own, mostly on me - which I shall never tell you about.
I will however, enlighten you to how we got Hubby together! MWOOOOAHAHAHAHA!
Hubby tends to be pretty serious - despite what you read on my blog. I give you glimpses of what the average person never sees. If you go back to the picture I posted of us, you'll see he's smiling. I'm not going to tell you what I had to promise to get him to smile for a picture - you're to young. He only gets goofy occasionally if we are with the short people(Connor and Lauren), or in that even more unique of instances - we are ALONE.
This of course is a challenge to me. I love to see him loose that reserve he has.
At any rate - on with the story.
Lauren and I were driving home a few months ago and SHE asked if we could play a joke on Daddy. Well, who am I to curtail the imagination and incentive of children? I naturally agreed. (I really try to nurture her - can't you tell?)
It takes about 30-45 minutes to get home from school and we were just coming up with one thing or another until finally, we hit the jackpot - so to speak. Hubby was already home that particular day so we quickly ironed everything out and went over it a couple of times to make sure everyone knew their part.
We pulled up in the driveway and Hubby unexpectedly came outside. Lauren - to her credit - was able to "roll with the punches". We altered our plan by going ahead and starting the show there in the driveway instead of waiting until we got inside.
Me - (pretending to be extremely irate) Lauren. You had better go to your room and just plan on staying there for the rest of the night. I don't want you poking your head out asking for water or anything. You have those little cups in your bathroom, you can drink water from the tap tonight.
Lauren - (very meek and pitiful) I'm sorry mom. (uh-oh - she's fighting a grin. I cut my eyes at her, hubby turns his back of an instant and I wink at her. She grins really big and then is all meek again)
Me - I'm not interested in how sorry you are. I'm not interested in anything but your behavior today. I'm not interested in your back talk either. Don't you say another word! Just go to your room.
I slammed the car door for emphasis and Lauren ran inside with her head down clutching her book bag for dear life. I was having a hard time fighting my own smile. I reached in the car pretending I forgot something until I could get control of myself again. I walked up to hubby, pecked him on the cheek.
Me - (still pretending to be pissed off in the highest rafters of pisstivity.) Hey baby. How was your day? (I practically growled at him)
I walked on in to the house, hubby trailing behind. That was good. I couldn't keep the grin off of my face - and he couldn't see if he was looking at my back.
Hubby - So what happened?
Me - I can't talk about it! I just can't talk about it!
Hubby - (sitting in recliner watching me)
I toss things around for general effect and keep the scowl on my face. I sit for a few minutes and then go stand out on the deck to smoke (we don't smoke inside at home). Hubby comes over and lights one up with me.
Hubby - You alright? (I knew I had him then - he usually leaves me alone when I'm mad - I had been prepared the thrust him into the situation - but there he was practically begging me for it)
Me - Charles, I'm so mad right now. I CAN NOT believe what this child has done.
Charles - (still cool and calm) What'd she do?
Me - She HIT, HIT a three year old! I just can't believe this shit! That poor little girl! She knows better! I just don't have the words to tell you how upset I am that she did that. (I snubbed out my cig and lit another. (I was getting a head rush, but I smoke heavily when I'm mad so I had to keep going ) On top of that she got her report card today and there are 2 bad grades on it!!!!
Hubby - Trying to keep straight face but I could just see it in his eyes. The "Oh shit, I think she's going to explode" look.
To hubby's credit he wanted the whole story - which I knew he would. I had thought ahead and gave him the full "shpiel".
Me - she saw her report card at school and knew she was in trouble! Then at school, that sweet little girl did something or another and she HIT HER! I can't believe she hit her!
Hubby was quiet. I could tell he was upset. I tried to act contrite.
Me - I'm sorry to come home like this and upset you. Why don't you sit down in the recliner and I'll get you some tea or something.
I walked over to the fridge and fixed a glass of tea. When I was ready to go back into the living room, I stuck my head around the corner and signalled for Lauren.
I gave Hubby is tea and he sat silently for a moment.
Me - What do you think we should do?
Him - I don't know. I'm really surprised. Lauren just isn't like that. That is totally out of character for her. Is there anything going on at school?
Uh-oh. There he goes being all wonderful again. That normally wouldn't be a problem, but not now! He's going to ruin the joke! I had to put an end to this quick before it went ker-flewy.
Me - WHO CARES WHAT'S GOING ON AT SCHOOL! SHE HIT A 3 YR OLD LITTLE GIRL! I'M GONNA WEAR THAT CHILD OUT! AND THE REPORT CARD! I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT!
Pause....I'm breathing heavily.
Me - You're going to have to be the one to spank her Charles. I can't do it. I'm to mad.
Hubby - Let me go see what happened.
He gets up to go back to Lauren's room, and Lauren jumps out from behind the recliner and we both yell "GOT CHA!!!!" and start giggling.
The look on that man's face was priceless. He looks at me and says "You realize I'm going to get you back for this don't you?" I blew him a kiss and fluttered my eye lashes at him.
He chased Lauren around the kitchen island, around the dining room table and finally caught her in the Den where he pinned her to the floor and tickled her until she couldn't breath.
Labels: Lauren, Practical Jokes, That's some funny shit