Why do Dr's hire dumb shit nurses? It would seem to me that since they are looking after the general public and would want to keep their malpractice insurance premiums low, they would hire someone with at least one brain cell. That does not however, seem to be the case.
I give you my case in point...
I took Connor to the pediatrician's office last monday. He had developed a fever and was rather listless. We were unable to get in with our regular Dr, so we had to go to one that we had not seen before. I wasn't to happy about that but what can you do? Little Dude was sick, he needed to be seen. It wasn't to bad, this New Dr works in the same building with offices immediately across from our regular Dr, so at least they would have access to his medical history via his file, and if worst came to worst, his Dr could just pop in and take a look-see.
We get to the Dr's office and of course I have to go through the same old bull crap with Lin the Billing Lady
and I have to sit and listen to all the screaming babies. (Oh yeah. I just love that part. ) This time I had to wait an extra hour to see the Dr. I WAS NOT A HAPPY CAMPER.
We finally get called back by the nurse.
You know what they say about first impressions right? Weeellllll, let's just say that the nurse didn't even LOOK smart. You know how some people just have that "I'm Stupid" expression on their faces? Buddy, she had it in spades, clubs, diamonds, and hearts. I felt bad at the time and mentally fussed at myself. "Self," I said "you shouldn't do that to people. She could be smart. She could even be funny. She could possibly be cursed with some rare genetic disease that makes her look like that. She could be extremely intellegent. She could put that look on her face on purpose to make people drop their guard and let something slip. It could be extremely handy in child abuse cases." The whole time I'm mentally berating myself, I have a niggling little voice in the back of my head saying "No, she's stupid. Just relax and go with that." But I ignored it. Tsk Tsk. Always go with your insticts. From this point forward, whenever I refer to this nurse, I will call her Twit.
Twit neither weighted Super Baby, nor took his temp. Now I've been taking my kids to see the pediatrican for 8 years now and I know that you will either do one or the other, but mostly you will do both for most any kid. For Super Baby, we always do both because of his medical history. All she did was play the guessing game to try and diagnose him.
Twit - Oh, he's pulling at his ears. He must have an ear infection.
Me - He probably does have an ear infection, but him playing with his ears is not a good indication. He plays with them all the time.
Twit - Oh (pause) He could be teething. He's drooling a lot.
Me - This is normal for him. He always drools a lot.
Twit - Oh. Well, I just don't know what's wrong with him. The Dr will be in to see you in a moment.
Me - WTF?
I couldn't believe it. Had the scale broken? Were thermometers suddently out of stock? Had her last cluster of brain cells suddenly exploded and were curently doing a ping pong ball immitation in her skull? A few minutes later, she came back in.
Twit - Oh (giggling nervously) I forgot to weigh him in. (Ya think?)
So we trudge down the hall and weighed Little Dude. We trudge back to the little waiting room and she closes the door behind me when I walk in the room. She is outside of the room and I am inside. WTF? At this point I couldn't help but thinking "What? Do I smell? Do I offend? Is this deoderant not working for me any more?" A few minutes later, she comes back again.
Twit - Oh, I forgot to take his temperature. (She says this waving the thermometer with the plastic cover around like a magic wand. No shit. LIKE A MAGIC FUCKING WAND and she wants to approach my son with it. She would have poked his eye out! I would have has an evil looking pirate baby.)
Me - Here, let me do it. Sometimes he gets nervous around strangers. (This was such a lie, but there was no way in hell I was going to let her take his temp. It just wasn't gonna happen. If necessary, I would have wrestled her to the floor to keep her away from my son.)
Twit - Nods vacantly
Me - 100.6 I said and pressed the end of the thermometer to pop of the plastic cover into the trash can.
Twit - Okey dokey. I'll get the Dr in here as soon as I can. (OKEY DOKEY?)
I was sitting there waiting for the Dr to come in for about 1/2 and hour and thought "I'm just going to walk over to Regular Dr's office. If Twit was any indication of how the Dr is, I don't want her around him. I started to collect our things - diaper bag, bottle bag, my purse, my jacket, his jacket - but the Dr walked in as soon I slung my purse on my shoulder. I felt obliged to stay. She had after all, figured out how to work the door handle.
She ended up being a good Doc. I was extremely surprised. I initially answered all her questions like I would answer a childs questions - after I cut my eyes at her. I eventually loosened up, and she diagnosed him with dual ear infections. I got the scrip, and went to pick up Lauren from school.
We went to the local pharmacy, filled Super Baby's scrip and got in the car to go home. THE FUCKING CAR WOULDN'T START. Surpise Nikki! It's a wonderfull fucking day!
I called hubby. Hubby said he couldn't get off work to come help because he was the only one working his shift and couldn't I call S to see if she could help? He was in the middle of telling me something that wouldn't comput when I hung up on him. WRONG FUCKING ANSWER ASSHOLE. (Let me just make one thing clear. I think hanging up on someone is extremely disrespectful and I NEVER do it, expecially to my hubby - until then) I'm sitting in the parking lot with a sick, crying baby, and an eight year old who just informed me that she is hungry, no money in the bank to get anyone to look at the car - much less get it repaired, no way to feed my daughter, no way to feed the baby - it's feeding time for him too, and you're to fucking BUSY to lend a helping hand? UH HUH. I'll deal with you later tonight Paco (can you say NO ASS?). I called S, no answer. I called J no answer. I called their house phone, no answer. I called Old Friend of mine at home and her hubby answered.
"Hey! What's up Nikki"
"Hey Old Friend Hubby. Is Old Friend there?"
"No she's still at work."
"Oh yeah, I forgot I'm off work a bit early today. Okay, thanks."
"Hey, what's up?"
"Uh, my car broke down."
"Your car broke down? What's wrong with it?"
"I don't know. I thought it might just be the battery but the radio is coming on so it's not that." I put the key in the ignition and turned the key a bit and the radio came on and then went off. "DAMN IT! Now the radio won't even come on!"
"Hey, calm down. Don't worry about it. Call Old Friend and ask her to come take a look. When she gets there, tell her to call me and I'll tell her a couple of things for her to try."
"Thanks Old Friend Hubby. I appreciate it." I called Old Friend. No answer. I was stuck bigger than shit right there in the parking lot. Damn.
I thought I remembered an Advanced Auto Parts store in the strip mall somewhere. And lo and behold, there was. At least I can see if it was the battery. I thought I had heard somewhere that they do free testing to check your battery. I gave it a shot. IT WAS THE BATTERY! Holy shit I was right. I couldn't believe it. The bad news was that a new battery was 60.00 and I had NO MONEY. Being poor is a bitch.
To save you the rest of the story, I called the bank and found that the last check I had written hadn't cleared yet, good, I spent the money, the check will just have to bounce. I got the battery, the guy from Advanced was nice enough to put it in for me and Old Friend called me several times to make sure I was okay and on the road. I was.
Hubby called to make sure I was okay. "Fine" I said. We had an interesting evening.
I remembered something very important that afternoon. I remembered how to rely on myself.
It felt good. It feels even better when you have friends you can call if you need a helping hand.
Sometimes beautiful things grow from piles of shit.